


The Time of My Life

by deathbycoldopen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Ballroom Dancing, Dean/Cas Big Bang Challenge 2015, Dirty Dancing AU, F/F, F/M, Fem!Cas, Femslash, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Mentions of Prostitution, Period-Typical Racism, Rule 63, Sexual Harrassment, Stonewall Riots, fem!dean, mentions of drug addiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 01:58:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 43,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5229530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathbycoldopen/pseuds/deathbycoldopen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"You do know the lead part even better than I do, Dee," Sam said slowly. He looked at Cas appraisingly. "You could lead her even if she had two left feet. Which she doesn't."</i>
</p><p> </p><p>That was the summer of 1969, when everyone called her Cassie, and it didn't occur to her to mind. It was after Martin Luther King was shot, after President Nixon was elected, when the riots happened at Stonewall, and when she thought she would live her whole life under her parents' thumb.</p><p>That was the summer they went to Kellerman's. That was the summer she met Deanna Winchester.</p><p>***</p><p>Femslash AU based on Dirty Dancing<br/>Art by the wonderful <a href="http://pienova.tumblr.com/">pienova</a><br/>A 2015 <a href="deancasbigbang.livejournal.com">DCBB</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Summer of 1969

Hot, humid air blew in through the open window.  It tangled in Cas’ hair and whipped it almost painfully across her face.  She just pushed it away and continued watching the scenery fly past her, the tarmac disappearing under the unending spin of the car tires.  The landscape blurred with speed and the wind stinging her eyes, until it was nothing more than a lush green smear across her vision.

“Cassie, close the window,” Naomi admonished.

Cas glanced at her mother in the front seat and swallowed a sigh.No doubt the breeze was mussing the smooth lines of Naomi’s hair, styled into a perfect balance between a severe bun and the big curls that had to be burned in so they would look just so.Naomi had tried to tame Cas’ hair into the same style that morning; the open window had done wonders to fix that.

Cas rolled up the window without responding.Her wrist ached when the window jammed in the same two places it always did- a third and then three quarters of the way up- and she had to throw her whole body into turning the crank.

She finally got it closed just as Michael drove them past the sign pointing out their destination.“Welcome to Kellerman’s Family Resort,” the sign proclaimed in big, looping letters.In the brush behind it were the remains of another sign, rusted and disregarded, saying the exact same thing in a font reminiscent of a child’s handwriting.

Cas took a deep breath.Kellerman’s Family Resort: their home for the next eight weeks.

Maybe if she threw herself from the car right now, she could spend a much more comfortable two months at a hospital instead.

They rounded a corner and the resort came into view.It was a sprawling collection of pristine white buildings, obviously painted recently, and already teeming with arriving families.The driveway leading to the main entrance was bustling with them, to the point where most of them were no longer bothering to drive further, and just accepted help from the army of red-coated staff members right where they were.The second Michael put the car into park, the red coats descended on them as well, opening doors for them and beginning to lift luggage from the trunk.

Cas didn’t wait for them to open her door.She stepped out into the stifling heat before the car was even fully stopped, nodding politely at the young man who had failed to open her door first.She walked to the trunk, where another red coated young man, an asian boy fairly close to her age, was struggling with Naomi’s heavy bag.

“Let me help,” she offered, grabbing the other end of the suitcase.Together they lifted it and carried it to the sidewalk, where yet another staffer whisked it away.

The boy she’d helped heaved a sigh as soon as it was out of his hands.“Thanks,” he huffed.Sweat was beading on his brow, and dark circles under his eyes spoke of exhaustion.Cas wasn’t surprised- it had to be 90 degrees out, and this guy was doing heavy lifting in the sun while wearing a thick uniform jacket.

“Of course,” she said.She shifted awkwardly, then thrust her hand out.“I’m Cas.What’s your name?”

His eyebrows climbed practically to his hairline, but he shook her hand anyway.“Kevin,” he said.He glanced over his shoulder at his coworkers and took a step away from her.“I should-“

“Mr. Tran, slacking off again, are we?”

A man with dark hair, dark eyes, and a dark bite to his voice loomed suddenly over Kevin, grabbing Kevin’s arm with a tight grip.He didn’t seem to notice Cas standing there, but Cas took an involuntary step back anyway.The man wasn’t much taller than her, and yet he stood like a thunderstorm made flesh, waiting ominously on the horizon for his chance to strike.

“No sir,” Kevin mutters, looking down at his shoes.“I was just-“

“You don’t have your ‘special relationship’ to keep you safe anymore, boy,” the man told him.“I’m holding you to exactly the same standards as everyone else.One toe over the line, and I’ll make whatever chink squalor you came from look like fucking paradise, is that clear?”

“Yes sir,” Kevin muttered, and hurried away.

“Crowley!” Michael said jovially, appearing out of nowhere to stand behind Cas.He put his hands on her shoulders, a grounding motion that was also suffocating in the heat.

“Ah, Dr. Novak!” the man said, finally turning to notice them standing there.The menacing cloud was gone from his eyes, leaving behind a certain oily charm.Cas eyed him suspiciously and shrank back into her father’s solid presence.“I’m so glad you could make it!Ah, and Mrs. Novak, a vision from heaven, as always.”

Naomi smiled gracefully as she approached them.She held out her hand to shake Crowley’s; he kissed the back of it instead.“Mr. Crowley, it’s wonderful to see you again.Thank you for inviting us here.”

Crowley waved away her thanks genially.“Anything to get the good doctor here some rest,” he said, clapping Michael on the shoulder.“Besides, I think Gabe Kellerman would rise from the grave if he thought I wasn’t taking care of his best friend properly.”

Looking at Crowley, his hair slicked back and his impeccably neat suit, Cas wished that Gabe Kellerman _would_ come back from the grave.As much as his habit of pinching her cheeks and treating her like a child had irked her, it was better than the feeling of choking on Crowley’s cloying charm.

“And who is this gorgeous young lady?” Crowley said, his eyes settling on her with interest, just when she’d decided she definitely didn’t want to draw his attention.

Michael squeezed Cas’ shoulders.“Crowley, this is my daughter Cassie.”

She took a deep breath.She knew what her parents expected of her here.“Nice to meet you,” she said to Crowley, making an effort to look as if she really was pleased to meet him, pleased to be here.

Crowley smirked and took her hand.The brush of his lips on her knuckles made her skin crawl.“The pleasure is entirely my own,” he said, looking deep into her eyes.He didn’t let go of her hand.

“Now Crowley,” Michael said in cheerful warning.“I’ll not have you toying with my little girl’s heart.She’s going to go off and save the world, she won’t be able to do that if she’s mooning over you!”

“I would never dream of breaking something so precious,” Crowley said.He smirked at her, then finally released her.She resisted the urge to wipe her hand on her dress.“Now, let’s get your family all settled in, shall we?I reserved you a cabin suite not far from the-“

Cas stopped listening.She followed quietly as Crowley and her parents led the way up the hill towards the resort proper.She looked behind her at the sea of staff and guests milling about on the driveway, getting ready for the best summer they would ever have.

She sighed and rushed to catch up with the others.

* * *

 

Even without seeing the other cabins, Cas could tell that Crowley had pulled out all the stops for “the good doctor.”Perhaps he really was worried that Gabe would come back to haunt him, since Crowley never seemed to care too much for the Novaks before Gabe died.

The cabin had two giant bedrooms connected to two separate full bathrooms; both bedrooms were connected to a living room, complete with a plush couch and a color television set in an elegant maplewood frame.There was even a full kitchen, as if they were going to be spending any time cooking when there were five-star meals being served in the dining hall just a short walk away.

Cas slowly unpacked her suitcase into the antique bureau in her room, looking around at the paintings that must have cost a fortune, the crisp lines of the Egyptian cotton on her bed, the delicate lace curtains.All this for a supposedly rustic cabin.

“And yet there are children starving in southeast Asia,” she murmured to herself.

“-sure this is a good idea?”

Cas paused in the act of closing a drawer.Despite all the extravagance in the room around her, the walls weren’t exactly soundproof.She could hear the lazy beat of the ceiling fan in the next room, the slide of drawers and closet doors, and her parents arguing about what they always argued about.

“You said it yourself, Naomi,” Michael said.“She just needs a fresh start.We all do.”

“I said that before she was arrested,” Naomi snapped.“At a riot in the Village.That isn’t something that requires a fresh start, Michael.”

“She wasn’t convicted with anything,” Michael pointed out, his voice still slow and calm.“And don’t you think the scare of going to jail was enough punishment for her?She knows now the dangers of getting involved in those kinds of… politics.”

Naomi sighed.“I certainly hope so,” she said.“I just wish you had been a little harder on her, that’s all.”

Cas slammed the drawer shut abruptly.She grabbed a cardigan from her still half-full suitcase and left her room.“I’m going to take a look around!” she called.She didn’t wait for an answer before walking out the front door.

The air outside had cooled a little since the stiflingly hot car ride.Cas wandered down the path leading to the main cluster of buildings, where Crowley had proudly proclaimed most of the myriad of events and parties would take place.She looked away from them, watching instead as a breeze stirred the lush greenery and the messy tendrils of her own hair.It was all at once quiet and loud out here: quiet without the ruckus of dozens of arriving families and bustling staff, loud with the sound of crickets, birds, and the occasional burst of laughter somewhere in the distance.

The lights were on in the dining room, even though dinner wouldn’t be served for another two hours.Cas paused on the path, then walked quietly up the wooden steps to the porch and peered through the cracked window.

Crowley stood in the center of the room, a half-circle of staff grouped haphazardly around him.This group of staff was different than the frazzled young men in cheap red jackets who had helped carry the guest baggage.These young men were polished to shine alluringly in the soft lighting, all of them handsome, all of them perfectly respectable in fine waiters’ uniforms and arrogant smirks.

“-and I went to Harvard and Yale to hire you,” Crowley was saying.“You are here to give our guests everything they could ever wish for, before they even think to wish for it.Make jokes with the fathers, flirt with the mothers, and show the daughters a good time.Even the ugly ones, understood?”

The wait staff nodded and murmured their acknowledgement.Cas clenched her jaw and breathed out of her nose silently.

“Don’t forget to clean the grease out of your hair every once in a while,” someone called from the corner.“Wouldn’t want to ruin the daughter’s nice pillows now.”

Cas craned her neck, frowning.All of the wait staff was male, but whoever had spoken was decidedly female, despite the low register of her voice.After a moment, the mystery girl came into view, along with a pack of people who certainly weren’t guests, and were a far cry from the polished ranks of the wait staff.

“Ah, the entertainment staff,” Crowley sneered.“Good of you to join us.Let’s go over your rules again, shall we?”

He sauntered up to the girl who had spoken, a tall young woman maybe a year or two older than Cas.She had her sandy brown hair down in messy waves to fall over her leather-clad shoulders; her eyes were obstructed by her sunglasses, despite being indoors.

The girl flinched when Crowley smoothly removed the sunglasses and put them in his own pocket.

“If I see any of you entertainment staff even talking with one of the guests when you aren’t teaching them to dance or make hat pins or whatever it is you’re getting paid to do, your ass will be out of here so fast NASA will be using you as a rocket to the moon.”He spoke to all of them, but his gaze was fixed on the girl in front of him, his dark brown eyes holding her green ones.She looked away, glancing at the tall man standing next to her.The man was glaring openly at Crowley; she shifted backward to elbow him in the ribs before Crowley had a chance to notice.

“Yes sir,” the girl muttered along with the rest of the entertainment staff.Crowley nodded and moved away, but not before doing something with his hand that Cas couldn’t see.Whatever it was, it made the girl with the green eyes jump, her expression a little sickened.

The staff dispersed after that, talking amongst themselves in their two distinct groups.Cas watched them for a little while, until they had all disappeared down the back hall, leaving the dining hall empty.

She sighed and wandered away.Her parents would start to worry soon, anyway.

* * *

 

The dining hall was crowded even with the tables all pushed to the side to leave room for the dancing.Almost all of the guests were up and dancing together, despite the fact that nobody really knew what they were doing.They were mostly okay when a slow, jazzier tune that even Cas recognized came on; now, with the slightly faster latin beat, the crowd was far less capable.Some of them still looked like they were enjoying it; those whose feet were getting stepped on decidedly less so.

Cas stood stiffly against the wall, clutching at her dress and wondering when the appropriate time to go to bed would be.There were far more people here than she was comfortable with.It was oddly far worse than that night in the Village, because in all the anger and passion and violence of the crowd, there had been purpose.Here, everything was just frivolity for the sake of frivolity.“Entertainment,” as Crowley had called it.

She had almost resolved to simply leave when Naomi appeared out of nowhere to stand next to her.She didn’t lean against the wall the way that Cas did; she stood arranged like a model from a Sears catalogue, perfectly poised.She glanced at her daughter and sniffed a little.“Cassie, I know this isn’t the most ideal place to meet a husband, but you could have made a little effort,” she said.Her eyes raked critically over the dress Cas hadn’t bothered to change, and the sloppy bun Cas still sported.Naomi herself had changed into a stunning evening dress in sapphire blue that draped over one shoulder like the robes of a goddess; her hair was once again perfectly coiffed in a completely different hairstyle, this time left in a big wave down to her shoulders.“You haven’t gotten a single request to dance yet.”

“Allow me to correct that,” a low voice purred from next to Cas.She turned to find Crowley offering her his hand.“Might I have this dance, Miss Novak?” he asked.

She glanced between Naomi and Crowley.Naomi looked pleased, nodding at her with a slight smile.The first time Naomi had approved of anything relating to Cas in months.Cas swallowed a sigh and took Crowley’s hand.

It wasn’t like she had much of a choice.

Crowley pulled her away from the comforting, safe space by the wall and placed her left hand on his shoulder, her right still cradled in his.His own right hand splayed across her lower back, holding her much closer that Cas would ever voluntarily step.He swayed them to the music, not really doing any steps in particular, barely even dancing at all.Cas had never felt so awkward in her entire life, and that was saying a lot.

“So your father tells me you want to save the world,” Crowley said.She winced internally.She’d been hoping that dancing would involve, well, dancing, rather than conversation with someone she would rather avoid.“That’s quite the project.”

“I just want to help,” she murmured, as diplomatically as she could.

“Of course,” Crowley said, leading them into a wide circle.Cas nearly tripped over her own feet, not expecting him to deviate from the rhythmless swaying.“It’s always good to give back to the community.I myself donate regularly to the Salvation Army regularly.”

Cas remembered the way he’d treated Kevin, then the girl in the dining room earlier.She elected not to respond.

The music changed suddenly, switching to a much faster latin song, one that felt like the thrumming of an adrenaline-infused heart.The crowd jostled, clearing a space in the middle of the floor for a pair of dancers, both of whom seemed to know more about what to do with this music than the rest of the crowd combined.As soon as the space was clear, the man led the woman into an impossibly fast turn, spinning her around him like a top while her skirt flared out around her.The girl spun so quickly that Cas half expected her to fall over as soon as the turn was over.Instead, the two dancers pushed immediately out of the turn into an intricate, mirroring step that drew attention to the swaying of their hips and the pure athleticism of their movements.

The girl pivoted around to dance the step with her back to her partner and his hands on her hips.She grinned at the audience that had formed around them, her gaze sweeping around the room.

Her green eyes passed over Cas’ eyes to glance at Crowley standing with his hand still on Cas’ lower back.Cas gasped without meaning to: it was the girl from before, the one who Crowley had berated in the dining hall.She’d hardly recognized her: gone was the boyish outfit, the tousled hair and the leather jacket several sizes too big for her.The girl now wore a dress in delicate layers of chiffon, each a different color orange or pink, so that she seemed to be clad in her very own sunset.It spun around her with almost every movement, showing off her long, elegant legs.Her hair had been pinned up out of her face, and despite the flyaways escaping after every turn, it almost looked like it was on purpose.

Cas glanced at the girl’s partner, and was surprised that she recognized him now, as well.It was the tall man who had acted so defensively of the girl.His face was open and charming now as he led the girl in twist that brought them down to the floor and back up several times.He, too, had changed into clothes that showed off the lines of his dancing, a stylized tuxedo with a short jacket and slightly more tightly fitting pants than usual.He smiled at his partner, and without warning lifted her straight into the air just as the music climbed to a crescendo.

For a moment, the girl seemed to float above the crowd, not needing her partner’s hands on her waist to remain suspended in the air.And then, inevitably, gravity took hold of her; but instead of dropping to the ground, she twisted, until somehow she was hanging with her face inches from the ground, her legs lifted high in the air, toes pointed elegantly, and her arms out to the side like wings.

The music reverted back to the chorus of fast Spanish and a throbbing beat, and like magic the girl was on her feet again, dancing the intricate step with her partner once again and spinning in a whirl of the evening sky.She kicked into the air with the percussive drums, going all the way into a split in midair without any effort.Her partner followed her, his kick not quite as impressive but still graceful.He caught her waist, and lifted her into the air again, not over his head this time but at his waist, and he spun around so that she floated past the whole crowd and gave them all a smile.The crowd began to clap as the turn went on and on, the girl never coming close to touching the ground, the man never seeming to tire of carrying her.

“Bloody idiots,” Cas heard to her left.She jumped a little.She’d been so caught up in the dancing, she’d forgotten that Crowley still had his hand on her waist.“How many times do I have to tell them, showing off won’t sell lessons…”He gestured at a table nearby, where a red-coated staff member was waiting to sell lessons and activities for the rest of the summer, then stalked away toward the dancers.

Cas watched as the dancers stopped as soon as they saw Crowley.Both of their faces bore identical blank expressions.

Crowley spoke to them quietly enough that he couldn’t be heard by the crowd of guests, but based on the sharp movements of his hands and the scowl furrowing his brow, it wasn’t a friendly talk.

Cas swallowed and glanced behind her.This was her chance to get away, plead a headache with Naomi and go back to the cabin without being subjected to Crowley’s greasy charms.She looked back at Crowley to make sure that he wasn’t paying attention, but paused before making her escape.Crowley had stopped gesturing, and one of his hands had landed on the girl’s hip- even lower than he’d held Cas while dancing.

Cas looked away from the possessive curl of Crowley’s fingers to find the dancer staring at her.

The girl’s eyes flickered down to where Crowley was holding her.When she looked up again, there was a challenge in her eyes, one that Cas didn’t know how to answer.

* * *

 

The dancing was only half over when Cas finally made her escape into the cooling night air.The wait staff had been diligent about plying the guests with cocktails, bringing the noise level up from unbearable to hellish.With every boisterous laugh from the crowd, every critical look from Naomi, Cas had felt more and more like a useless decorative painting, the cheap kind used to liven up sleazy motels and dirty dives.There to hang on the wall as decoration, but not beautiful enough to catch anyones attention, and without any other value to fall back on.

She took a deep breath, relishing the cool breeze and the quiet music of the crickets.If she was going to be useless and looked down on, she’d much rather do it out here, where the noise of drunk well-to-dos faded into the background and left her alone, truly alone.It was better this way, wandering away from the party, into the cover of the trees that shaded most of the resort.Out here, she could pretend that everything was alright, that she wasn’t being smothered by her parent’s disapproval.Mending the rift between them wouldn’t be helped if she flipped out at them over every little thing.

The path she chose was dirt, not paved with artfully placed stones and lush grass in the cracks.It weaved behind buildings and out of sight of the main complex, past service entrances and down shortcuts through the greenery.Eventually, it led her away from the guest areas altogether, through a far more densely wooded area and toward a flight of uneven stairs up a giant hill.She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, reading the rusted sign that stood as a warning to wanderers like her.

“Staff Area.No Guests Allowed.”

She glanced up the hill, where there was another cluster of buildings much less well-kept than the guest area.Instead of fresh-painted white walls, all the buildings were a dirty russet red, the paint peeling back on most of them to reveal the gnarled wood underneath.Most of the buildings were small- cabins for the staff it looked like, based on the few staff members lounging on the porches and smoking.Two of the buildings that Cas could see where slightly larger, one of them with dark windows.The other glowed around the cracks in the shutters and doors, music seeping out to tumble down to Cas at the base of the hill.

She stepped forward despite herself, drawn to the music and the sound of laughter.It wasn’t the music from the dining hall, carefully selected so that it didn’t offend delicate ears.She vaguely recognized the song playing from the few times she’d been able to listen to the radio at school, away from Naomi’s controlling gaze and encouraged by new friends who scoffed at her ignorance.Whatever the song was, though, it had soul, a power to it that all Michael’s records lacked.She’d wanted to be alone out here, away from the noise of the crowd, but it wouldn’t hurt to peek at what was going on.

“Hey!What are you doing back here?”

Well, it probably wouldn’t hurt to peek.

She paused halfway up the stairs and glanced behind her.The boy she’d met earlier, Kevin, was watching her uneasily from the base of the hill.The attempt at sternness in his expression wasn’t very convincing, not when he was struggling to hold three watermelons at once.

“Just taking a walk,” she said.“Do you need help with those?”

“What? No, I don’t- go back, you’re not supposed to be here,” Kevin told her, looking flustered.He shifted, trying to stabilize his pyramid of melons with his chin and failing.

She tilted her head, considering him.“I doubt you’d turn me in,” she said.“You’d probably get in more trouble than I would.”Kevin sputtered at that, which she took as a confirmation.She looked back up to the top of the stairs.“What’s going on up there?” she asked.

Kevin huffed as he walked up the stairs with an unbalanced gait.“None of your business,” he said, pushing past her.“Go back to your mommy and daddy, princess.”

Cas frowned at his back.“If that’s what you think is best,” she said.“But you are about to drop one of those watermelons.”

He stopped in his tracks, looking down at the melons that were, in fact, just a breath away from falling to the ground with a splat.He was quiet for long enough that Cas finally turned to leave.He might get in trouble for associating with her, but then again, so would she.Maybe she should just go to bed.

“Wait,” Kevin called after her.

She paused.He looked her up and down critically, then proffered his laden arms for her to take one of the melons.

“Can you keep a secret?” he asked.

Kevin led her up the stairs at a brisk pace.She followed more slowly than he wanted, gripping her watermelon in her arms carefully and watching the building lit up in the night.She was the one who had asked to help him, and find out what was happening inside those walls; now, though, her feet hesitated with each step.Shadows moved on the other side of the windows, only visible around the edges of the closed shutters.She watched them and hesitated by the door.

“If you’re gonna help, hurry up,” Kevin grumbled at her, and threw open the door with his backside.

Cas gaped, completely ignoring Kevin’s instruction to keep moving.The building was one room, only a little bit bigger than the Novaks’ cabin, and filled with clutter that apparently didn’t fit anywhere else in the resort- a ratty couch, old file cabinets, broken instruments and art supplies, even half of a paddleboard lying across two stacks of books as a makeshift table.

And amidst all of this, the entertainment staff danced.

They filled the room with their intertwined bodies, each partner so close together that it didn’t matter that the room was too small to accommodate all of them.They pulsed to to the music in ways that were downright indecent, rolling their bodies together, pulling away, sliding along the other, swaying like stalks of grass in a breeze- only grass never made Cas’ face heat up at the sight.

“C’mon,” Kevin muttered, nudging her with his foot.She came back to herself with a start, looking away from the nearest couple as the woman completely bent over backwards, still connected to her partner by the hips.Cas swallowed and followed Kevin around the edge of the room to set their burdens down.She kept glancing at the dancing and stumbling over her own feet, sticking to the wall and making herself as small as she could.

Kevin noticed her staring and cracked a smile as he indicated where to put her watermelon.“Imagine dancing like that in the main house,” he said wryly.“Crowley would probably fire the guests if he saw that.”

“Yeah,” Cas breathed, barely paying attention to the conversation.A man nearby had lifted his partner so that her legs were wrapped around his waist, bouncing her to the music, both of them doing a syncopated dance with their arms while she clung to him by the sheer power of her thighs.Cas was so wrapped up in watching the dancing that she only realized that he was black and she was white once she jumped back to the ground into a spin.Cas stared even more.It wasn’t like she’d never seen a mixed-race couple before, but it was one thing to see two people holding hands at a protest, and quite another to see them practically having sex on a dance floor.

Kevin poked her shoulder.“Do you wanna…?” he teased.

She shook her head vehemently, shrinking back into herself.She imagined dancing like that, when she’d never even gotten the hang of the basic waltz, and felt like her face would burst into flame at how hard she was blushing.

Kevin laughed and reached down to a cooler half-hidden on the floor.He pulled out two ice-cold beers, opening them and passing one to Cas.

“If I owned this place, I’d hold dances like this,” he said thoughtfully.“Screw the foxtrot and the pachanga, this is real dancing.”

She wondered if he was just saying that to see if she could possibly turn any redder.She took a sip of her beer to cover her embarrassment.“I think the hospital bills would kill this place in a week, after all the heart attacks the guests would have,” she said in an attempt at levity.The back of her neck was still burning, but at least her hair would half-cover the redness.

She was just taking another sip of beer when the door opened again.She coughed, almost inhaling her drink when she saw the two dancers from the main house burst inside and immediately begin dancing.

Neither one of them had changed their clothes from earlier, although the man had at least taken off his tux jacket and rolled up his sleeves to reveal muscular forearms.They must have come here directly from the dining hall, eager to dance away from the boss’ sharp eyes.

The other dancers whooped when they saw the newcomers, clearing a little space for them to dance in.The girl grinned wider and snatched a beer out of another cooler.She snapped it open with her ring, swaying to the music as she chugged it.

The man smirked and grabbed her hips without warning.She yelped as he lifted her into the air, but when with it anyway, spinning impossibly until her knees were on his shoulders, her beer still intact and drinkable in her hand.She sipped it as she danced with impeccable balance on the man’s shoulders.She passed the beer to someone on the ground before finishing the lift, leaping off her partner’s shoulders to fly through the air and spin expertly as soon as her feet touched the ground.She took her beer back with a smile and rocked out to the music, encouraging her partner into a twist with her.The other dancers whooped and laughed; she toasted them with her beer and her middle finger.

“They’re friggin’ amazing,” Kevin said from next to Cas.She jumped.She’d forgotten entirely that he was there.“So annoying.”

Cas tore her eyes away from the two dancers to squint at Kevin.“Annoying?” she said.

He rolled his eyes.“Because nobody else can top them, and they know it,” he explained.

“Oh.”Cas glanced back at the couple, now dancing back to back so that it was almost like they were dancing with the other couples near them- except that the bond between the two of them was almost visible, a line between them that connected their movements even when they couldn’t even see each other.“How long have they been together?” Cas asked.

It was Kevin’s turn to nearly inhale his beer.He coughed, and it was somewhere between choking and laughing.“What?” he said when he caught his breath again.“They’re not-That’s Sam and Deanna Winchester.They’re brother and sister, not a couple.”

“Oh,” Cas said, blinking in surprise.The connection between the two dancers was so strong, she’d just assumed…She turned back to watch them again, this time noticing the polite distance between their bodies.That distance was absent when they turned and partnered with other people.

Deanna’s new partner spun her around so that she was suddenly much closer than before.“Kev!” she shouted when her eyes fell on him.She swung away from her partner and landed with her arm wrapped around Kevin’s shoulders.“What, you’re not going to join the fun?” she asked, barely even out of breath even after all that dancing.

Kevin shook her loose, scowling at her teasing.“I’m keeping Cas company,” he said.He looked a little smug that he had an excuse.With all his resentment that Deanna and Sam were such good dancers, Cas guessed that he himself wasn’t all too talented.

Deanna glanced over and noticed Cas for the first time.Cas tried to remember how to breathe when Deanna’s eyes met hers, a bright smile still dancing in them.But then they widened in recognition, and her whole expression immediately closed off.

“What the hell, Kevin?” Deanna hissed, pulling Kevin a little ways away but not bothering to keep her voice down.“You brought a guest back here?What the fuck is wrong with you, do you want us to all get fired?”

“I didn’t bring her, she just wouldn’t leave me alone,” Kevin said sourly. 

Cas opened her mouth before she knew what she was going to say in her own defense. _I won’t turn you in_ , maybe, or even _I just wanted to help_.

“I carried a watermelon,” she blurted instead.

Deanna’s green eyes met hers again.Cas wilted against the disdain she saw in them.“Good for you, princess,” Deanna snapped, then wandered back to her brother.When she started dancing again, it was with much less zeal than before.

Cas watched her go with mild horror.“‘I carried a watermelon’?” she repeated.No wonder Deanna had looked at her like she was crazy.

“Don’t mind her,” Kevin said.“The only time she’s not an asshole is when she’s dancing.”

Cas bit the inside of her cheek and looked down at her shoes.

They watched the dancing in silence for a while, finishing off their beers.More often than not, Cas found her gaze drawn to the Winchesters, to Deanna laughing and dancing happily.It was as if a switch had been flipped, changing her from the girl who stared at Cas in suspicion and hostility, to a girl without a care in the world.There was something, though, Cas decided as she watched Deanna do the twist again with her brother.A tension in her jaw, a distance in her eyes, a guarded set to her shoulders- something that told Cas that Deanna Winchester wasn’t as carefree as she pretended.

A few times, Deanna looked over to catch Cas staring.Cas looked away quickly every time, avoiding her direct gaze but looking right back as soon as Deanna’s attention was elsewhere.

After the third time Deanna caught her watching, she abandoned her partner and walked over.Cas tensed, waiting for the other girl to take out her aggression somehow- she wasn’t sure how, but after seeing the outright dislike in Deanna’s eyes, she was sure that Deanna would lash out at her.

She didn’t expect Deanna to raise a hand at her to beckon her out onto the dance floor.

“C’mere,” Deanna said when Cas didn’t move.

Cas stepped forward hesitantly, wary of the smirk on Deanna’s face.Deanna took her hand and pulled her closer.Her skin was warm against Cas’; and when Deanna brought their bodies together and pressed her other hand to Cas’ back, it was a little like being on fire.

“It’s in the hips, okay?” Deanna told her.“You roll them in a circle, like this.”

Cas swallowed and tried to follow Deanna’s movements.It felt strange, working muscles she didn’t even know existed.

“Bend your knees a little more- like that,” Deanna said.She pushed down on Cas’ hips until Cas was forced to bend her knees.

Cas tried again and felt the odd circle of her hips feel better, more natural, more in tune with Deanna’s.After a few beats of the music, she felt Deanna look up at her face.

“Good,” Deanna said, sounding surprised.“Okay, now like this.”

She switched the pattern around, so that their were swiveling their hips in more complex figure eights, twisting their knees in the process.Cas fumbled a little, then changed, finding the rhythm more easily this time.She met Deanna’s eyes and smiled.

“Yeah,” Deanna breathed.Her right hand tightened on Cas’ back, pulling her closer until their bodies were flush against each other.With every roll of their hips, Cas could feel the smooth shift of Deanna’s muscles, the power and athleticism of her body, Deanna’s heartbeat echoing in Cas’ own veins.She could feel Deanna’s breath hot on her cheek; they were so close that if Cas turned her head ever so slightly, her lips would be brushing Deanna’s skin.

Someone laughed nearby at whatever Sam was doing just a few feet away.It sounded distant to Cas anyway.As if Deanna had cast a spell over both of them, taking them far, far away and leaving just shadows behind them.

Apparently, though, the sound was enough to break through the moment, because Cas’ arms were suddenly empty.She blinked at the cold air on her skin as Deanna stepped away without a single word, spinning into someone else’s arms.

Cas stood frozen for a while, staring at where Deanna had disappeared.Then with a deep breath, she hurried back to the corner, where she’d be safe from the painful pounding of her heart.

 


	2. A Helping Hand

The sun beat down on Kellerman’s Family Resort, driving many of the guests into the cool shallows of the lake, cordoned off from the rest of the lake with buoys and watched over carefully by a lifeguard.Others remained inside the shady lounges near the dining hall, where perpetual poker games continued with ever-rotating rosters of players.Crowley had valiantly set up a line of tents on the lawn in an attempt to draw women to the tables of wigs lying underneath.

Cas watched from her seat on the porch as several women tried on different wigs and giggled over how silly they looked.Some of them were Cas’ age, women she could try to befriend for the summer.Watching them, Cas wasn’t sure how she would go about doing that- or even if she wanted to.It would be easier to just keep reading her book.

She barely got through another sentence when raised voices pulled her out of it again.She frowned, looking around.The argument was coming from her left- towards the staff area rather than where guests lounged nearby.

She leaned forward to get a better view.Around the corner and up the dusty path, she could make out Sam and Deanna Winchester arguing heatedly.

Most of what they were saying was lost under the shrieks of laughter from the lake, the sound of the poker game going on just inside the building.Not that Cas was trying to eavesdrop or anything- but still, she kept watching and listening.

It was clear from the way they moved that Deanna was doing most of the arguing, gesturing angrily at her brother while Sam made quiet rebuttals.That only seemed to spur her on, bringing her voice up to audible levels.

“-when it’s your own damn fault!” Cas heard Deanna snap.

Sam stared at her, ire and guilt visible even from Cas’ awkward angle.Deanna looked down and sighed, murmuring something much more quietly.Whatever it was, it made Sam’s expression cloud over completely with anger.He snapped back at his sister, then turned on his heel and headed back up the path.

“Sam!” Deanna called.She watched him go, but didn’t chase after him.Instead, she shook her head and walked toward the guest area with a fake smile plastered on her face.

Cas hurriedly looked back at her book.She pretended she didn’t even notice as Deanna walked by.

* * *

 

It was as if she had caught some kind of parentally-induced disease, one that clung to her with frustrating persistence despite all her efforts to shake it off.

“You look beautiful tonight, Cassie,” Crowley purred at her.He laid his hand familiarly on the small of her back, and Naomi smiled at her as if this was a development she should welcome.

“Thank you,” Cas murmured, trying not to shift away from his touch, no matter how much it made her skin crawl.Her parents approved of Crowley, and therefore approved of her.That should be enough to help her bear it.

The evening dance was being held outside tonight, under the twinkling lights of the gazebo.The light and music and laughter created a bubble in which everything was bright and cheerful- but also cloyingly artificial.Cas would much rather stroll through the darkness and listen to the crickets than stay here.The approval in Naomi and Michael’s smiles kept her rooted in place, watching the dancing and hoping that Crowley wouldn’t try to ask her to dance.

She jerked her eyes away from the dancing when a familiar head of sandy brown hair joined the crowd.In the brief look that she got, she saw that Deanna was once again wearing a stunning dress meant to highlight the lines of her body as she danced, and that the dancer’s smile was even more beautiful than the dress.

The gazebo was bright enough that Cas couldn’t see anything in the surrounding night.That didn’t stop her from trying; it was better than staring at someone who probably wouldn’t want to be stared at.

“Haven’t my dance lessons paid off?” someone drawled nearby.

“Like a charm, Alastair,” Crowley responded.

Cas glanced over, and regretted it immediately.The man speaking to Crowley had his arms wrapped possessively around Deanna Winchester, and his smirk made Cas’ stomach churn.Deanna still had that gorgeous smile on her face, but up close Cas could see the strain at the corners of her eyes, the subtle way that she leaned away from her partner.

“Alastair, might I interrupt for just a moment?” Crowley said.He finally released Cas and approached Deanna with raised eyebrows.Alastair shrugged and wandered off, whistling a tune that clashed horribly with the waltz playing around them.

Cas watched the dancing, pretending she wasn’t listening to Crowley talking to Deanna in a low voice.

“People have been asking for that lowlife brother of yours, Winchester,” he said, quietly enough that Cas had to strain to hear.“ _Guests_ , whose happiness will be deciding your fate this summer.”

“Relax,” Deanna snapped.“He’s just- taking a break.He’s busted his ass for the past twelve hours, he just needed a breather, alright?”

“Well for both your sakes, it had better be a short one,” Crowley said.“Oh, and Deanna-” His voice dropped so that Cas could no longer hear it.She glanced over just in time to see Crowley’s hand pass over Deanna’s ass as he whispered in her ear.Deanna didn’t move, a defeated look in her eyes as Crowley moved away.

“Cassie darling, let’s go for a walk, shall we?”

Cas looked down as Deanna’s eyes snapped over to her.She nodded, and let Crowley take her arm to lead her onto the grounds.

“Your father tells me you’re going to university at Columbia, is that right?” Crowley said, smooth and far too close to Cas’ ear for comfort.

“That’s right,” she said quietly.The night was calm and still away from the stuffy smell of perfume and press of too many bodies.She took a deep, soothing breath, taking in the fresh scent of the trees and the crisp night air.If only she could be free of Crowley as well, and just wander into the darkness on her own.

“And what are you studying there?English?” Crowley said without waiting for her to answer.“You would make a wonderful teacher.”

She shot Crowley a sideways glance.“Political Science, actually,” she said.“And I’m planning to apply to law school once I graduate.”

Crowley chuckled.“Ambitious little thing, aren’t you,” he said.“Be careful, though.Not too many husbands want their wives to be out and about instead of at home with the kids.You’ll see, when you’re a little older.”

Cas swallowed and looked down at her feet.She didn’t try to argue.

They were walking down the golf course and halfway through some story featuring Crowley and his tailor when Cas heard something odd out in the darkness.She looked over without interrupting Crowley’s story, squinting to make sense of what she was seeing.

Sam Winchester sat on a bench half-hidden by trees, still wearing the shorts and polo shirt he’d been wearing during the afternoon volleyball game.He didn’t even seem to notice the sharp chill in the air.He stared straight at the ground, so perfectly still that he looked like a statue.Cas had a sneaking suspicion that he hadn’t moved in quite some time, except for the gasp of his breath that she’d heard in the first place.

“Crowley,” she said suddenly, turning toward her escort with what she hoped was a pout.“I’m cold, let’s go back to the party.”

She didn’t look back as they left, pretending to be engrossed in Crowley’s story.He didn’t seem to notice that she hadn’t heard a word he’d said for the past fifteen minutes.

The party was still going strong when they reached it.Cas left Crowley to chat with her parents, begging a headache to detach herself from them.Once she was sure all three of them were distracted, she slipped away to the edges of the dance floor.

Deanna was still dancing elegantly with the guests, looking for all the world as if she was having the time of her life.Cas watched her for a moment, then turned away like a coward.Deanna probably wouldn’t take it too well if she heard it from Cas anyway.

She caught sight of a red jacket near the band, and hurried over there instead.

“What are you doing, I’ll get in trouble!” Kevin hissed when she tapped him on the shoulder.He looked around nervously, but everyone was too engrossed in the dancing to notice a guest speaking so familiarly with a staff member.

“I think Sam Winchester needs help,” Cas said without preamble.

Kevin’s entire demeanor changed, from nervous to intensely focused in less than a second.“You’ve seen him?Where?” he asked sharply.

“Yes, on the golf course by the eighteenth-“

Kevin started weaving through the crowd before she even finished her sentence.He reached Deanna and pulled her out of her dance without so much as an apology, murmuring something in her ear.Deanna stiffened, then pasted on her false smile for her partner’s sake before following Kevin out of the crowd.

Cas rushed around the dance floor to catch up with them on the other side.

Deanna barely spared a glance for her as they half-jogged toward the golf course.“What’s she doing here?” Deanna asked Kevin sharply, ironically as if Cas wasn’t even there.

“I was the one who found Sam,” Cas interjected.She was surprised to hear a note of frustration in her voice.She was usually better at hiding that.

“Fine, thanks for that,” Deanna snapped.“Now go back to dancing with the bossman and leave my brother to me.”

“I can help,” Cas protested with a frown.

“Can you, princess?” Deanna said.“Why don’t you just-“She paused, looking in the shadows under the trees.“Sam?”she called, immediately distracted from berating Cas as they approached the half-hidden bench.“Fuck, Sammy, are you alright?”

Sam sat in exactly the same position Cas had found him in.At the sound of his sister’s voice, though, he finally stirred just a little bit, lifting his head slightly.“Dee,” he murmured, his eyes still unfocused and lost.“I’m… fine.”

Deanna hurried over and knelt next to him, not caring that she was getting dirt and grass on her beautiful dress.She peered at him, pressed a hand against his forehead to check his temperature, and looked into his eyes to check their reaction.If Cas didn’t know better, and if Deanna and Sam weren’t clearly so close in age, she would have thought Deanna was his mother rather than his sister.

“Sam,” Deanna said slowly.“You didn’t-”

“I didn’t fall off the wagon,” Sam said, finally coming to life with a sigh.“I’m fine, Dee, you don’t have to-“

“You bet your ass I have to,” Deanna snaps.“C’mon, let’s go inside.God, you must be freezing.”

Cas trailed behind them while Deanna led her brother through the staff area and up the stairs to where they’d danced so happily just a few nights before.The building was dark and empty now, but at least it was a little warmer in here than outside.Cas spotted a blanket bunched up in a corner and grabbed it for Sam; Deanna took it without even a glance.

“Is this about your meeting with Luc?” Deanna asked, helping Sam sit on the sagging couch and draping the blanket around his shoulders.She sat down next to him, still watching him anxiously, as if he might drop dead of some ailment at any moment.“I told you, it’s going to be fine, just-”

“It’s not that,” Sam said.He cradled his head in his hands, the very picture of misery.“Well, it is, but…”He looked up at Deanna, a plaintive light in his eyes.“I didn’t tell you everything.”

Deanna stilled, her eyes narrowing.“What?”

Sam sighed.“Luc knows, Dee,” he said quietly, looking down again.“He knows I broke my parole to come here.”

“What?” Deanna said again, her voice sharp with worry.“Did he put a warrant out?”

Sam winced.“Worse,” he mumbled.“He said he wouldn’t say anything- as long as I give him two hundred dollars at the meeting.”

The room was silent for a long, long time.Deanna looked like Sam had just a few minutes earlier, frozen with a wide-eyed expression.Some kind of nonverbal communication passed between her and her brother, even through Deanna’s shock.Cas shared a glance with Kevin; he shook his head at her and jerked it toward the door.The message was clear: this didn’t concern her, and she should leave the Winchesters to their troubles.

She looked back at Sam and Deanna and didn’t move.

“You weren’t going to tell me any of this?” Deanna said finally.“Your parole officer is blackmailing you, and you were just going to keep quiet about that?”

“I didn’t want to worry you,” Sam said.“There’s nothing we can do about it, anyway.Even if you gave me all your wages, it still wouldn’t be enough.”

“Why don’t you report it?”

Sam and Deanna turned to stare at Cas in surprise, like they had just realized she was there.She shrank a little under the heat of their glares, but she cleared her throat anyway.“Blackmail is illegal, especially if it’s your parole officer.You could report it instead of paying.”

“Yeah, and my brother gets sent to jail again because of it,” Deanna said flatly.“Everybody wins!”She looked Cas up and down with a sneer.“Go back to your playpen, princess.You don’t know shit about our lives, and you don’t deserve to know.”

Cas flinched.“I just thought-“

“Get out,” Deanna hissed, her expression darkening dangerously.Her hands clenched into fists, flexing the well-toned muscles in her arms.If she wanted to, Deanna could seriously do some damage- and with Sam in trouble, it looked like she didn’t have much restraint.

Cas glanced one more time at Sam, then fled the room.

* * *

 

She imagined that the dark circles under her eyes and the pallor of her face made it that much more compelling when she claimed another headache that next morning.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Naomi asked, cradling her face in her long, cool fingers.“I would hate for you to miss out on the whole summer because you’re sick.”

Cas smiled weakly at her mother, wrapping her robe a little more securely around her torso.Nerves and a sleepless night had conspired to make her act so convincing that Naomi actually looked concerned.Cas swallowed around the dryness of her throat.“It’s only a migraine, mother,” she said.She reached up to touch Naomi’s hand where it rested on her cheek.“I just need some rest, that’s all.”

Naomi searched her eyes for another long moment, then nodded.Leaning forward, she pressed her lips to Cas’ forehead gently, as if Cas was no more than the child that she used to be.Cas supposed that to her mother, she never would be more than that.“Stay out of trouble, Castiel,” Naomi murmured into her hairline.

Cas stood by the door as Naomi left to catch up to Michael, waiting just down the path to the main house.She waved when she saw her parents glance up at her.She kept waving until they disappeared around a corner.As soon as they were out of sight, she turned and strode back into the cabin, now with purpose in her steps.

She paused in the doorway to her parents’ bedroom.Her fingers tapped a nervous staccato against the doorframe, keeping her from entering like a physical force pressing against her shoulders.She could almost hear Naomi’s voice in her ear, whispering familiar harsh words at her.

_How dare you_ , Naomi had shouted.Only a few weeks ago, really.Even in the mild early summer, the police station had been sweltering and miserable, especially after a night spent in the cramped and dirty cells.

_How dare you_ , Naomi whispered now.

_It isn’t the same_ , Cas told herself- told the insidious voice.The words shivered under the pressure of her parents’ anger.This wasn’t protest, riots, politics, troublemaking.She was here to help someone, and that was something her parents would be proud of.

_Then why are you sneaking around their backs?_ the voice that sounded like Naomi hissed. _If it’s not a secret, why not ask Michael directly?Or are you just afraid that they’ll cast you out for real this time?_

Cas closed her eyes, swallowed, and stepped inside the room.

The thing about Kellerman’s was that it wasn’t free, even after the main fee had been paid.Sure, one could probably pay the one-time fee to come here and have room and board, but then they would be stuck here with nothing to do except wander around while the other guests had fun.Every event, every dumb little activity, everything worth doing at the resort, cost just a little bit of money.It was the genius of Crowley’s enterprise, in fact: each activity only cost a few dollars, but after eight weeks of entertainment and a captive audience, each family walked away from Kellerman’s a few hundred dollars lighter than when they came in.

Michael had prepared for this ahead of time.He had his own private practice and a flourishing client base, which meant he had no trouble affording the cost of day-to-day life at Kellerman’s.The only question was accessibility.

Specifically, where he had hidden the one thousand dollars in cash he’d taken out from the bank and stashed in the room.

Cas didn’t have to look for very long.She found the jewelry box that hid her mother’s valuables stowed in the back of Michael’s sock drawer; and in the hidden compartment at the back lay nearly twenty fifty dollar bills, neatly stacked and waiting to be used.

She slipped four bills out of the stack carefully.It wasn’t as if this was against the rules, she reminded herself several times.Michael had set this money aside for them to use as they wanted this summer.He’d never said anything about not giving it away for a worthy cause.

She folded the four bills with trembling fingers and slipped them into her sock.When she put the jewelry box back and shut the drawer, there was no sign she’d been in there at all.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

“I’m just trying to help,” she told the empty room.

* * *

 

The staff practice room was just as loud and rowdy tonight as it had been the other day.Cas slipped through the doors and looked through the crowd of dancers, this time not gaping and embarrassed but determined.

She spotted Sam first, towering over everyone by at least four inches.He led his sister in a turn with a grin on his face, as if there was absolutely nothing wrong in his universe, like they hadn’t found him catatonic on the golf course just the night before.Cas hesitated.It wasn’t too late; she could still walk away from all this.

She shook her head and made her way through the crowd.She was just trying to help, and there was nothing wrong with that.

Neither Sam nor Deanna noticed her when she reached the other side of the dance floor.They were too wrapped up in the music, in the dancing, in the bond they had as siblings, to take notice of a girl wilting against the wall.

“Cas?What are you doing here?”

At least this time Kevin didn’t sound accusatory, just surprised.Cas shot him a quick smile in greeting, but turned back to the Winchesters immediately, looking for an opening.

She darted forward to tap Sam on the arm as soon as the dance slowed down enough for her to get close.He still didn’t notice her- not until he tried to take a step back, and crashed into her.

“Shit, sorry-” he started, then stopped in confusion.

Cas shifted to avoid being trampled by another pair of dancers and tugged on Sam’s arm.He frowned, but followed her readily enough to a less dangerous part of the room.Deanna trailed after him, her eyes narrowing in suspicion when she saw who was leading her brother away.

As soon as they reached the edge of the dance floor, Cas held out the two hundred dollars without preamble.

Sam stared at her, not moving to take the money.“What’s this?” he said.

“Two hundred dollars,” she told him.“You said you needed it.”She lifted her hand a little more, inviting him to take the small wad of cash.

Sam looked from her to the money and back again, his expression shifting from confused to disbelieving.“Wait, seriously?You’re just giving this to me?”

“You said you needed it,” she said again.

He gaped at her, taking the money automatically when she proffered it again.He turned to share his incredulous stare with his sister, and then with Kevin.“Are you for real?” he said, relief cracking his voice.

“Yeah, it takes a lot of courage to ask daddy,” Deanna muttered scornfully.

Cas swallowed and looked away.She didn’t bother correcting Deanna, telling her that no asking was involved.That wasn’t the point, anyway.

Sam looked down at the money in his hands, his relief slipping away more and more the longer he looked.“Thanks Cas,” he said quietly, barely audible under the music, “but I can’t take this.”He held out the money, pressing it into her hand when she didn’t move to take it, then grabbed Deanna to continue their dance.

“Sam, what are you doing, you should take the money,” Deanna hissed.She stopped moving despite her brother’s guiding hands, leveling a glare at him instead.“I told you, I can take care of the show.Bart’s a pushover, he’ll understand.”

“Yeah, and take away next year’s gig in the process,” Sam said.“I can’t let that happen, Dee.At least if we do the show this year and I get caught, you can find another partner for next summer.”

Cas looked at Kevin in confusion.He sighed and leaned closer to her.“Sam’s meeting with his P.O. is the same day as their performance over at the Shelldrake hotel.If they miss it, they’ll lose this year’s wages _and_ next year’s gig.”

“Which we can’t afford,” Sam said firmly.

Deanna pulled away from him completely.“We also can’t afford you going to prison again,” she snapped.

Cas cleared her throat.“Can’t someone else fill in for Sam?” she asked.

She regretted it as soon as the words left her lips.Deanna rounded on her, her glare intensifying.Cas flinched, shrinking against the wall behind her.

“No, princess, no one else can _fill in_ ,” Deanna said.“Victor and Gordon aren’t allowed to dance with me on that stage, and they have to work that night anyway, and no one else has the time to learn the routine.Everyone _works_ here, get it?So unless _you’re_ volunteering…”

Cas looked down at her feet, clenching her jaw. _I was just trying to help_ , she didn’t say.

“Well, that’s not a _bad_ idea.”

Her head snapped up.She stared at Kevin along with Sam and Deanna, all three of them looking at him with varying degrees of confusion and incredulity.He shifted uncomfortably, but held his ground.“If Cas danced with Deanna at the Shelldrake, I mean,” he clarified.

“What the fuck, Kevin, I was _joking_ ,” Deanna said.

“I can’t dance!” Cas protested at the same time, hearing the note of panic in her voice and unable to do anything about it.

“Sure you can,” Kevin told her, rolling his eyes.“You seemed pretty comfortable dancing the other night.”

“Kevin, you heard her, she can’t dance,” Deanna snapped.

Cas glanced at her with a frown.She’d just said that she couldn’t dance- but for some reason, hearing Deanna repeating her words needled at her in a way she didn’t understand.

“You do know the lead part even better than I do, Dee,” Sam said slowly.He looked at Cas appraisingly.“You could lead her even if she had two left feet.Which she doesn’t.”He smiled in reassurance at Cas, who tried and failed to smile in return.She met Deanna’s eyes instead.The hostility she found there sparked something in her gut- that same fire that had pushed her in the Village, to shout and fight and get herself in trouble with the cops and then her parents.

She squared her shoulders, set her jaw, and kept the tremor out of her voice.

“I’ll do it,” she said, meeting Deanna’s eyes in defiance.

 


	3. The Mambo

“The routine is a mambo,” Deanna said as she fiddled with the half-broken record player in the corner of the room.“The basic step’s pretty simple, kinda like a salsa except on a different beat.”The record finally began to spin, a tinny and warped latin beat emerging as if from a great distance.“A salsa starts on the one, and a mambo starts on the two- on the offbeat, get it?”

Cas nodded as if she exactly what her new dance partner was saying.She thought she remembered seeing someone dancing the mambo at some point over the summer- but maybe that was just because the singer had shouted “Mambo!” several times during the song.As for the rest of what Deanna had said- well, Cas would figure it out.

The steps Deanna showed her were, true to Deanna’s word, pretty simple.Easy, even.At least, Cas thought so, until she imitated the swaying, repetitive step and the frown on Deanna’s face immediately deepened.

“Stop,” Deanna said.“Don’t step on the one, step on the _two_.Like this- one _two_ three four, _two_ three four.See?”

Deanna repeated the steps that she’d shown Cas just a few moments ago- step back with the right foot, lift the left, step forward with the right, step forward with the left, lift the right, step back with the left.Cas watched carefully, looking for where she had gone wrong.

“That’s what I did,” Cas said finally, scowling at Deanna’s feet.

Deanna rubbed her temple.“Just- try again.Remember, on the two, not on the one.”

She counted with the music, waiting for Cas to try again.Cas took a deep breath and stepped the way Deanna showed her.

The music stopped with a squeal, then started over again.Cas stumbled over her own feet, barely catching herself before she crashed right into Deanna as the other girl returned from the record player.

“Look, you have the step right, but the timing is off,” Deanna said.She held out her hands, grabbing Cas’ when Cas didn’t move in response.She placed Cas’ left hand on her shoulder, curling just over her bicep, and held Cas’ other hand securely with her own left hand.“Here, it’ll be easier with a partner.Ready?”Cas swallowed and nodded.“Okay then.Five, six, seven, eight-“

Cas stepped on Deanna’s foot.

“On. The. Two,” Deanna said through gritted teeth.

“I don’t know what that means,” Cas snapped, jerking her hand free of Deanna’s.If this was how Deanna taught all of her dance classes, no wonder none of the guests were getting any better.

Deanna looked ready to explode herself, her eyes flashing dangerously.Cas ground her teeth.Of course this wasn’t how Deanna taught all her classes- it was just how she taught _Cas_ , someone who had the gall to actually offer to help her out.

The record skipped with a loud screech before Deanna could yell back at her, maybe just the same useless instructions to step on the two, or maybe even telling her to get the fuck out like Deanna clearly wanted.They both flinched at the sound; Deanna closed her eyes and took a deep breath.When she looked back at Cas, her expression was calmer, more patient.

“Okay,” she sighed.“It’s…You’re stepping on the first beat in the music- hear how it’s separated into counts of eight?The music- it’s mathematical, predictable, and you can hear the beats in those little sections. One-two-three-four, five-six-seven-eight…”

Cas nodded slowly as Deanna counted it out.She’d heard Deanna or Sam counting to music before during their dances, heard performers counting during pop songs- she’d just never thought about why they did that.Now that she was listening, with Deanna’s eyes focused on her, she could hear what Deanna was talking about.It was like the pulse of the music, the steady rhythm keeping time to Deanna’s voice.

“Yeah,” Deanna said.“So, you’re stepping on the one- the first beat in each measure- but that’s not… that’s not the mambo.The mambo swings, it happens on the second beat.Like… like a heartbeat.”

Cas lost track of the rhythm she’d been counting, staring at Deanna instead.Deanna didn’t seem to notice, unaware that she had echoed Cas’ own thoughts on the pulse, the heartbeat of the music.

“A heartbeat?” Cas said.

“Like this,” Deanna murmured.She lifted her hand and placed two fingers on her sternum, tapping in a quiet mimic of the blood pumping underneath.

Cas tapped on her own sternum.One-two.One-two.One-two.

Deanna took a half step closer.She reached out and took Cas’ hand, put it over her own heart, tapped on it softly.One-two.One-two.One-two.

Somehow their feet were moving, and Cas couldn’t remember starting.All she knew was that Deanna’s green eyes were fixed on her, and that Deanna’s heartbeat was warm and rough beneath her fingers.

* * *

 

“Keep your head up.”

Cas found herself walking around the cabin with books on her head, trying to balance them on quick, even movements.Her head still bounced while she danced- she threw one of the books at the wall in retaliation.

“Eyes front.Don’t forget to spot or you’ll fall over.”

She spun and crashed into a wall, once, twice, too many times.Deanna’s determination didn’t change; she just started the music over again.

“Don’t put your heel down.”

Cas asked herself why she was doing this as she stepped with exaggerated slowness.Her calves screamed at her.

“Don’t put your heel down!”

_You try doing that in heels_ , she didn’t say.She did the step again.Again.Again.

“This step should glide, try to keep it steady- Exactly.”

She glided down rough paths through the trees, pretending the long shadows were her audience, the rustle of leaves in the breeze her applause.She taught her legs to snap, her hips to sway, while the rest of her body slid gracefully through the air with no more weight than a feather.Naomi complimented her on participating in so many activities that her parents only saw her at breakfast and dinner.She nodded in response, counting out steps in her head.

“Eyes on me, good.”

She learned that looking away from Deanna’s eyes caused her to trip over her own feet.She learned that looking into Deanna’s eyes made her even dizzier than the turns did- she didn’t learn why that would be.She learned that Deanna’s hands were warm, her muscles hard under the soft curves of her body, her breath gentle on Cas’ cheek even when they were both out of breath.

“Two-three-four and _turn_ , shoulders down- there you go, two-three-four, two-three-four, turn, turn, cross-body lead, two-three-four, good-“

“You’re a good teacher,” Cas said one day during a break.The air in the practice room was close and humid and stifling.They both sat half-collapsed against the wall, sweating and out of breath and exhausted.

Deanna stared at her in surprise for a moment, both happiness and embarrassment in her eyes before she scoffed and looked away.“It’s my job,” she reminded Cas, and got to her feet.

That was the end of rehearsal that day.

“So this section is a little complicated, it’s got a lot of footwork that- _shit_!”

Deanna pulled Cas into a corner behind a stack of filing cabinets at the sound of a key turning in the lock to the practice room.The space was tight, claustrophobic, forcing the two of them even closer together than they had ever danced- but anything was better than getting caught by unfriendly eyes.Neither of them needed that complication right now.

Cas listened to the footsteps pacing around the practice room, holding her breath as they got closer.There was no way to find out who had come in without exposing themselves, and there was no way to know how long the mystery newcomer would stay.Maybe they were just looking for something in the clutter littering the sides of the room; or maybe they were here for an extended rehearsal, trapping Deanna and Cas for hours.

The footsteps came even closer.Deanna’s hand came up to grab Cas’ arm, squeezing gently in an unconscious movement.Cas glanced at her and found her staring, mouth half open in a silent pant, fear and something unidentifiable hidden in her expression.

The footsteps receded, the door clicked shut, and they were left alone again.It took Deanna a few moments before she released Cas’ arm and stepped away.

“Two-three-four, two-three-four, and lift- you’ll learn that later, and turn, turn, and back- _ouch_ , fuck!Dammit, Cas, is this your idea of _fun_?”

Cas stood, sweat-soaked and aching, too tired to feel particularly apologetic for overreaching on the backbend and hurting Deanna in the process.Deanna glared at her, and at this point she didn’t even care.

“Yeah, as a matter of fact it is,” she snapped at Deanna sarcastically.“I just _love_ half-killing myself to learn an impossible routine while trying to avoid friggin’ _everyone_!The performance is in two days and I still don’t know any lifts, I’m shaky on turns, and I’m doing all this to save your _ass_ when all I want to do is drop you on it!”

Deanna stared at her, shocked at the outburst.Cas flushed a little, but she couldn’t tell if it was from anger, embarrassment, or just the heat of the room.

“Then let’s get the hell out of here,” Deanna said suddenly.

They were drenched the second they stepped out into the torrential downpour.The rain almost blocked out the sound of laughter from the main house, where Crowley had established a giant game of charades and other inane activities to avoid the summer thunderstorm.Cas smiled to herself even as she hunched her shoulders against the water dripping beneath her jacket- better out here, exhausted and soaking, than subjected to the rainy day “fun” at Kellerman’s.

Deanna led her down the muddy path that snaked behind the staff cabins and up another hill, where a few dingy cars were parked.Cas kept her head down to avoid the potholes now filling with water; as a result she ran right into Deanna where she was stopped next to an old black car.

“Sorry,” Cas mumbled.

Deanna didn’t hear her, too busy digging through her pockets and coming up empty.“Shit,” she muttered.She looked through the window and slammed her fist on the roof of the car.“ _Shit_ , I locked the keys inside.”

Cas peered inside and saw them immediately, sitting unhelpfully on the driver’s seat.“Maybe-“ she began, but stopped when she saw Deanna pulling the bobby pins out of her hair.“What are you doing?”

Deanna glanced at her and crouched down next to the door.“What’s it look like?” she asked, and proceeded to pick the lock of her own car.

Cas stared at her.The lock clicked within just a few moments of practiced maneuvering with the bobby pins, and Deanna opened the door with a triumphant smile.She slid into the driver’s seat, still smiling.“Well?” she said when she realized that Cas still hadn’t moved.

Cas hurriedly opened the passenger door and sat down.Her clothes stuck uncomfortably to her skin, her hair dripping cold water down the back of her neck, and her shoes squelching with every movement.She found herself smiling anyway, a strange and unfamiliar smile that emerged unbidden from the warm, delighted feeling in her chest.

“You’re wild,” she said in awe.

Deanna glanced at her as she put the car in reverse and backed them out of the parking lot.“What?” she said with a frown, despite the smile still playing at the corners of her mouth.

“You’re _wild_ ,” Cas said, laughing.“You gotta teach me how to do that.”

The smile broke free on Deanna’s face.She laughed as well, shaking her head.“You’re a weird chick, you know that?” she said as she turned on the radio.

The rain stopped only a few minutes after they left the resort.Afternoon sunlight filtered through the clouds, casting a golden glow on the drops of water pooled on every leaf and blade of grass.As they exited the dirt road to join the main highway, Cas even caught sight of a rainbow shimmering through the branches of the trees, the colors bright against the dark grey clouds behind them.She shifted closer to the window, trying to keep it in sight even through the twists and turns of the road.

“What is it?” Deanna asked.

“Hm?”

Deanna looked at her as best she could while navigating the curving mountain highway.“You were smiling at something.”

“Oh,” Cas said, turning back to the window, if only to hide the heat flushing her cheeks.“There’s a rainbow.”

Deanna was silent for a moment.“Oh yeah, there is,” she said quietly.Cas looked back at her, and found her watching Cas with an odd expression in her eyes.

They turned off the main road not long after joining it.The car trundled up an uneven and muddy dirt road, barely avoiding getting stuck in the potholes and mud pits that littered the way, and finally stopping next to a clearing filled with sweet-smelling grass and wild blackberry bushes.

Cas carefully avoided the puddle by her feet as she stepped out of the car.The sun was warm on her skin after the rain.She smiled and turned her face up to the dappled sunlight.

Deanna snorted somewhere nearby.“C’mon, flower child.”

Cas opened her eyes and hurried after Deanna, off the road and through the meadow.“Where are we going?” she asked, trying to pick her way through the muddy grass while still keeping up with the other girl.

“To learn some lifts,” Deanna said.She reached the edge of the meadow and disappeared into the forest beyond.Cas hesitated at the edge of the trees, then rushed to catch up.

The dense undergrowth only lasted for a few steps before it opened up to another clearing, this one formed by a gurgling stream tumbling down the slope.Deanna was already further up the hill, sitting on a large boulder with a smirk.

“Hurry up!” she called.“We don’t have all day!”

The trees shifted in a slight breeze, catching Deanna briefly in a beam of gold and green.For a moment, she was lit up like some etherial creature of the forest; then the trees shifted again, and she became again just a girl, waiting impatiently for Cas to reach her.

Cas swallowed and scrambled up the hill.

As soon as Cas caught up, Deanna stood and walked to the edge of the stream.A log stretched in front of her to cross all the way to the other bank, covered in moss and settled firmly in the ground.She bent down to take off her shoes, and stepped onto the knotted wood.It didn’t even shiver with her weight.

Deanna took several hesitant steps, then moved more confidently, until she stood suspended three feet over the burbling stream, perfectly balanced.

She turned around easily to face Cas, a smile dancing on her lips.She was different out here in the woods, lighter, more at ease- as if a weight had temporarily been set aside from her shoulders.A good thing too, Cas thought as she eyed the log.It looked pretty sturdy, but it wouldn’t take much for Deanna to slip and crack her head on the rocks below her.

“The key to lifts is balance,” Deanna said, drawing Cas from her nervous thoughts.She moved to strike a pose, like a gymnast on a tightrope.“If you’re not balanced, or if I’m not, both of us could fall on our asses.”

“It’s not strength?” Cas asked from the bank.

“Hell no,” Deanna said.“I mean, yeah, strength is important, but not as much as you would think.Most of the lifts out there, you don’t have to be all that _strong_ , you just need to be balanced.”She moved slowly to stand on tiptoe like a ballet dancer, then transitioned smoothly into a deep lunge.

Cas watched her, taking in the minute tremors of her arms as she fought to stay balanced.That was the only sign that what she was doing might be difficult; Deanna made every movement slow and strong and apparently effortless.“Where did you learn to dance?” Cas asked.

Deanna shrugged, still performing her slow motion balancing act.“There was this run-down studio near our motel when I was sixteen.I got to know the man who ran it pretty well, and he let me take some of the classes for free.”

“Did you always want to be a dancer?”

Deanna gave her an odd look.“‘Want’ never really had anything to do with it,” she said dryly.

Cas swallowed and looked down, expecting a harsh retort and a hasty return to the lesson.To her surprise, though, Deanna just kept dancing on the log, moving faster now that she was getting the hang of it.

“Money’s always been tight,” Deanna continued.“I’ve been working since I was thirteen, odd jobs in odd towns, just whatever I could get.I was a mechanic for a while before I started dancing, that was pretty good.”

“What happened?” Cas asked quietly, hesitantly, trying not to break the spell that had been cast over them, drawing words from Deanna so easily.

“My boss didn’t like that a teenage girl was better at fixing cars than him, so he fired me,” Deanna said, matter-of-factly, as if that was a reasonable thing for him to have done.

“So you started dancing.”

Deanna paused, lowering her arms a little.Her eyes flicked over to Cas and away again.She sighed.“I stripped at first,” she confessed.She didn’t look at Cas again, as if afraid of what she would see.“Sammy had just broken his arm, and I had to get the hospital bills paid.That was the best way to get it done.”She shrugged and resumed her slow-motion dance routine balanced precariously on a mossy log.“I probably would’ve kept doing it too, except the club got in trouble for hiring minors and it closed down.Plus… well, when Sam found out, he nearly killed me.Told me about the dance studio near the motel, how they had these classes where they showed you how to teach the dances, break ‘em down, you know?Told me I might as well get a reputable job if I was going to take care of him.”

Cas bit her lip, wondering what kind of life the Winchesters had, that forced a sixteen-year-old girl strip to take care of her younger brother.As much as Naomi and Michael lectured her, ordered her life, restricted her, they had always been there when she needed their help.They never would have left her to fend for herself like that; even if they had passed away, her life would be secured with a trust fund and an inheritance.

She was beginning to understand the way Deanna had looked at her when she tried to poke her nose into other people’s business.What did she know about anything?

“And so here you are?” Cas said, shaking herself out of that line of thought.

“Here I am,” Deanna agreed.“I never really had anyone except Sam growing up.So I guess it’s kinda nice, sometimes.Dancing with other people, I mean.It’s like making a connection- even if it’s fake.”She stopped, seeming to realize what she’d just said.She cleared her throat, finally breaking the spell that had drawn her just a little bit outside her walls.Her cheeks flushed.“So, lifts,” she said hastily.She looked Cas up and down, smirking.“Get over here.”

Cas swallowed and looked at the log.It suddenly seemed a lot less stable than it had just a moment ago.

“Caaaas,” Deanna said in a half whining, half singsong voice.“Let’s go, c’mon-“

Cas glared at her.Deanna just grinned as Cas toed off her shoes and stepped nervously on the log.

“That’s it,” Deanna said, coming closer to take Cas’ hands.With a gentle tug, she pulled Cas forward to the center of the log.The stream burbled happily beneath them, and Deanna’s eyes were warm as she smiled at Cas.

Deanna led them both in the basic mambo step, somewhat more carefully and wobbly than usual.Cas stared at her feet and struggled to keep her balance; this looked a lot easier when Deanna was doing it by herself.Now that she was standing on the log as well, she could feel the tiny tremors in the wood with every step, like the log was considering whether it was really worth it to continue supporting their weight.Cas clutched Deanna’s arms even tighter and focused on getting the steps right.

“And _lift_!” Deanna said, making as if to grab Cas’ hips.

Cas shrieked and sat down firmly on the log.Deanna laughed, her head tossed back with the force of it.

“Jesus, Cas, I was just kidding!” she said through her laughter.She sat down next to Cas on the log, letting her bare feet dangle in the spray of the stream.

“Don’t do that,” Cas said petulantly.It lacked any real heat- Deanna’s smile was too addictive for Cas to truly reprimand her.

“What, you never had a sibling try to freak you out before?” Deanna asked.

Cas shook her head.“It’s just me and my mom and dad,” she said.“And the nuns were very strict about our time when I was in school.No one would risk getting the paddle.”

Deanna’s eyes widened.“Catholic school?Shit, no wonder you’re so square.”She grinned impishly at Cas, not even flinching when Cas shoved at her shoulder with a scowl.“No seriously,” Deanna said, grabbing the log more securely.“I did catholic school for a hot second when I was a kid, somewhere in Kentucky I think.That shit sucked, and I was only there for three weeks.Must’ve been hell for you.”

“I’m out of it now,” Cas said with a shrug.“Although my parents wish that I wasn’t.They think Columbia is giving me too many ideas.”

“Like what?”

“Civil rights,” she said bluntly.“It was all well and good when I was donating their money to charity, volunteering at soup kitchens, that kind of thing.But, uh…”She looked down sheepishly, tracing a pattern in the wood beneath her.“I got busted at a riot at the beginning of the summer.They didn’t like that so much.”

“A _riot_?” Deanna said.She sounded almost impressed.

“More like a demonstration that got out of hand,” Cas clarified.“I was visiting a friend down in the Village.I ended up spending the night, and when we heard the police cars and the shouting we went down to find out what was going on.We got a little too involved, after we figured out what was happening.Everything just sort of… escalated from there.”She paused, remembering.The smell of fire from the trashcans that had been set ablaze by the homeless kids nearby; the anger of the crowd as they pushed against the police, like a rubber band threatening to snap; the crash of bricks and stones and bottles against the closed doors of the inn.“There was this one woman, this drag queen who’d been there since the police first raided the inn.These two cops had her cornered, and they were just _beating_ her, like she was a rag doll or something.And she was fighting back, even though her head was bleeding and she was bruised all over, she was fighting like crazy.They were shouting all these _things_ at her, talking to her like she was a piece of garbage- and I just, I couldn’t stand back anymore.I jumped on one of the cops and started hitting him with this piece of concrete I’d found, I don’t even know where.I think someone else from the crowd got the other cop, because nobody stopped me until the drag queen pulled me off the guy I attacked.She tried to get me away from there, but by then it was too late, and we were both arrested.”

She paused, clearing her throat.She hadn’t told anyone about that, not even Balthazar when he’d asked how she’d gotten caught.“Anyway,” she said, making an attempt at lightness.“My parents weren’t too happy when they came to pick me up from school the next day and found me at the police station.I wasn’t charged with anything, but still- I’ve never seen my mother that angry.We were already booked at Kellerman’s for the summer, though, so my father persuaded her that this could be a fresh start.Give me a second chance to be a daughter they approved of.So here I am.”

Deanna was staring at her.Cas glanced up and looked away again, blushing a little under the intensity of Deanna’s eyes.She traced the knot in the wood again and again until the heat receded from the back of her neck.When she looked up again, Deanna was still staring at her.

“What?” Cas said.

Deanna blinked as if coming out of a trance.“Nothing,” she said, looking away hastily.She clambered back to her feet and nudged Cas’ shoulder with her knee.“C’mon, we’ve got work to do.”

They put their shoes back on in silence.The afternoon was still warm and golden, humid from the rain earlier, and carefree without the threat of being caught at any time.They followed the stream down the hill until they reached the lake.Squinting across the water, Cas could just barely make out the shape of Kellerman’s main house, where the guests were having their organized family fun splashing in these very waters.She decided, as Deanna grinned at her and ran full tilt into the water, that she much preferred this kind of fun.

She followed Deanna into the lake without hesitation, yelping at the sudden shock of cold.Deanna laughed and splashed at her, swimming away easily when Cas tried to return the favor.She avoided Cas for a little while, then, with one last giant splash, she grabbed Cas and dragged her to the shallows.

“Water’s the best place to practice lifts,” Deanna said, a little breathlessly.“It doesn’t matter if you fall, see?”She swam up to Cas, standing close to her and grabbing her hips.Cas’ breath caught just a little.“This lift is straightforward, but it’s also the hardest one in the routine,” Deanna continued.“You’re gonna take a running start toward me, and I’m going to lift you from your hips like this, straight over my head.Like an airplane, kinda.The key here is to keep yourself tense and strong so that we can both balance.Got it?”

Cas nodded.She didn’t actually get it at all, but she would figure it out eventually.

“Alright, let’s try it!” Deanna said, stepping a good distance away and bending her knees in preparation.

They didn’t get the lift.

Cas fell more times than she could count.The first few times she tried, she merely fell on her feet, without the height she needed to go over Deanna’s head.For the rest, with Deanna’s hands firmly supporting her hips from below, she briefly had the glorious sensation of flying through the air, suspended over the water- until she overbalanced, bringing both of them crashing into the water.

Deanna didn’t snap at her the way she did in the practice room.Not out here, away from the pressures of the resort, the reminders of the differences between them, the debt she owed to Cas for doing this in the first place.Out here, she laughed after every disastrous swan dive, shouted encouraging words and tips for getting it right, and got ready to try again.It didn’t matter how many times Cas failed- Deanna was there each time to catch her.

As they drove back to the resort under the summer sunset, Cas thought she felt Deanna’s gaze on her face.When she turned to look, though, Deanna was staring straight forward, her eyes shining in the evening light and a smile dancing on her lips.

* * *

 

Cas leaned against the wall of Sam and Deanna’s cabin, far enough away from where Deanna and Sam were talking that she couldn’t hear their quiet words.She could read the anxiety in their movements easily enough: Sam kept touching his pocket where he was keeping the money, and Deanna kept her hand on his shoulder as she spoke earnestly.

Cas wondered what it would be like to have family that loved you that much.

Eventually, Sam pulled Deanna into a hug, patted her on the back, and pulled away to head to Kevin’s car.At one point, Sam turned back to wave at Cas.It took her a moment to remember to wave back; by that time, Sam was already in the car with Kevin, ready to pay off his parole officer.

As soon as the car was out of sight, Deanna turned and walked up the creaking wooden steps to join Cas on the porch.“Ready?” she said, opening the screen door to the cabin.

Cas nodded and followed her inside.

They gathered up their costumes for the dance in silence- one of Gordon’s dance tuxes for Deanna, and a sapphire blue dress from Deanna’s own wardrobe for Cas.The fabric was soft and silky in Cas’ hands, designed to flow and spin to show off her dancing.The prospect made her mouth go dry- she wasn’t sure she wanted her dancing to be shown off at all.She was going to look like a trained monkey in a beautiful dress, she knew it.

“Hey,” Deanna said quietly.“It’s gonna be fine.You’ve got this.”

Cas nodded, not in agreement but because she wasn’t sure she could get any words out through the dryness in her mouth.

Deanna bumped their shoulders together.“C’mon, we need to get dressed.”

Cas glanced up, meeting Deanna’s eyes.A strange thrill shivered its way down her spine, like an electric current passing between them.Deanna licked her lips, her grip on the hanger tightening.She turned away abruptly; it didn’t do anything to dispel the electricity raising the hair on the back of Cas’ neck.Cas didn’t move, still watching as Deanna set down the tux and grabbed the hem of her shirt.

Cas’ breath hitched in her chest.Deanna seemed to be moving in slow motion, her shirt rising inch by inch to reveal soft, supple skin beneath.For a long moment, Cas found herself captivated by the muscles on Deanna’s back, the shift and pull under her skin, a subtle dance in its own right.

Deanna tossed her shirt aside.Her hands descended to work on the button for her jeans, and Cas remembered herself with a start.She swallowed and turned to change into her own dance outfit, her face burning for no real reason at all.

Goosebumps ran down her arms.She wondered if Deanna was looking at her the same way that she’d looked at Deanna.

Deanna cleared her throat as Cas was pulling off her shorts.“Can you help me with this?” she asked quietly.

Cas glanced over her shoulder to find Deanna standing awkwardly, holding a length of cloth loosely around her breasts, and wearing a sheepish expression.Cas blinked and tilted her head in confusion.

“I have to be a guy, remember?” Deanna said, raising her eyebrows.

“Oh,” Cas said, her cheeks burning again.She walked over, suddenly self-conscious in just her bra and underwear.

Her hands were shockingly steady when she took the ends of the cloth from Deanna, in direct contrast to the storm blowing her this way and that inside her chest.She wrapped the cloth more securely around Deanna’s chest with businesslike efficiency, making sure that Deanna could still breathe even while her bust was mostly pressed flat.Her fingers brushed against Deanna’s skin.It was warm to the touch, smooth and pale where the sun never had a chance to darken it.

Cas pinned the cloth hurriedly and went back to her own corner of the room.

They finished getting dressed quietly.Deanna took a moment to pin her hair artfully to make it look shorter; then, without warning, she began to attack Cas’ hair with a comb.Cas winced as Deanna combed out tangles that Cas never bothered to deal with.Deanna didn’t show them any mercy, yanking them out until Cas’ hair was softer than it had been in years.

Deanna paused, the comb halfway down the length of Cas’ hair, her other hand twisting in the silky strands.Her fingers brushed Cas’ scalp, massaging it with the lightest of touches, sending shivers down Cas’ spine.

She resumed fixing Cas’ hair abruptly, using her hand twisted in the strands to pull it into a severe bun, softened by only a few curls she pulled out for effect.She examined the effect critically, her face only a few inches away from Cas’ but her eyes darting around to look everywhere but.Cas swallowed and tried to regulate her breathing.Deanna didn’t try to do Cas’ makeup for her, for which Cas was grateful.She wasn’t sure she would be able to survive Deanna touching her face for an extended period of time.There was no reason for Deanna’s proximity to agitate her- and yet her ragged heartbeat told a different story.

When they were finished, Cas barely recognized either of them in the mirror.

With her hair pinned up and the gentle curves of her body hidden under the tux, Deanna made a convincing man- albeit a slightly feminine one.Dressed like this, Cas could suddenly see the similarities between her and Sam, the shape of their jaws and the sharpness of their cheekbones.

As for herself…She met the eyes of the girl in the mirror, marveling at how the blue in the dress brought out the blue of her eyes.She’d never thought of herself as beautiful, or even very pretty- but this outfit seemed to be saying otherwise.As if she was someone worth looking at.

Deanna was looking at her right now.She didn’t meet her eyes, focusing instead on smoothing out the wrinkles in her dress.Her hands were shaking now, she noted dimly.Strange that they would be.Perhaps it was just nerves about the performance.That was all.

“Shall we?” Cas asked.She left the cabin before Deanna had a chance to answer.

The quiet in the car was stifling.Cas turned the crank to roll the window down, so that the fresh evening air could ease the tension.

Deanna paused before she turned the key in the ignition.With a sigh, she leaned over Cas to roll the window back up.The heat of her body so close to Cas’ was shocking and addictive against the chill from outside.Even after the window slid into place, she remained in Cas’ personal space for a long, drawn-out moment.

“The wind’ll mess up our do’s,” she explained belatedly.She hesitated before pulling away from Cas to start the car.

The tinny music from the radio did nothing to lift the silence.

* * *

 

The Shelldrake turned out to be a real hotel, the kind with room service and a pool, only half an hour’s drive from Kellerman’s.Cas eyed the Roman-style pillars at the entrance and the plush red carpets uneasily as Deanna drove them around to the back, where the staff entrance was only slightly less intimidating.It was one thing to dance with Deanna in an empty practice studio; it was another to do it in front of an audience, and yet another thing to do it at a hotel as high class as the Shelldrake.

Deanna glanced at her as they pulled to a stop in the dimly-lit staff parking lot.The orange glow of the streetlights made her look otherworldly, like a woman surrounded by the flames of some unknown passion.For a moment, it felt like more than Cas could do to even touch Deanna, let alone dance with her in front of hundreds of people.

“You’ll do fine,” Deanna murmured, shattering the illusion.She was the one to cross the distance between them with her hesitant hand.She squeezed Cas’ hand comfortingly.“And…Thank you.For-”She swallowed.“Yeah.”She slid her hand free and got out of the car.

As they walked to the staff entrance, Cas wondered what Deanna would do if Cas reached forward to grab her hand again.She missed the comforting pressure.Without it, she heard her heartbeat ringing in her ears, felt the waver in her knees.

_Head up, frame locked, shoulders back, spot when you spin_ , she reminded herself in an endless litany. _Head up, frame locked-_

It was dark backstage, and her fizzing nerves made time pass strangely there in the shadows.They had arrived an hour and a half before they were due to perform, and yet it seemed like she just had time to take a breath before all that time to spare was gone, never to be retrieved.With one breath, Deanna finished checking them in with the stage manager; with another, they had run through a quick review of the dance just to warm up; with one more breath they were standing in the wings and watching the act before theirs; and before Cas knew what was happening, Deanna was leading her onto the stage.

Cas squinted against the bright lights, blinding after the darkness backstage.Deanna was smiling graciously at the invisible audience while Cas just looked around dumbly.She elbowed Cas in the ribs, and Cas smiled as well.

“Ready?” Deanna murmured without moving her lips.

Cas swallowed and nodded minutely.Deanna took her hand and led her into the starting pose, Deanna’s arm strong and comforting on her back.Cas took a deep breath, her eyes closing involuntarily.

“Eyes on me, Cas,” Deanna said quietly.

Cas opened her eyes to meet Deanna’s, their golden green shining in the stage lights.With their eyes locked on each other, the music started, and they began to dance.

Deanna lifted their joined hands slowly, trailing her fingers down to take Cas’ other hand and turn her.Cas’ muscles felt stiff, without the strong flexibility they should have.Deanna was holding out her hand- right, Cas was supposed to take it.She reached out, and the music picked up as Deanna spun Cas in dizzying circles that seemed neverending.

And yet, when they did end, Cas’ feet picked up the next step without a conscious thought, the pattern too ingrained in them for her to forget.They wove their designs on the floor, and when she glanced up, Deanna was smiling at her.

Her heart and her feet skipped a beat.

“Other way,” Deanna whispered, but her smile didn’t fade into frustration or irritation.Cas corrected herself and let Deanna lead them into the next step, the next turn.The music was building, carrying them toward the climax of the dance, and with Deanna’s arms strong around her, she didn’t have a chance to dread what was to come.

“Here comes the lift,” Deanna murmured, and for the first time there was a note of apprehension in her voice.

They separated, rushing backwards to opposite ends of the stage.Without Deanna standing next to her, Cas’ nerves returned full force, nearly paralyzing her.Deanna’s smile encouraged her forward; she swallowed and ran toward her.

Her feet were wrong.Her stride was too long and then too short when she tried to adjust, her weight tilted in the wrong direction.She reached the spot where she should jump into Deanna’s waiting hands.

She didn’t jump.

Deanna grabbed her hips before they crashed into each other.Cas looked around anxiously, the music still playing unconcerned around them.She took a deep breath, and did the only thing she could do: she danced.

It wasn’t exactly graceful, the odd jerking movements that she pretended were choreographed into their performance.She bobbed awkwardly, not really sure what she was doing but knowing that she couldn’t exactly stop.

Thankfully, Deanna caught on quickly.While Cas bounced to the beat, Deanna grabbed her hand, spinning her around and back into the next section of the dance, as if that was exactly how this was supposed to go.Cas followed her lead gratefully, her heart still pounding with panic.Yet somehow, she felt peace overtake her, loosening the knot of anxiety in her gut.She’d already missed the lift- no other mistake would be as bad as that.

The dance ended on a much easier lift, one where Cas merely had to point her toes while Deanna spun her in the air.She landed as gracefully as she knew how, spun, and let Deanna drop her into a low dip to the triumphant last chords.The audience that Cas had nearly forgotten about broke into applause, as if congratulating them on surviving the ordeal.

Deanna held Cas in the dip for a while as the audience clapped.Her eyes met Cas’ with a shocking intensity- or maybe that was just the shine of exercise, the exhilaration of the performance.When she pulled Cas upright, the grip of her hand around Cas’ was almost bruisingly tight.

They bowed together.Cas looked out at the audience for the first time, her eyes finally adjusting to see individual people through the glare of the stage lights.

She stumbled in her bow as her eyes caught on a familiar face: Alastair from Kellerman’s, and his wife Lilith, both of them clapping politely for the performance while a waiter seated them.She’d seen Alastair and Crowley together often enough to know that if Alastair recognized her, there would be nothing they could do to save themselves.

Cas glanced at Deanna and saw from her wide eyes that she had noticed them as well.She hid her panic well, leading them in two more bows before they fled the stage as gracefully as possible.

 


	4. Dance With Me

Th silence in the car was different than it had been before, but Cas couldn’t quite put her finger on what the difference was.The way that Deanna glanced at her, maybe, or the way that Cas looked back; the release of tension born of pre-show jitters, or maybe just the tiny smile that Deanna didn’t seem to realize she wore.She drummed her hands on the steering wheel and mumbled along to the radio, something about sugar and candy girls.She stopped and cleared her throat when she saw that Cas was watching her.

“You did good out there,” Deanna said suddenly.“It went well.Really well.”

“I didn’t do the lift,” Cas reminded her.

Deanna shrugged and tapped her fingers on the wheel.Cas wasn’t sure in the darkness of the car, but she thought she could see a tinge of pink coloring Deanna’s cheeks.“Yeah- yeah, but you did good,” Deanna said.There was an odd waver in her voice, like excitement or nerves or uncertainty- leftover adrenaline from the show, maybe.Cas felt a little odd herself, exhilarated and exhausted all at once.“It was- the lift doesn’t matter so much,” Deanna continued.“You were great out there.”

Cas ducked her head against the window to hide the grin that spread across her face without permission.She definitely felt strange, bubbles of something bright and thrilling fizzing in her chest.“I thought we were done for when that couple from Kellerman’s showed up,” she admitted.

“Oh, me too,” Deanna agreed hurriedly.“I don’t think they recognized us though, I think we’re good.”She glanced at Cas again, then hummed along to the unfamiliar song on the radio with a smile on her face.

It took longer to get back to Kellerman’s than it had to drive out, the road twisting and dangerous in the dark.Cas rubbed her face and yawned when they finally rolled to a stop in the staff parking lot.She glanced at her watch, then squinted in surprise.It was past midnight; they had been gone for four hours, for all that the dance routine wasn’t even two minutes long.Sam had probably gotten back already.

She stepped out of the car and closed her eyes, stretching out the kinks in her tired muscles.She wasn’t used to staying up this late, let alone after a full day of dancing and anxiety.Sleep sounded like the most precious treasure in the world right about now.

When she opened her eyes, Deanna stood in front of her, a nervous half-smile on her face.Cas blinked, too tired to be surprised at her sudden proximity.

Deanna opened her mouth, then closed it again.She shifted her weight, her eyes darting away and then back to Cas’ face.“You have- um,” she said, gesturing at her own face.“Lipstick smudges,” she managed.

“Oh,” Cas said.She wiped at her mouth to fix her makeup, even though nobody was going to see it anyway.

“No, it’s-” Deanna said.“Here, let me-”

Before Cas knew what was happening, Deanna’s fingers were rubbing at the corner of her mouth, soft and warm against Cas’ skin.They remained there long after the lipstick was wiped away, tracing the shape of her mouth in the darkness.Deanna’s eyes were fixed on Cas’ lips, her own mouth half open and trembling in the heavy breaths that passed through it.

Cas held her breath.Her heart pounded out a rhythm like the steps of the mambo they’d just danced together, fast and passionate and eager.She swore that it stopped altogether when Deanna’s eyes slid upwards to meet her own.

“Dee!”

Deanna jerked away.She took a step back and turned to Kevin as he ran toward them.Cas had to take another moment to relearn how to breathe; Deanna had already plastered a smile on her face in greeting.

The smile faltered when she saw Kevin’s expression.

“Dee, it’s Sam,” he said.His eyes were wide with pure panic.

Deanna didn’t wait to hear more.She took off down the hill to her cabin without a backwards glance, leaving Cas and Kevin to catch up when they could.Cas hurried after her, tripping over the uneven path and her own exhaustion.

“I don’t know what happened,” Kevin said as he ran with her.“He won’t tell me- or he can’t, I don’t know.He just- I was supposed to pick him where I dropped him off, but he wasn’t there.I found him in an alley a few blocks over, and he…”

Kevin didn’t need to finish that sentence.They reached the cabin and stopped in the doorway, looking down in horror at Sam stretched out on his bed.

His face was completely bloodless, which only made the fresh bruises around his nose and eyes all the more stark.He lay on his side, curled around his stomach with his left arm cradled at his chest.His eyes were open, but unfocused, unseeing, and even from here Cas could tell that his pupils weren’t responding properly to the light.The harsh smell of cheap whiskey and vomit filled the entire cabin.

Deanna knelt down next to him, looking into his eyes and touching his face gently.Sam didn’t respond, as if she wasn’t even there.As if he was still lying half-dead in that alley.

Cas swallowed and ran out the door into the cool night air.

Her feet clattered loudly on the stone path, so loudly she was afraid it would wake everyone at the resort.Her breath was harsh and ragged in her ears, so different from the excited thrumming she’d felt just a few minutes ago.Her hands shook with fear or exhaustion, she didn’t know which.She ignored them, and ran even faster.

She tried to calm the frantic pounding of her heart, her heavy breath, the click of her shoes on the wooden porch of her own cabin.The cabin was dark, her parents long since gone to bed and assuming she’d done the same.She opened their door slowly, wincing as it creaked.

She knelt down next to her father’s side of the bed and touched his shoulder.He shifted in his sleep without waking; she shook him a little more forcefully, dragging him back into consciousness.

“Cassie?” Michael mumbled, squinting at her in the darkness.“What is it?”

Cas glanced at Naomi’s sleeping form, not yet woken by the noise.She shook her head and gestured to Michael to come with her.He eyed her with equal parts concern and suspicion, but he did as she asked without saying anything else.

She made sure to grab his medical bag on the way out.

He didn’t ask any questions as she led him to the staff area, though she could see him looking around with increasing curiosity and confusion.If he didn’t get answers soon, she knew his unspoken questions would become much more vocal and assertive.At least he was content to follow her in silence for now.

Thankfully, he didn’t need an explanation once Cas opened the door to reveal Sam lying bruised and bleeding on his bed.

Kevin leaped to his feet.“Cas, what-”

“My dad’s a doctor,” she explained shortly, holding out the med bag.

Michael glanced between her, Kevin, and Sam.Finally, he took the bag from Cas without a word, his blank expression revealing nothing, and knelt down next to Sam’s bed.

Cas stepped back, once, twice, until her back hit the flimsy screen door.She pushed past it, hurrying out onto the porch and down the stairs.Her legs buckled beneath her.She sat down hard on the warped wooden steps and rested her head in her hands.

She didn’t know how long she sat out there.It could have been hours, months, years- or maybe just minutes.All she had to keep track of time was the beat of her heart and the in and out rhythm of her lungs, and neither of those had been reliable lately.She waited, and waited, and waited.

Her father would be able to help Sam, she knew it.She wasn’t so sure about her own fate after the night was over.

Maybe Michael wouldn’t ask her anything about what happened.Maybe he would just be glad that she thought to get him, that she had helped someone in need.Even if he did ask, maybe she could lie, say that she’d never even met Sam or Deanna before, and it was just a coincidence that she’d been nearby to help.Maybe she could be so lucky.

She waited in the cold night air.

Despite all the stress and pounding of her heart, the length of the day began to catch up to her.Her head nodded forward, jerking up at the last second before drifting down again.It was like she was constantly flying and falling, flying and then falling again, swung uncomfortably between two opposing ends of the earth’s gravitational pull.If she kept sitting here, waiting, eventually she would either float away into the night, or be crushed under its weight.

The sound of voices nearby startled her out of her doze.She leaped to her feet in an uncoordinated stumble as Michael opened the cabin door, leaving Deanna standing in the doorway.He merely glanced at Cas before turning back to Deanna with a professional air.

“-concussion in addition to the alcohol,” he was saying.“He should be alright now, as long as he rests for the next week, minimum.Limited activity after that as well.He’ll be in pain due to his broken wrist and his other injuries- are you sure he can’t have painkillers?”

Deanna shook her head.“He’s in recovery,” she said.Her voice sounded wooden and numb.

Michael’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t comment.“In any case, let me know if he experiences any other symptoms, especially any memory issues, or new bruising.”

“Thank you, Dr. Novak,” Deanna said earnestly, shaking Michael’s hand.“I don’t know what I would have done if…”She swallowed and looked away.

“It’s my job,” Michael said, giving her a perfunctory pat on the shoulder.The look in his eyes as he met Deanna’s was hard as ice.“You make sure that you both stay on the straight and narrow,” he added, a bite in his voice.“You might not be so lucky next time.”

Deanna clenched her jaw and looked back into the cabin.“Yes, sir,” she muttered.

Michael nodded and made his way down the stairs, pushing past Cas as if she wasn’t there.He only acknowledged her existence after he was already halfway down the path.“Cassie,” he called quietly.

Cas glanced up at Deanna.The other girl wasn’t looking at her, instead watching Michael as he walked away.Cas swallowed and followed her father into the darkness.

They walked in silence for a long time.Cas didn’t dare look at him- who knew what she would find written on his face.The quiet needled at her, though, static electricity heralding the imminent storm.She almost wished that it would break, so that the prickling at her shoulder blades would subside.

“Thank you,” she said finally as they passed the barrier between the guest and the staff areas.

Michael stopped in his tracks.She could feel his eyes sharp and painful on her skin like a physical weight.She didn’t dare look up to meet them.

“Do you think I’m an idiot, Castiel?” he asked quietly.

Her real name.That was never a good sign.“No, sir,” she murmured.

“I know full well that you’ve been spending a good deal of time with these _dancers_.”He spat the word as if it left a foul taste in his mouth.“I was willing to overlook it when you were merely taking lessons from them, but associating with them when they are getting into bar fights and taking part in illegal activities is unacceptable.You are not to see those drug-addicted criminals again, understood?”

Cas bristled. _They’re not criminals_ , she wanted to say. _They’re good people who have had bad lives_ , she wanted to say. _They’re worth helping, worth knowing, worth loving_ , she wanted to say.

“Yes, sir,” she said instead.

Michael nodded, satisfied with her obedience.He began walking again, letting her trail after him like a lost duckling.“I won’t tell your mother about this,” he said.“Not unless you force me to.”

They were silent the whole rest of the way back to the cabin.

* * *

 

Cas waited until the sound of Michael’s snores filtered underneath the door to her room before slipping back out into the night.Her watch read two a.m.- and yet the hush all around the resort, the deep blackness all around, the sleepy stillness of the night, all held the forest captive in a timeless expanse with no beginning and no ending.The only disturbance to the quiet was the gentle breeze stirring the trees around her, and the odd shivering thrill that were growing in her core, chasing sleep away despite all her attempts to chase it.

She wandered aimlessly through the resort, picking her way carefully over uneven paths and deceptive shadows.Her feet chose the direction, and she paid them no mind; perhaps it was inevitable, then, that she found them carrying her up the familiar path to the staff area, up the stairs towards the practice studio.

A light shone faintly through the grimy window, bringing her out of her sleepy meditation.She hesitated, listening to the faint music filtering out into the night.That thrill raced through her heart again with an electric shock.Soon her skin would be humming with it, a live wire coming far too close to making contact.

The door was open just a crack.She slipped inside without knocking and shut the door firmly behind her.

Deanna jumped to her feet at the sound.She let out a long breath when she saw Cas, ran a shaking hand over her face.“Jesus, Cas,” she muttered.“Make a sound when you walk.”

“Hello Deanna,” Cas said.She looked over the other girl in concern.Deanna was pale-faced and trembling, her eyes wild and terrified.She seemed both exhausted and keyed up at the same time, intensely focused and scattered, relieved and frightened.There was a streak of Sam’s blood on her hand that she hadn’t even noticed.“You look terrible,” Cas told her.

Deanna snorted.“Way to make a girl feel good, Cas,” she said, but the quip lacked any heat.She was too distracted for that.“What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question.”

Deanna shot her an exasperated look and threw herself back down on the ratty couch.“I couldn’t sleep,” she muttered, not looking at Cas.“It- it felt like if I let myself drift off, Sam would die while I was asleep.”

Cas frowned.She sat down on the other end of the couch, perching uncertainly on the edge instead of relaxing.“I thought my dad said he would be fine,” she said cautiously.

“I know,” Deanna said.“Try telling my brain that.”She sighed, a long, worn sound that spoke of endless worry- not just from these past few hours, but a lifetime of it.A lifetime of worry for her brother, without parents to lift that burden from her slumped shoulders.“I thought maybe it would be easier if I left Kevin with Sam and came here to sleep.”

“Is it?”

She huffed a humorless laugh.“Not even a little,” she said.

They sat in silence for a long time.Cas watched Deanna, and Deanna stared at the floor, as if there was some hidden meaning in the scratches and scuffs obscuring the rough wood grain.Words bubbled in Cas’ throat, empty words of comfort- other, more dangerous words as well.She didn’t know what they were, or what it was that made them so dangerous.She swallowed them down before they could escape her.

“You never answered my question,” Deanna said suddenly, finally looking up.

Cas blinked, trying to remember the course of their brief conversation.“Oh,” she said finally, looking down at her hands, lying still and empty in her lap.“I couldn’t sleep either,” she murmured.“And… I wanted to apologize.For my father.The way he treated you.”

Deanna stared at her in surprise.“Hey, don’t- don’t apologize,” she protested.“Your dad was amazing.He saved Sam’s life, that’s everything.”

“Yes, but…”Cas paused.There were those words again, and she still didn’t know what they were, how they would feel on her tongue, whether they would electrify the air too much to bear.She said different words instead.“He treated you like a criminal,” she finished.

Deanna shrugged as if she was unconcerned; her clenched jaw said otherwise.“It’s fine, really,” she told Cas.“I’m used to it.I know what a big shot doctor sees when he looks at me.What everyone sees.”

Cas frowned.“That’s not true.”

“It is,” Deanna insisted.“And the truth is, they’re usually right about me.”

“Deanna-“

“I’m a former stripper who whores herself out to teach people how to dance,” she said bluntly.“My brother is an ex-con who I couldn’t keep out of trouble, and a grand total of five bucks to my name because no one wants to hire a high school drop out.I’m not worth much in the grand scheme of things.”

“You’re worth _everything_!”

Deanna stared at her.Cas swallowed and looked down.When had she gotten to her feet?

“There’s more in this world than just degrees and money,” Cas continued, quieter now.She remained standing, and even risked meeting Deanna’s eyes.“There’s bravery, and kindness, and- and love.That’s more important than anything my father has.”

Deanna shifted in her seat.Her eyes darted around the room, looking for an escape, a distraction.“This is rich, coming from you,” she muttered.

Cas stepped back.“Right,” she said around the sudden lump in her throat.“I don’t know shit about your life, I remember.I have a problem and I just run to daddy, real brave.”

Deanna looked up at her with wide eyes.“No, that’s not what-“ she began, then paused.“It was the bravest thing I’ve ever seen,” she continued earnestly.“You going to your dad without even thinking about it.Nobody’s ever done something like that for me.I never- I never met anybody like you, you see a problem and you _fix_ it, like it’s nothing.You’re the bravest person I’ve ever known.”

There was a light in Deanna’s eyes, something familiar and strange, thrilling and terrifying all at once.Cas recognized it and wished she didn’t, wished they could slow the course of the river of time so that they wouldn’t pass this point of no return.

“ _Brave_?” Cas said incredulously.“Dee, I’m scared of _everything_!I’m scared of what I did, what my parents will do, scared of who I’m becoming, of what it means that I feel-”She stopped herself.The words almost escaped her, words that should never have existed.And yet there they sat, shivering on the tip of her tongue, blocking her throat, burning in her gut.They had almost reached the open air, where they could be heard and judged and acted on.They had almost ruined everything.

Deanna’s face paled.“Cas,” she whispered, but didn’t say anything else.

They stared at each other for a moment that stretched into the infinite bounds of the universe, caught in this moment of almost, stuck on the edge of something glorious and disastrous.They needed to step back, away from this precipice, but neither of them knew how.

Then, in that endless silence, the record player clicked, and a new song began to play.

Cas stepped forward.Her body moved on its own accord, drawn by magnetism or chemistry or electricity, some fundamental law of the universe that she could no more disobey than the laws of gravity.She watched herself hold out her hand as if from a great distance; at the same time, she could feel every brush of air against her skin, the rustle of her clothes, the warmth radiating out from Deanna’s body.

And there were those words, bubbling too close to the surface to be ignored or stuffed away.The only words that made sense, the only words that had made sense this whole summer.She couldn’t avoid them anymore, couldn’t help but finally cross that line.

“Dance with me,” she murmured.

Deanna opened her mouth as if to argue, but nothing came out.She met Cas’ eyes with shocking vulnerability, laid completely bare in just that instance, all her walls crumbled and ruined.Her eyes never left Cas’ as she nodded and took Cas’ hand.

Cas pulled her to her feet.They both moved through a thick syrup of time, elongating the slide of their fingers and palms together into something akin to torture.Their hands new each other after weeks of dancing together; even in that endless moment they still fit together effortlessly, perfectly.

A voice crooned at them from the record player. _Don’t you feel like cryin’, don’t you feel like cryin’?_

Cas draped her arm over the curve of Deanna’s shoulders, her fingers brushing against the nape of Deanna’s neck.Deanna’s breath caressed her cheek in a sharp exhale.It took Deanna another beat of the music, another whisper of encouragement from the singer, before she lifted her arm to wrap it around Cas’ waist.

“Cas,” she whispered.There was fear in her voice.

Cas tightened her grip on Deanna’s hand and met her eyes.“Dance with me,” she said again. 

The movement began so slowly, so quietly, that it was as if it crept into their blood, taking over their muscles and bones and souls without their knowledge.Deanna shifted her weight, and Cas followed.They breathed together, and it was to the swing of the music.Their hearts beat, and they were in time with each other.

When Deanna moved, Cas’ hips followed the pattern Deanna had taught her all those weeks ago.It didn’t matter if Cas remembered it or not.Their bodies were so close together that the only way they could move was as one.

Cas slipped her right hand out of Deanna’s grip.It joined her left hand around Deanna’s neck, changing the shape of their dance just a little.Deanna licked her lips and lowered her hand to lock it with the other around Cas’ waist, supporting Cas in a slow dip backwards.When Cas came back up, Deanna’s eyes lingered on her neck, slid upwards to pause at her lips, and then her eyes.The movement brought them closer together, impossibly so, so that their chests expanded and collapsed in perfect synchronicity, breathing in the air from each others’ lungs.The soft, swaying beat of the dance touched their noses together, offset Cas’ legs from Deanna’s so that the inside of their thighs pressed together with every shift of their weight.

Cas met Deanna’s eyes and swallowed.Something was thrumming through her in a more frantic rhythm than the music, familiar and exhilarating and _hungry_.It spun the room around her in a dizzying shift of gravity.The only thing that remained still was the matching heat in Deanna’s eyes.

The music moved them still. _Here I am honey, cry to me._

Cas let the rhythm close the sliver of distance between them.Their lips brushed together ever so softly, like a sigh of inevitability or the shiver of sound between notes in a song.

It wasn’t a kiss, not really.Except that it was, it was, it was, and Cas’ heart pounded at the gentle touch.

Deanna pulled back ever so slightly.Her hands tightened on Cas’ waist.She held Cas’ eyes and let the music pull them back into the dance, moving in earnest now.Cas followed her lead, reveling in every inch of contact between them.She was drunk on it, intoxicated on the way Deanna’s muscles played under the press of her hands, the whisper of breath curling over her skin.

Deanna’s hands moved, fisting in the fabric of Cas’ shirt.The movement of the dance pulled the hem up from where it was tucked into Cas’ waistband; Deanna hesitated, then followed it through to untuck the shirt completely.Her hands slipped underneath to splay across the skin of Cas’ lower back.

Cas exhaled softly.Her eyes closed involuntarily, all of her focus shifted to that one patch of skin.She forced herself to open them again, to take in the look in Deanna’s eyes, hungry and wanting and full of that electricity that was driving Cas crazy.

She leaned in to press their lips together once more.

Deanna didn’t pull away this time.She sighed into the kiss, her lips parting ever so slightly.Cas trembled and let the shiver of air deepen the kiss into something warm and wet and panting.Deanna’s fingers traced designs on Cas’ back, feathery light and not nearly enough.

Without breaking the kiss, Cas reached down for the hem of her shirt and began to pull it up.Deanna’s hands met hers, stilling her movement.

“Wait,” Deanna said breathlessly.She rested her forehead against Cas’, her eyes closed and breathing heavy, as if she’d just danced a whole routine.“We- um.We shouldn’t…”

Cas swallowed and nodded, but she couldn’t bring herself to move away.Deanna had the same problem.Her breath was hot on Cas’ skin, and her hands warm where they wrapped around Cas’.

The song was still playing, a steady rhythm calling to them both.They shifted their weight in time to it, barely more than a gentle sway locking their bodies together.Deanna’s hand moved up Cas’ arms in a slow, torturous touch that sent shivers chasing after them over Cas’ skin.Cas watched their progress with a thrill of fear and excitement; when she looked up, she saw that Deanna was doing the same.Her breath escaped her in a whoosh, and she let her hands rest on Deanna’s hips.

The movement changed the rhythm of their dance only the slightest bit, but it was enough.As they swayed to the side, Cas’ thigh touched Deanna’s crotch.

Deanna gasped and stopped moving completely.Her eyes met Cas’, frightened and vulnerable.For one infinite second, they just looked at each other from where they stood on the edge of this cliff, afraid to take the leap.

Deanna broke first this time, and surged forward to catch Cas’ mouth with her own.

Cas whimpered at the strength of the kiss.She dug her fingers into the skin and bone of Deanna’s hips and was rewarded with a light nip on her bottom lip.She kissed back with equal ferocity, barely aware that she’d wrapped one hand around Deanna’s neck to pull her closer, but noticing every shift of skin against skin as Deanna did the same to her.She thought she might be trembling, shaking apart with want, with pure need; the knowledge was distant under the slick slide of Deanna’s tongue and lips, the heat of her skin, the smell of her perfume and her sweat, the little whimpers and gasps she made as they found a hungry rhythm to the beat of their own hearts.

Cas’ leg pushed forward between Deanna’s thighs again, earning her another hungry gasp, almost an aborted moan.Deanna wrapped her hands around Cas’ waist in retaliation; with another bite at her lips, she lifted Cas into the air so that Cas’ legs could wrap around her hips, all without breaking the kiss.

They may have missed the lift in the performance tonight, but this was one that Cas didn’t even have to think about.

She slid her hands into Deanna’s hair, letting them get tangled in the soft strands.The fabric trapped between their bodies felt rough on her fevered skin, an unwelcome barrier between skin and skin- and yet she couldn’t bring herself to take her hands from the silky mass of Deanna’s hair to do anything about their clothes.She growled and kissed Deanna deeply, recklessly, as if she could make it be enough by sheer force of will.

They were both gasping by the time Deanna walked them over to the couch- and yet that same song still hadn’t ended.Deanna broke the kiss to gently lay Cas down onto the understuffed cushions.Cas whimpered at the loss of contact, but then Deanna was removing her shirt, and the new expanse of sweat-slicked skin made it all worth it.

Cas swallowed.She reached out, suddenly hesitant.She’d seen this smooth, pale skin usually hidden beneath a shirt just this afternoon; and yet that experience was worlds away from what was happening now.She was almost afraid, afraid to touch the way she so desperately wanted, afraid to continue down this path they had started on.

She glanced up and saw Deanna watching her, chewing at her lip in anxiety and insecurity.All her fear evaporated; she smiled at Deanna instead.

“So beautiful,” she murmured.

Deanna blushed, the redness traveling from her face to her chest, all the way down to touch her breasts.Cas followed it with her fingers, and then with her mouth.Deanna drew a deep, shuddering breath as Cas began to bite and suck at the soft pillow peeking out from her bra.

“Cas-“ Deanna murmured.Her hands wove into Cas’ hair and tugged Cas up sharply to meet her mouth again.She pushed forward to straddle Cas’ hips, all the while giving her deep, drugging kisses like she was drowning and Cas’ lips were her only lifeline.

Cas pulled away with a gasp.She panted as she pulled her shirt over her head, reveling in the sudden contact- finally, _finally_ \- of skin against skin.Deanna attacked her mouth again before she’d even tossed her shirt to the side, pressing her back down against the couch.

“Cas,” Deanna moaned again.“You-”

Cas cut her off by sliding her lips and tongue and teeth to Deanna’s collarbone, digging her nails into Deanna’s waist.Deanna gasped and rocked her hips into Cas’.The angle was odd, dampened by the pants both of them still wore for some reason.Even so, Cas felt the contact like a shiver in her gut, a thrill that she wanted, _needed_ to chase.

“You were saying?” she mumbled shakily into Deanna’s skin.

Deanna kissed her again with ferocious passion.Her tongue delved deep into Cas’ mouth as she slid one of her legs between Cas’.“Asshole,” she breathed into Cas’ lungs.She rolled her hips again, and the angle was just good enough so that her thigh dragged along Cas’ crotch.

Sparks showered along Cas’ bones and tugged at the heat in her belly.The sound that escaped her lips wasn’t even a whimper- it was far closer to a breathless whine.She shifted her hips to repeat the sensation, bending her knees just a little bit.

This time it was Deanna who panted and moaned at the contact.The sound sent another thrill down Cas’ spine, almost as delicious as the slow brush of Deanna’s leg against her clit.

“Jesus fucking christ,” Deanna said.Her breath hitched as Cas repeated the movement, finding just the right rhythm and pressure to draw out those perfect little noises.“Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

Cas huffed out a laugh.It turned into a gasp at a particularly well-angled shift.“I think I’m starting to get the idea,” she breathed.Deanna kissed her again, biting hard on Cas’ lip.The pain was perfect, a glorious counterpoint to the pleasure pooling in Cas’ gut.

In a fit of inspiration, Cas moved her hand from the skin of Deanna’s back, down to the gap between Deanna’s legs.

Deanna shuddered and moaned against Cas’ lips.Cas smirked and bit Deanna’s lower lip playfully.Deanna growled at that, moving her own hand to Cas’ crotch, rubbing in slow, wide circles that made Cas’ head spin.She moaned, barely remembering to move her hand on Deanna; the sounds she drew from Deanna’s mouth completely made up for the divide in her concentration to do it.

“F-fuck,” Cas gasped.

They found a rhythm together, one they’d already built over weeks of steps and turns and lifts and their hearts beating in tandem.Sweet desire thudded through Cas’ veins everywhere Deanna touched her, all at once too much and not enough, not enough.It was a fire consuming her from the inside out.It collected deep within her, dense and burning and _so close_ to exploding out to destroy her whole world.Her entire being was collected into that one boiling pit, the point where Deanna’s fingers worked through layers of clothes to caress fizzing nerves.The only thing she could do was return the favor, try to imitate the magic that Deanna was working on her.

Deanna gasped and moaned and kissed her like it was the only thing in the world worth doing.There was an edge to the abyss, and they were both careening toward it, to fall or fly together.

The inferno swept through Deanna first.She cried out and shuddered, her hand stilling on Cas as tremors shook her whole body.Cas stroked her through it, kissing her as best she could through the fire and her belly.Deanna responded sloppily, lazily, her body gone boneless on top of Cas as Cas withdrew her fingers.

“Cas…” Deanna whispered, and began to move her hand again.

Cas gasped.She could feel Deanna smiling against her skin as she writhed against those nimble fingers, playing her like she was a delicate and beautiful instrument, their gentle touch so contrary to the violent storm brewing inside her.It was both a wildfire and a cloudburst waiting to happen, the slow shifting of the earth under the surface and the boil of magma about to explode.

“Dee-“ she said.Her voice sounded even more broken than she felt, poised on that unknown precipice.

“I’m here,” Deanna breathed.“I’m here with you, Cas.”She crooked her fingers ever so slightly, hitting that sweet spot perfectly one last time.

That was all it took.The storm broke through Cas in a clap of thunder and lightning, glass shattering and fires raging, waves crashing on a rocky shore and earthquakes rattling the ground beneath them.

She came back to herself slowly, trembling and dizzy with the aftershocks.Deanna watched her face carefully, tracing gentle patterns on her cheek.Cas smiled at her and pulled her in for another clumsy kiss.Her muscles didn’t want to cooperate with her, too loose and watering to do anything more than lie there.They figured it out anyway.

Deanna stretched out and rested her head on Cas’ chest.Cas sighed contentedly at the welcome weight.Her fingers stroked through Deanna’s hair as her eyes slipped closed without her permission.Her exhaustion finally claimed her, dragging her down to sleep with Deanna wrapped in her arms.

* * *

 

Cas woke to the bizarre sensation of the surface beneath her shifting out from her weight.She mumbled her confusion, squinting around the dark room.Sometime in the night, she and Deanna had changed positions, so that her head had rested on Deanna’s breasts and Deanna’s arms had held her close.Except now Deanna had moved, leaving Cas lying alone on the uncomfortable couch.

“Sorry,” Deanna whispered.Her face was mostly obscured in shadows, turned away and carefully blank.

Cas yawned and rubbed her face with her hand.“Time s’it?” she muttered.The piece of sky visible out the grimy window was still inky but getting lighter by the second.

“‘Bout five,” Deanna said, her voice muffled by her shirt as she pulled it on.“I need to check on Sam, and you need to get back before your parents realize you’re gone.”

Cas sat up with another yawn.Her head spun a little with the effort- two hours of sleep, after everything that happened, wasn’t nearly enough.“Right,” she said.She glanced at Deanna, tracing the grace in her movements, remembering what it felt like to feel that grace under her hands.“Hey,” she murmured.“Do you think-“

“I have to go,” Deanna interrupted.She stood abruptly and walked to the door with a decisive stride, only pausing when her hand touched the knob.She hesitated, then left without saying another word.

Cas sat on the couch for a while longer, staring at where Deanna had disappeared into the early morning.A cold breeze slipped around her bare shoulders, and the record player buzzed without a tune.

 


	5. Let You Go

“Castiel, are you feeling ill?”

Cas blinked and made an effort to sit up straighter.Naomi frowned at her, in concern over her health or her manners- Cas couldn’t tell which.“I’m fine,” she said, sipping at her tea.“I just didn’t sleep well last night, that’s all.”Or rather, it had been the best sleep she’d had in ages, cut short by the click of the door behind Deanna’s retreating form.

Michael was looking at her through narrowed eyes.She cleared her throat and changed the subject.“So, what are you planning for the day, mother?”She toyed with her fork instead of eating.Kellerman’s supposedly had five star cuisine for every meal, but today the perfectly fluffy eggs looked greasy and unappealing.

“I thought I might take some sun out by the lake,” Naomi said.She glanced between her husband and daughter, but didn’t comment on the obvious tension.

“That sounds nice,” Cas said hurriedly.“Mind if I join you?”

Naomi looked startled.“Not at all, Cassie,” she murmured.“Michael?Would you like to come as well?”

Michael continued to watch Cas for another beat before turning a false smile to his wife.“You two go ahead,” he said.“One of the staff is ill so I’d like to check on him, and I think Crowley has scheduled a golf match for us this afternoon.”

Cas looked down at her plate.

“Michael, surely the boy has another doctor he can see,” Naomi said reproachfully.“You shouldn’t be working during our vacation.”

“I’m afraid this can’t be helped,” Michael responded lightly.Cas could feel his eyes on her without having to look up.She knew what she would see in his expression anyway.“Enjoy the lake, my dear.I’ll see you both at dinner.”

The beach at the edge of the lake was loud with children’s laughter, too bright, too hot, too noisy.Cas trailed behind as Naomi led them to a pair of beach chaises.She remained standing when Naomi lay down, looking over the water instead.Somewhere out there, beyond the deep blue water and along the tree-lined shore was the rocky beach where Deanna had tried to teach her the lift, where they had laughed together in the sunshine.

“Aren’t you going to lie down?”

Cas came back to herself to find Naomi staring at her over the top of her sunglasses.She scrambled to perch on the empty chair, folding her hands awkwardly in her lap.It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but she couldn’t bring herself to lie down the way Naomi had.

Naomi huffed disdainfully.“If you don’t want to be here, just go,” Naomi advised her, pushing her sunglasses back up and lying down again.“Don’t dawdle about for no reason.”

Cas hesitated.She knew where she _wanted_ to be.The question was whether she was willing to take the risk.Whether she could bear the chance that despite everything, all she had been was a warm body in the night, rejected and ignored once the sun showed itself.

She got to her feet slowly.She wasn’t sure she could face that possibility, but the alternative, the hesitance and the insecurity, that was worse.

Naomi spoke again as soon as Cas turned to leave.“Oh, and Castiel?”

“Yes mother?”

“Be careful about where you spend your time, and with whom,” she said.“There have been reports of theft from several guests.I would hate for you to be taken advantage of.”Naomi’s eyes were sharp and piercing, even through the sunglasses.“Your father may believe in second chances, but I don’t,” she murmured.“Keep that in mind.”

Cas swallowed.“I will,” she mumbled, and hurried away.

* * *

 

She waited around the corner of Sam and Deanna’s cabin, listening intently.Voices filtered out through the open door, footsteps following them to the porch.

“Make sure he stays in bed all day,” Michael said, just out of sight by the front door.“No more trying to work, for god’s sake.”

Cas ducked away as his footsteps creaked on the steps and crunched on the gravel path.She didn’t hear the reply, too focused on Michael’s retreating footsteps as he headed back to the main house.As soon as he was out of sight, she rounded the corner and hurried up the porch steps.

“Cas?” Kevin said in surprise when she knocked on the screen door.He peered at her through the mesh.“Your dad was just here.”

“I know,” she said, squinting past him.All she saw were shadows further obscured by the screen.“Can I come in?”

He sized her up and shrugged.“Not my cabin anyway,” he said, opening the door.

She slipped inside and stopped at the foot of Sam’s bed.He looked both better and worse than he had the night before.Some of the gray pallor was gone from his face, his brow no longer covered in sweat; but the bruises continued to swell and darken, leaving him with a misshapen patchwork of color around his eyes and nose.His chest rose and fell evenly, and his eyelids fluttered with his dreams.

“How is he?” Cas asked quietly, so that she wouldn’t disturb his sleep.She glanced around the one-room cabin discreetly, but it was empty aside from the three of them.She tried not to let her disappointment show.

Kevin shrugged again.“Doc says he’ll be fine as long as he stays in bed,” he said.“Deanna caught him trying to sneak out so he could work today, dumbass- he could barely stand up, let alone dance.So now I’m stuck babysitting.”

Cas swallowed.“What about Deanna?” she asked.Her voice sounded overly casual, but there was nothing she could do about that.It was either going to be too casual or wracked with nerves, with no middle ground.“I would’ve thought she’d be glued to Sam’s bedside.”She’d been counting on it, actually.She didn’t mention that part.

“She probably would be, except Crowley would’ve _really_ flipped out if both his prize dancers called in sick instead of just one,” Kevin said.“Plus, she had about a million private lessons scheduled for today, which means tips.”

“Don’t you have work though?” Cas asked with a frown.“Won’t Crowley be angry that you’re out, too?”

“Of course I have work,” Kevin snapped, a little louder than necessary.Sam stirred in his sleep, making them both flinch guiltily.“Do you really think Deanna thought of that when her brother needs a nanny?That’s the thing about the Winchesters.When push comes to shove, they don’t care about anyone else.It’s all about their own little fucked-up world.”

Cas looked at Kevin, her frown growing deeper.She thought about the tenderness in Deanna’s eyes when she watched Cas come, the softness in her hands when they danced together, the patience and praise in her tone when Cas struggled with a particularly difficult step.“Surely Deanna wouldn’t allow you to get fired just so you could keep an eye on her brother,” Cas said hesitantly.

Kevin threw up his hands.He leaned back against the wall with a sigh, letting his head thump against the warped wood.“I don’t know,” he said wearily.“Maybe not.She knows that Crowley can’t fire me, though, so she likes to take advantage of that.More than she should.”

“Crowley can’t fire you?” Cas asked, momentarily distracted from her thoughts about Deanna.She leaned against the wall next to Kevin, trying to imitate his relaxed posture and failing.“Why not?”

Kevin was silent for a long time.He chewed on his lips and twisted his hands, clearly torn about answering such a personal question.She was about to take it back when he spoke up.

“Gabe Kellerman, the guy who used to own this place, was my dad,” he said quietly.“He and my mom had a fling for a while, but it’s not like he could marry her or anything, not with who he was and who… she is.But, he did hire me on, and for a little while he even talked about passing the resort on to me instead of Crowley.All he had to do was declare that I was his son, but I guess he changed his mind about that.Anyway, he did add a clause to my contract that Crowley can’t fire me.He can treat me like crap, but the only person who decides if I leave is me.”

Cas took a moment to digest this.She looked at Kevin and wondered what the resort would be like if he was the one running it.Would her parents have even thought to come to a family resort owned by the Chinese-American bastard son of their late friend?

“Why don’t you leave, if Crowley treats you so badly?” she asked.

He glanced at her.“It’s hard enough for someone like me to get a job,” he said.“Let alone if Fergus Crowley has a grudge against you and starts spreading shit around to all his buddies.Besides- this place is my home.I can’t just give it up to Crowley with a fight.”

They fell silent for a while, both of them watching Sam breathe in and out, in and out, in and out.Cas looked down at her hands, twisting them together.

“Crowley’s still going to be angry at you for missing today’s work,” she said eventually.“And you need the money, right?”

Kevin grunted in agreement.

She moved to the other side of the bed and sat down on the chair next to Sam’s head.“Then you should go work,” she told Kevin.“I can keep an eye on Sam.”

Kevin frowned, pushing off the wall.“Wait, really?”

She imitated one of his frequent shrugs.“Nobody will miss me,” she said honestly.“Go on, I’ll be fine.”

He smiled in relief.“Thank you,” he said.“I owe you one.”

“No you don’t,” she told him.

He grinned and waved as he practically sprinted out of the room, leaving Cas alone with the unconscious Sam.She sighed and settled back in the chair, ready for a long wait.

* * *

 

She jerked awake at a gentle nudge on her shoulder.She sat up so quickly her head spun, from the head rush or just bewilderment.Her back ached from the awkward position she’d fallen asleep in, and her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

“Dee?” she mumbled, searching for who had woken her.

A shape moved in the semi-darkness, revealing not Deanna but Kevin.Cas blinked and tried not to feel disappointed.

“She’s still working,” Kevin said.“I thought I’d give you a break, though, so you could do the whole family dinner thing.”

She rubbed her eyes and glanced at Sam still sleeping on the bed next to her.He’d woken several times during the day, but he’d just seemed confused and then gone right back to sleep again, with no indication he would try getting up anytime soon.“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” she murmured.Michael would be furious if he knew where she’d been all day.Maybe she could just tell him she’d taken a nap and lost track of time.It was the truth, after all.

She stretched and stood, letting Kevin take her place at Sam’s bedside.“Thank you, Kevin,” she said quietly.

He just shrugged and picked up a book from the bedside table.

The cool evening air felt like heaven after the stuffy heat inside the cabin.Cas stretched again, reveling in the breeze that stirred her hair and filled her lungs.She should probably stop by her own cabin before heading to dinner- her dress was rumpled and her hair a complete disaster.If she showed up at dinner like this, Naomi would probably have an aneurism.

Maybe she would see Deanna dancing at dinner tonight.Or maybe she would look for Deanna at work.The other girl could only avoid her for so long.

Decided, Cas walked down the slope to the main house.

* * *

 

Cas could hear the familiar sounds of Deanna’s warm up music long before she reached the gazebo.She paused in the shade of a tall evergreen, willing her heart to stop pounding so wildly.

Maybe this was a bad idea.It would be so easy for Michael to find out that she’d talked with Deanna in such a public place.It would be so easy for Deanna to ignore her completely, to keep avoiding her because the night they’d spent together had been just that- one night amid all the thousands they’d spent alone.It would be so easy for her to walk away now, and live with the wanting ache in her chest for the rest of her life.

“Dammit,” Cas muttered to herself.She straightened her back and continued walking toward the group dance lesson.

The music changed as she approached, switching from the warmup music to what Deanna called her “mayonnaise foxtrot” music.Cas smiled.Deanna’s loathing for the foxtrot never failed to amuse her- mostly because after a while, Deanna’s rants about it deteriorated into nonsensical sputterings.

Her smile slid off her face when she looked up into the gazebo and saw who was dancing there.

Sam looked _almost_ normal.His face was still swollen, but the bruises were gone- probably curtesy of Deanna’s makeup.He smiled and danced with his partner as if there was nothing out of the ordinary, expect for the occasional wince when he moved his broken wrist wrong.If Cas didn’t know any better, she would have thought he was just a little bit off for the day, not recovering from being beaten half to death.

Of course, Deanna’s glare might have given Cas a hint to Sam’s condition.She only occasionally took her eyes off her brother, with an air of mixed concern that he might drop to the ground at any moment, and fury that he was out of bed at all.The smiles she shot to her various partners were noticeably tense, making the guests look uneasy themselves.

After a few minutes of awkward shuffling, the foxtrot set ended.The guests stepped politely back from their partners with stiff nods.Amid scattered applause and compliments, Deanna shot a fake smile at her students.“Alright folks, let’s a take a five minute break, and then we’ll switch it up and do the cha-cha!”

Cas swallowed.This was her chance- probably her only chance.She started up the steps of the gazebo, her eyes fixed on Deanna changing the records.

She wasn’t even halfway up the stairs when someone beat her to it.Crowley crowded close to Deanna and grabbed her upper arm, blocking Cas’ chance to talk to her.He leaned in close, one part possessive and two parts threatening.

“What’s going on with your moose of a brother, Ms. Winchester?” he hissed at her, quietly enough that Cas had to strain to hear him.

Deanna shifted uncomfortably, but didn’t move to shake him off.“He’s fine,” she said.“He just got stung by a bee yesterday.”She met Crowley’s eyes with muted defiance.“He’s allergic,” she added.

“Oh, is he now?” Crowley said with a touch of sarcasm.He tightened his grip on Deanna’s arm.“You’d best watch yourself, Deanna.You know what will happen if you lie to me again.”He leaned forward and whispered something in her ear.Deanna clenched her jaw, but nodded and murmured something indistinguishable in response.

Cas felt a weight sink down through her throat to rest heavily on her heart when she saw Crowley’s hand slip possessively over Deanna’s ass, his lips grazing her ear as he whispered to her.

Cas turned away before she could see any more, before she could do something rash like punching Crowley in his smug face for taking advantage with like that.Her stomach churned with fury and disgust, not least because of the downcast and resigned cast of Deanna’s eyes.

She’d been right.Coming here was a bad, bad idea.

“Cas!”

She paused halfway across the lawn toward the main house, glancing back as Sam hurried to catch up to her.This close, she could see how pale his face was under the makeup and the disguised bruises.It looked like a slight breeze could knock him down and keep him down.Automatically, she reached out to steady him.

“You should be in bed, Sam,” she told him with a frown.

He waved a shaking hand dismissively.“I’m fine,” he said.“I couldn’t afford to miss any more work, anyway.I just… I wanted to thank you, for everything you’ve done for me.For both of us.And… I owe you an apology.”

“You don’t have to-“ Cas began, but he cut her off with a shake of his head.

“Yeah, I do,” he said.“You helped me so much, and I ended up fucking it all up.”

Cas swallowed her protest, taking in the earnest look in his eye, the determination in the way he help himself upright.“What happened?” she asked instead.

Sam sighed and ran his good hand through his hair.“After I paid Luc off, I ran into this girl I used to know.Ruby.We were together back when…Anyway, she persuaded me to get a drink with her.For old time’s sake, she said.”Sam smiled sadly at Cas.“I shouldn’t have.I used to be so in love with her, though.I guess even all the shit she pulled didn’t really take that away, you know?”

Cas didn’t glance back at the gazebo.“Yeah, I think I do,” she said.

Sam gave her an odd look that she didn’t try to decipher.After a moment, he sighed and continued.“Yeah,” he said.“Well, I guess she wasn’t the only person from before who knew I’d be in town that day.This guy, Brady, he used to chill with us, he was… not the only reason we got in trouble, but the main one anyway.And I kinda… gave him up to the court for a more lenient sentence.Turns out that he’s the kind of guy who holds grudges.”

“He did this to you?”

“Him and his buddies, yeah,” Sam said, looking down at his beaten body.“I would’ve been fine if Ruby hadn’t gotten me drunk first.”He glanced up and saw Cas’ expression.“Nah, I don’t think she knew,” she said in answer to her unspoken question.“But I shouldn’t have been drinking with her, period.It’s bad for recovery.”He sighed and tousled his hair again.“Anyway.I don’t want to make any excuses for myself, I just wanted to apologize.I let you and Deanna down, and I’m sorry.”

“Sam, you didn’t,” Cas said.“You _didn’t_ ,” she insisted when he raised his eyebrows in disbelief.“Everyone messes up.That’s what it means to be human.You’re doing the best you can, and that’s all that anyone can do.You’re alright, that’s the important part.”

He stared at her.“You really believe that, don’t you,” he murmured.He smiled a little- not a lot, guilt and self-loathing still lingering on the edges of his expression, but enough.“You’ll be good for my sister, I think.”

Cas’ eyes widened.She took half a step back, her heart suddenly pounding, her head spinning.“What do you- um,” she stammered, not really sure how she could respond without everything that had happened written all over her face.“I don’t-“

“Relax,” Sam said, his smile widening.He held his hands up in a placating gesture.“I spent half my life idolizing my sister, I’ve known about her inclinations for years.It’s fine, really.Free love, and all of that.”

Cas remembered the riot, the shouting and the screaming and the blood on the street, on her hands.Free love came at a price.“You won’t say anything, will you?” she asked quietly, cautiously.

“To your parents, or to Deanna?” Sam joked.Seeing her flinch, he rushed to continue.“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.I’ve never even said anything to Deanna, not even after she wouldn’t stop talking about you.”

“She did?” Cas said, jolted out of her thoughts of violence and hatred and what her parents would do if they found out.A tiny smile crept across her face despite the oppressive weight of the future.It didn’t change anything, but it was nice to hear anyway.

She chose not to interpret the look on Sam’s face as pity.

“Look, it’s none of my business, but can I give you some advice?” Sam said.“With Deanna… there’s a lot of bullshit.She has these ideas about the way things are, and when she’s scared or worried she’ll try to turn them into walls around her.Just… don’t let her do that.It’ll be easier for both of you if she doesn’t.Trust me.”The pained look in his eye spoke of experience.

“I’ll try,” Cas said.Not that the advice would do her any good if Deanna wouldn’t even talk to her.

Sam glanced back at the gazebo, where couples were once again lining up for the lesson.“I’d better go,” he said.“Thanks.For, um… for listening.”

“Of course,” she said.Sam nodded and started walking away.

He turned after only a few steps.“Oh, and Cas?”

“Yes?”

“If you hurt my sister, you’ll have me to deal with,” he said cheerfully.

She looked at his solid six-foot-four frame, daunting even with his injuries, and swallowed.“Understood,” she said weakly.

He smiled and made his way back to the gazebo.She watched him rejoin the lesson, clapping Deanna on the shoulder and chatting amiably with the guests.Deanna frowned at him and said something.Sam just shook his head and turned back to the guests.

Deanna looked out across the lawn, searching for whatever had taken her brother away.Cas hurried away before she could see the expression on her face when she realized who Sam had been talking to.

* * *

 

The chatter of the guests and clatter of dishes from dinner echoed loudly down the service hall leading to the dining room and kitchen.Cas took a deep breath and let the door swing closed, muting the sounds somewhat.Her head still throbbed even without the noise pressing in around her; her excuse of a headache was not without foundation.

Worse than the headache, though, had been the conversation between her father and Crowley about the immorality of draft dodgers and the anti-war movement.When Crowley had gone so far as to pat her cheek wen she ventured a hesitant opinion, her headache had gone from minor annoyance to full on migraine.

She was only halfway down the hall when the outside door opened.She glanced up absently, then froze.Deanna froze as well, one hand still on the door handle, the other halfway through pushing her hair from her face.

They stared at each other for an impossibly long, tense moment.So many different expressions chased across Deanna’s face that Cas couldn’t even begin to process them.She could barely even understand the feeling of simultaneous flying and sinking within her own chest.

Finally, Deanna pasted a smile on her face.“Hey Cas,” she said, overly casual.

“Hello Deanna,” Cas said.Her voice came out far too low and hoarse; she coughed to clear it.

“I’m, uh…” Deanna said, taking a few tentative steps forward.“Just, uh, just gonna grab a snack from the kitchen.”She gestured uselessly at the door down the hall, then rubbed the back of her neck like she didn’t know what to do with her hands.

“Right,” Cas said.She wasn’t entirely sure what to do with herself, either.She’d had a plan for this, a speech or a conversation mapped out.She couldn’t remember for the life of her what it was.

Deanna continued to edge toward the kitchen, skirting around Cas like she had some kind of disease.There was definitely more falling than flying in Cas’ heart now, the kind where the ground was taken out from under her with a suddenness that was dizzying, leaving her with nothing but gravity dragging her down.

“I’ll see you around, I guess,” Deanna said, looking everywhere but at Cas as she passed.

“Wait,” Cas said suddenly.

To Cas’ surprise, she actually stopped.She sighed, her shoulders dropping, then turned around to face Cas head on.

“Can we not?” she said quietly, wearily.“Can we just forget that it happened, and move on?”

Cas opened her mouth, then hesitated.Deanna’s eyes were tired and hostile.Cas could almost see the walls that Sam had mentioned, building up behind Deanna’s irises brick by impenetrable brick.“I-” Cas stammered.The constriction in her chest squeezed her voice out tiny and quiet.“Is that really what you want?”

Deanna shrugged and looked away.

“Dee-“

“It was a mistake, okay?” Deanna snapped, her voice pained and desperate and angry.Brick by brick, the walls were climbing higher.“God, we shouldn’t even _know_ each other, let alone-”She stopped, clenching her jaw.“It was wrong,” she said quietly, with all the force of a bullet leaving the barrel.

“Wrong,” Cas repeated.The word grated across her nerves, gravel on a skinned knee, nails on a chalkboard, a cop screaming _fucking tranny_ as he beat a woman half to death.Her headache, momentarily forgotten at the sight of Deanna, came back in full force.The pain struck a chord deep inside her, resonating bitter and vindictive in her gut.Better that than succumbing to the gaping wounds Deanna was gouging in her gut; Deanna wasn’t the only one who could build angry walls.“So when you kissed me and friggin’ _slept_ with me that was what, a freak accident?Did you slip on a banana peel or something?”

Deanna flinched, looking around the empty hallway.“Keep your voice down,” she muttered.

“No,” Cas spat recklessly.“We had _sex_ , we didn’t _kill_ someone.And you can’t tell me you didn’t want me as much as I wanted you, I saw your face, I _felt_ how much you wanted it.It wasn’t wrong, Deanna.Just because you’re scared-“

“Shut up,” Deanna hissed, rushing forward to grab Cas’ arm.Before Cas could even process the sudden warmth at her side, Deanna was manhandling her into the nearby storage closet, closing the door firmly behind them.

Under the heavy waves of Deanna’s breath, Cas heard voices out in the hall.

“-he do it?I’d hate to have gone through all this trouble otherwise.”

Cas swallowed.That low and greasy voice belonged to Crowley.If Deanna hadn’t heard him coming, if he’d caught the two of them talking, they would have both been screwed.

“He’ll do it,” someone else said- Alastair, by the nasal whine.“I’ve turned the screws tight enough that-”

The voices faded as Alastair and Crowley walked away.Deanna’s vice-like grip on Cas’ arm loosened at the sound of a door closing, but she still didn’t let go.She sighed, her breath brushing Cas’ cheek.

“You’re right,” she whispered suddenly.Cas looked up in surprise, but she couldn’t see her face in the dark closet.Maybe that was what was giving her the courage to speak now.“I am scared.I can’t afford to fuck up this job, Cas.Why do you think we broke Sam’s probation in the first place?Crowley was the only person in three states who was willing to take us on.If I get fired, there won’t be any work for us.”

“I know,” Cas said quietly.Her anger slipped away as quickly as it had arrived, leaving her cold and lonely even with Deanna’s hand still wrapped around her bicep.“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Hey, don’t apologize,” Deanna protested.Her voice shivered like a leaf at the start of winter, barely clinging to its perch.“I just…I can’t do this.I can’t…”

Cas reached up to lay her hand over Deanna’s on her arm.“I get it,” she said.She took a deep breath, squeezing Deanna’s hand gently.“The truth is, we would both be screwed if we…”She stopped.It was too dark to see Deanna’s expression, but she looked away from it anyway.“My parents said they’d cut me off and leave me on the streets if I went against the “family morals” again.”

“Jesus, Cas,’ Deanna said in horror.She shifted her weight, bringing their bodies closer together ever so slightly.“I didn’t know, I’m sorry.”

Cas shrugged even though she knew Deanna couldn’t see it.“That’s because I didn’t tell you.”

“Yeah, but-“Deanna paused.Her fingers twitched on Cas’ arm, as if she wanted to move them but stopped herself.“God, Cas, if you got in trouble because of me- I’m not worth that.”

Cas’ heart squeezed painfully.“Yes you are,” she whispered in spite of herself.

They stood in silence for a long time, neither of them moving.It felt like they were both holding their breath, even though Cas could feel her own chest moving in and out, Deanna’s uneven breaths brushing her skin.

Cas cleared her throat to stop herself from dwelling on that caress of air on her cheek.“So,” she said.Her voice cracked despite her best efforts to keep it even.“I guess this is it.”

“Yeah.”

“I guess you won’t want me doing any more dance lessons either,” she said, trying for levity and coming up short.“It wouldn’t exactly-“

Deanna cut her off with a hard, bruising kiss.Cas gasped in shock.Deanna took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, her hand wrapped possessively around the back of Cas’ neck and her lips insistent and rough.

They were both panting by the time Deanna pulled away.Cas swallowed and opened her mouth; she had to try several times before she could make any sounds come out.

“I thought, um,” she mumbled, “I thought we weren’t doing that anymore.”

“Sorry,” Deanna said breathlessly, resting her forehead against Cas’.“Last one, I promise.”

A tiny whine escaped Cas’ lips without her permission.She took a deep breath, struggling to control herself.“Maybe…” she said.“Maybe just one more?A goodbye kiss.”

Deanna’s breath left her in a whoosh.Cas surged forward to capture her lips, pushing all of the need boiling in her stomach up and into the kiss.She told herself that if she tried hard enough, this kiss could satisfy all her cravings, make parting with Deanna that much easier.

It didn’t work.With every movement, with every slide of Deanna’s lips, her tongue, her teeth, it all just drove the need deeper until it encompassed all of Cas’ being.

Deanna seemed to be having the same issue.She pulled back, only to lean in again to taste Cas’ lips more thoroughly.Cas let Deanna push her up against the closet door, uncomfortably positioned so that the doorknob was digging into her lower back.She didn’t bother shifting position, too engrossed in the sensation of Deanna’s tongue slipping into her mouth.She moved her leg instead, sliding it between Deanna’s and reveling in the sharp intake of breath that passed from Deanna’s lips to her own.

“Not here,” Deanna said suddenly, speaking against Cas’ mouth like she couldn’t bear to part with it.

“Dee-” Cas mumbled, trying to restart the kiss.If this was going to be their last kiss, they weren’t even close to being done.They would never be done.

“Just-” Deanna murmured, her voice shaking a little as Cas ran her hands up Deanna’s sides.“God, Cas, I need you so bad, but-”She cut herself off with another devouring kiss, humming in appreciation and pressing even closer.“But we’re in a closet.We… um…”She trailed off, apparently too focused on getting her hands underneath Cas’ shirt to pay attention to what she was saying.Cas shivered as Deanna gave up talking in favor of biting Cas’ collarbone.

“If you think it’s such a bad idea,” Cas said breathlessly, “then maybe you should stop kissing me.”The mark Deanna was sucking would be an impressive one, she could tell.Thank god she’d packed quite a few high-necked dresses and shirts to hide it.

Deanna growled and kissed her on the lips again.“Shut up,” she muttered against Cas’ lips.“Last I checked, there are two people participating in the kissing.Maybe _you_ should stop first.”

“You want me to stop?” Cas said, pulling away when Deanna went in for another kiss.She moved her hands down Deanna’s back to settle firmly on her ass, pulling their hips together.Deanna gasped and tried to kiss her again.Cas pulled away again before their lips touched, letting the space between them sizzle with tension.

“Minx,” Deanna gasped, grinding down on Cas’ leg like she couldn’t help herself.Cas wasn’t much better, scrambling for leverage against the door so that she could do the same.

Deanna leaned forward again, this time aiming for Cas’ jawline, working her lips and tongue and teeth down Cas’ neck.Cas hummed in appreciation and tugged at Deanna’s ass again.She felt Deanna gasp against her skin, and then the curve of her mouth as she grinned.In the darkness of the closet, Cas could just barely make out the mischievous light in Deanna’s eyes.

“Two can play at that game,” she said, and dropped to her knees.

This was getting out of hand, but Cas couldn’t bring herself to care as she felt Deanna’s fingers working at the button of her pants, Deanna’s mouth hot on the stretch of skin just above her waistband.Deanna made a triumphant noise when her pants finally came undone, falling to Cas’ ankles in a heap.Her underwear followed soon after.Cas barely had time to feel exposed before Deanna’s breath hovered warm and wet over her cunt.

“Is this okay?” Deanna whispered.

Cas trembled at the ghost sensation of Deanna’s lips so close to her skin.She nodded furiously, before remembering it was too dark for Deanna to see it.“Yes- yes,” she rasped.

She felt rather than saw Deanna smile, before Deanna leaned in and licked her way into the folds between Cas’ legs.

“ _Fuck_.”It came out louder than it should, but _god_ it was so good, the hot slickness of Deanna’s tongue around her clit, not touching yet but _so fucking close_ that she was going to die from it.Her hands fumbled in the air until she found Deanna’s head.She carded her fingers through Deanna’s hair, tugging on the strands with every wave of pleasure building up inside of her.“Oh god, Dee-”

Deanna moved her hands up Cas’ sides until they reached her hips.With a firm tug, she pulled Cas lower into a better angle, one that made Cas gasp at the sudden increase in pressure from her tongue.Cas’ thighs trembled with the exertion of holding herself in place, as if all the dancing and muscle building was in preparation for this exact moment.

The glorious heat in her belly grew even faster than last time, driven by desperation and the loss she’d felt just a few minutes before.Deanna’s tongue continued to explore, press, swirl, driving Cas closer and closer to the edge until she careened over it with a muffled shout.

The aftershocks shuddered through her as she panted and leaned her head back against the door.Deanna pressed her forehead against Cas’ stomach, shifting her weight on her knees in a quiet rocking motion.Cas slid a hand down Deanna’s neck, onto her shoulder and along her arm.She swallowed as she realized that Deanna was touching herself.

She bent down to pull up her underwear and pants again, then pulled Deanna up to her feet as well.Deanna surged up to kiss her with all the need and desperation that Cas had felt moments ago.Cas kissed her as fiercely as she knew how, biting and sucking on Deanna’s lips, swirling her tongue into the other girl’s mouth, tasting herself in Deanna’s mouth.She slipped her hand down to join Deanna’s, to wring out those gorgeous sounds that Deanna seemed incapable of stopping.

“Shit,” Deanna gasped, “shit shitshit _, Cas- ahh-_ ”

Cas felt the wave crest and break under Deanna’s skin and smiled into the kiss.

They stood in silence for a long time, both struggling to catch their breath.Cas hummed contentedly as Deanna panted into her neck.She ran her fingers gently through Deanna’s hair, working out the knots carefully and straightening the parts that she had mussed.After a moment’s hesitation, Deanna followed suit, doing what she could to make it look like they hadn’t just had sex in a hall closet.

Finally, Deanna stepped back, taking the illusion that everything was alright along with her.Cas shivered in the sudden cold.From what she could tell in the dim light, Deanna was looking down and away, her throat working silently.

“Cas,” Deanna said quietly.Her voice was dull and emotionless, so unlike how she’d sounded saying Cas’ name in a kiss.“We can’t-”

“I don’t want to stop dancing with you,” Cas blurted out.Deanna stopped talking, finally looking up.Cas wished the light was brighter, so that she could tell what look was hiding in Deanna’s eyes behind the shadows.She took swallowed and continued.“Dancing with you- being with you- has been the most amazing… I’ve never had anything like this in my whole life.”

Deanna’s sigh floated out of her mouth and sank to the floor, defeated and lonely.“Me neither,” she whispered, so quietly that Cas almost didn’t hear her.

Cas took a deep shuddering breath.“I can’t let this go,” she said.“And I don’t think that you can either.”

The closet was silent again, aside from the whispers of their breath, the pounding of Cas’ heart.In the darkness, Deanna’s shape disappeared into the shelves behind her, so that for a moment Cas was truly all alone in here.

“Cas, I-” Deanna said finally.She stopped herself, then started over.“I just… I need some time.I need to think about- about this.Please.”

“Right,” Cas said.“Of course.”She ignored the leaden feeling in her chest and stepped aside, allowing Deanna to open the door and leave.“You can go first, if you want,” she said dully.

Deanna stepped forward, but hesitated with her hand on the knob.She was standing close enough that Cas could feel her sigh.“I just need some time,” she murmured again.She leaned forward and kissed Cas, sweetly this time, with a tenderness that made Cas’ knees tremble far more than they had during her orgasm.

After a moment, Deanna pulled away, opened the door, and disappeared.Cas leaned against the door as it closed, wondering if she should just give in to the weakness in her legs and fall to the floor.

 


	6. Love Is Strange

Crowley, Cas began to find, was far more persistent than she had given him credit for.Especially since his eyes and his hands were so frequently preoccupied with harassing Deanna instead of her.

“Cassie, my angel,” he crooned at her as she walked down the lawn toward the cabin.She paused politely, trying not to make it too obvious she was looking for an avenue of escape.None were forthcoming- it was too long after breakfast for there to be any crowds of people nearby, and the open lawn had nothing for her to duck behind.“You’re looking impossibly beautiful today.”

She brushed her hands self-consciously down her dress.She’d worn this exact same outfit several times over the course of the summer, and it was starting to look a little worse for wear after being crumpled on the floor since she’d last put it on.“Thank you,” she said awkwardly.“Were you looking for my father?I think he’s-”

“No, my dear, I was looking for you,” Crowley said, smiling in a way that was probably meant to be charming.“I’ve seen you lurking about near the dance classes, and I thought you might join me in one.”

Cas tried not to visibly flinch.“I haven’t been-”

“Don’t be so coy,” he interrupted again.“The shyness act is charming to be sure, but you’ll never learn if you never try.”He held out his arm for her to take.

“My father doesn’t approve of dancing,” she blurted.If Michael saw her at a lesson…

Crowley actually winked at her.“Let me worry about your father,” he said, proffering his arm again.

She took it reluctantly, wishing she didn’t have to actually _touch_ him in order to go along with this.On the other hand, Michael couldn’t fault her if she was dancing with Crowley.And if that meant she got to see Deanna again, even from a distance, well…What Michael didn’t know wouldn’t kill him.

They reached the gazebo just as Sam and Deanna were beginning the lesson with their usual demonstration.Cas’ steps faltered at the sight of Deanna smiling and carefree, the way she only seemed to be while dancing.She moved so naturally, as if her body was just an extension of the music itself, just another line of notes weaving through the melody.As graceful as Sam was, Deanna was infinitely more at home in the movement, natural, happy.Watching her made something in Cas’ chest glow with warmth, expanding until she could hardly breathe around it.

Cas’ eyes trailed lower and she felt warm for an entirely different reason.The dance today was latin, but much slower than the mambo that Cas had learned before- and Deanna’s dress was almost backless, showing off every slow, tantalizing shift of her muscles, the soft swish of her hips.Cas’ fingers twitched, reminding her what it felt like to tough those hips, run her hands and her mouth along Deanna’s skin.

She glanced away and saw that Crowley was leering at the same places Cas had been looking at.She clenched her jaw and looked back at the dancing.

Sam led Deanna into a spin out, so that Deanna’s skirt swirled around her at the furthest extension of their arms.As she began to spin back in, her eyes swept the crowd of guests and landed squarely on Cas.

Deanna stumbled and barely righted herself before she fell.She continued dancing as if nothing was out of the ordinary, but her movements were now heavy, distracted.They finished the dance with a simple dip rather than a lift like they usually used to spice up a routine.

“Thank you all for coming,” Deanna said as she came out of the dip.She didn’t look at Cas again.Her smile looked fake even from a distance.“Today’s dance is the rhumba.As you all saw, it’s a little slower than usual, so that we can all take a break from the heat.So everyone partner up, and we’ll get started!”

Cas turned to find Crowley waiting for her with open arms.She sighed internally and took his hand gingerly.

The steps weren’t difficult; the rhumba felt like a slower, simpler version of the cha-cha Deanna had been teaching the other day.Except as it turned out, Crowley was a lousy lead.Maybe it was because Cas was trying to dance with as little physical contact with him as possible, or because his hand on her back wandered lower and lower with every step, or maybe Crowley was just that bad.No matter the reason, it caused Cas to stumble over her own feet far more than she had even when first learning the mambo, and her steps were jerky and ungraceful as she cringed away from Crowley’s touch.

“Like this.”

Cas shivered at the sudden whisper of Deanna’s voice near her ear.Deanna’s hand appeared to accompany it, touching Cas’ arm gently to lift it back into frame.Her other hand placed Cas’ more securely on Crowley’s shoulder.

“You want to make sure that you keep this space clear,” Deanna said.She spoke to Cas, but it was clear from the way she glanced at Crowley and shifted her weight that she meant it for him.“This is your dance space, and that’s his- like a bubble around each of you.You can’t cross into his, and he can’t cross into yours.”She looked at Crowley much more pointedly, raising her eyebrows at him.

He chuckled, and it wasn’t a pleasant laugh.Cas had a feeling that if she hadn’t been there to witness, Crowley would have been a lot less convivial about Deanna reprimanding him.As it was, he merely muttered, “It’s a fine day when my own employees order _me_ about.”He took a half a step back, not nearly as much as Deanna had indicated, but enough that Cas felt like she could breathe again.

Deanna then proceeded to ignore her own advice.She stepped so close to Cas that Cas could feel her breath ghosting across her neck, the heat of her body almost touching her own.Her hands, still touching Cas’ lightly, slid down Cas’ arms, trailed down her sides, until they landed on Cas’ hips.Her touch felt like wildfire on a rain-starved plain: sudden, dangerous, and dizzying in its heat.Cas had to force herself not to close her eyes and revel in it, to hold in the sigh that would escape more like a moan.She kept her face carefully impassive, even as she burned.

“Try the step again,” Deanna murmured.Cas didn’t think she imagined the breathy waver in Deanna’s voice.

Crowley stepped forward into the basic rhumba step, and Cas followed as best she could.She couldn’t even tell if she was doing the step correctly.Deanna’s hands were curled around her hips and her breath hot on her neck, and it was all Cas could to to remember that she even had feet to move.She might as well have been flying.

She wondered if this was Deanna’s answer.

After a moment, Deanna cleared her throat.“Good,” she said, stepping away.Cas tried not to mourn the loss too visibly.“That’s much better.”

“Perhaps you should take some lessons, Cassie,” Crowley said with a smirk.Now that Deanna had moved back, he took the opportunity to step closer again, ignoring the dance bubble Deanna had described.“That way we could tear up the dance floor together.I’m sure that Miss Winchester would be more than happy to give you a taster lesson for free.”

“I-” Cas began, then trailed off when Deanna’s hand touched the small of her back, where Crowley couldn’t see.

“Whatever you say, boss,” Deanna said cheerfully.“Miss Novak, I have a sign up sheet at the front if you’d like to block out some time together.”

Cas turned to look at her, forgetting Crowley standing right there.“Really?” she asked, breathless and eager.“Are you sure?”

Deanna coughed, her eyes flicking to Crowley.“I’m happy to give you a free lesson, if that’s what Mr. Crowley wants,” she said lightly.Her hand pressed gently into Cas’ back, laden with the real meaning of her words.

“Okay,” Cas breathed.She held her trembling smile of relief on the inside, kept her expression polite and blank.“Okay.”

With one last press against Cas’ back, Deanna left to help another pair of guests.Cas turned back to Crowley and his wandering hands, feeling fifty pounds lighter than before.She could endure a thousand dances with Crowley if it meant she got to see Deanna again.

* * *

 

They danced.

Sometimes it was the quick rhythms of the mambo or the cha-cha that moved their feet in endless circles around each other.Sometimes it was the slow, close movements of the dirty dancing from the staff gatherings, the kind that felt like the twang of a guitar string, the thrum of their heartbeats pounding together.Sometimes it was the gasping, sweaty electricity between their two bodies, skin against skin, pleasure and need driving them forward.

“What made you change your mind?” Cas whispered the first time they came together, their naked and sweat-slicked bodies tangled into one.

Deanna looked at her for a long time, then leaned in to kiss her sweetly on the lips.It wasn’t an answer, but almost was, something that hummed to intensely between them to put words to it.

And so they danced.

They met in the staff practice room, in the dance studio, in Deanna’s cabin.Cas made appearances at activities where her parents would see her, and snuck away as soon as their attention was elsewhere; any guilt she felt was quickly banished by Deanna’s strong arms around her.Sometimes they joined the staff dance party, dancing wildly together while the guests had their organized fun.Sometimes they stayed in, chatting with Sam and Kevin while Deanna twined their fingers together.Cas blushed when Sam noticed and smiled, but she didn’t let go of Deanna’s hand.

Once, Cas arrived in the practice room to find Deanna poking around at the random junk discarded and forgotten in the corners.She stopped and watched as Deanna picked up an old, chipped guitar like it was an old friend.Deanna plucked a few strings, winced at the off-key notes, and started to tune it by ear.

“Do you play?” Cas asked quietly.

Deanna jumped, making the guitar twang unpleasantly.She put it down hastily, a flush coloring the tips of her ears and the back of her neck.“Don’t _do_ that,” she said with a shaky laugh.

Cas sat down on the couch, tucking her feet underneath her.“Will you play something for me?”

The blush spread further across Deanna’s cheeks.She looked down at her feet, clutching the neck of the guitar.“I can’t really-“ she said.“I’m not any good.”

“But you want to be.”

Deanna shifted her weight.“I don’t know,” she muttered.“I mean, yeah, it’d be cool to actually _make_ music, you know?Instead of being just a dance teacher.Make something real.”She glanced up, but looked away again almost immediately.“It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” Cas said.“Just human.”She hesitated, tilting her head as she gauged Deanna’s expression.“Play for me?” she asked again.

Deanna opened her mouth to respond, then paused.Her eyes searched Cas’ face, a vulnerability hiding under their defensive mask.Cas didn’t say anything, just waited patiently for Deanna to decide.

Finally, Deanna picked up the guitar and perched on the arm of the couch.She plucked a few strings to test them, adjusting the pitch ever so slightly and avoiding Cas’ eyes.

“I only know a little bit,” she warned.“And I’m really not very good.”

“I don’t care,” Cas said, shifting so that she could face Deanna fully, resting her head on the back of the couch.

Deanna cleared her throat and ducked her head.She continued to tune the guitar for a few more moments, even though to Cas’ untrained ear the pitches sounded perfect.Eventually, Deanna gave up on it as well.She glanced up at Cas, and began to play.

For all that she professed not to be any good, her fingers were deft and skilled as she picked out her chords and a lilting melody.The song wasn’t anything that they could ever dance to, too soft and slow and tender for the exposed length of a ballroom.Cas held her breath as she listened.She didn’t want to disturb the quiet lullaby, the soft look of contentment that passed over Deanna’s face.

She nearly gasped when Deanna began to sing.

“ _Now I’ve had the time of my life_ ,” Deanna crooned, the words slipping from her lips to dangle delicately in the air around them.“ _No I’ve never felt like this before.And I swear, it’s the truth, and I owe it all to you…_ ”

Cas barely moved as Deanna sang and played, wrapped up in this spell falling over them both.Deanna kept spinning delicate strands of music around them, a tapestry woven from her own soul, saying all the things they couldn’t speak out loud with just the gentle timbre of her voice.The song wrapped around Cas’ heart, a tether tying her and Deanna inseparably together, for better or for worse.

“ _You’re the one thing I can’t get enough of.So I’ll tell you something, this could be love, because I’ve had the time of my life, and I’ve searched through every open door till I’ve found the truth, and I owe it all to you._ ”

Deanna finished the song without any flourishes, just with her head bowed and her fingers still.They remained in silence for a long time, letting the echoes settle in the air around them.

Cas took a deep breath.“You wrote that, didn’t you,” she whispered.

Deanna set the guitar down.She crawled over the couch to Cas, cradling her face in her hands, kissing her gently, sweetly.“Yeah, I wrote it,” she breathed into Cas’ skin.

The “for you” was unspoken, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t heard.

They danced.

Their fingers traced patterns on each others’ skin as they spoke softly in the darkness, words they never would have said in the harsh light of day.They breathed their secrets into each others’ mouths like they were nothing more than a puff of air passing between them, safeguarded in the others’ lungs.

_My father left us when I was twelve_ , Deanna whispered. _He couldn’t forgive me for looking like our dead mother._

_I was invisible until I fucked up,_ Cas murmured back. _I followed orders for twenty years, and they only noticed I existed once I stopped._

They danced, hiding behind locked doors and inside closets at the barest hint of voices.They listened as life at the hotel passed by their bubble of happiness, so close to them and yet as distant as a storm on the horizon.

“-can’t tell anybody about this, alright?I don’t know how he found out, but I have to-”

“-some croquet after lunch.I hear that Patricia Egbert was thinking of-”

“-nothing major, just five hundred.I know you can afford that, so don’t bother trying-”

“-you don’t think she’s up to her old… behaviors?This was supposed to be a bonding experience, and yet still she’s galavanting off-”

They danced, and pretended the outside world didn’t exist.The outside world wasn’t kind enough to return the favor.

“Taking some lessons, Cassie?” Crowley purred at her, placing his hand on her shoulder.“I suppose I’ll have to ask you to dance tomorrow night then, so you can show off your skills.”

Cas hummed in noncommittal agreement, pretending that the basic mambo was what she’d been doing before Crowley came in.Deanna stood a respectable distance away, flipping a record over in her hands.

Crowley glanced at Deanna and leaned in closer to Cas.“Make sure this one give you your full hour’s worth,” he said, not nearly as quietly as he should.“She’s been known to skimp.”

Cas stumbled, biting her cheek.The pain distracted her enough that she didn’t snap something nasty at him, but it was a near thing.

Crowley nodded as if he’d done her a great service, and drifted away toward Deanna.Cas continued her fake practice, straining her ears to listen and watching them in the mirror.

“You’ve been a hard girl to find, Miss Winchester,” Crowley murmured.

“Sorry, sir,” Deanna said.She didn’t meet his eyes.“I’ve had a lot of private lessons recently.People are getting ready for the talent show, I guess.”

“You guess,” Crowley said with a mocking bite.He stepped closer to her, so that he was practically whispering in her ear.“Do you know why I hired you and your brother?”

“To teach-”

“I hired you so that you could be available to me and my guests whenever we want, _however_ we might want you.Is that clear?”

Deanna’s face was studiously blank as she nodded.“Crystal, sir,” she said quietly.

“Good.”Crowley pulled away from her, but not before pinching her ass with a lascivious wink.“Come find me when you have a moment,” he told her, and left the studio.

Deanna looked down at the record in her hands.She took a deep, audible breath and put it down, taking her time before meeting Cas’ eyes in the mirror.“What?” she snapped, defensive and confrontational in a way she hadn’t been with Cas in weeks.

Cas turned to look at her fully.She chewed on her lip, not sure what she wanted to say, if she was angry or sad or just disappointed.

“You’re sleeping with him,” she said finally.

Deanna clenched her jaw.“Yeah, well…” she muttered, looking away.“Gotta make ends meet somehow.”

“He _pays_ you?”

“Obviously,” Deanna said through gritted teeth.“Look, can we not talk about this?I just-”

“How many?” Cas asked, still surprised at the waver in her own voice.She didn’t know what she’d expected, not after seeing how desperate Deanna was, the way Crowley treated her even in full view of his guests.It still made a weight bear down on her heart.

Deanna shifted, still not looking at her.“Whoever can pay,” she said quietly.“Crowley, Alastair, Roman…It’s either give them what they want, or Crowley kicks me to the curb.”

“Dee…” Cas whispered.

“It’s fine,” Deanna said with a shrug.As if it was just a fact of life, something immovable, unchangeable, eternal.“At least this way I can still take care of Sammy.It’s not like I’m good for much else.”

“How can you say that?” Cas asked, louder than she’d meant to.“You’re being forced to _prostitute_ yourself, how is that _fine_?”

“It’s just how things are- I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

“I understand plenty,” she snapped.“I understand that your boss saw that you were desperate and pretty, and he’s taking advantage of that.Taking advantage of _you_ , Dee.You shouldn’t have to sleep with anyone you don’t want to-”

“And what other choice do I have?” Deanna shouted.“This is my life, Cas!You think things would be any different anywhere else?I’m not like you, I don’t have a doctor for a father or even a goddamn high school diploma, and all _anyone_ sees when they look at me is a pretty face and a fuckable body.That’s all I am!”

Cas ground her teeth in frustration.Without thinking, she ran forward and kissed Deanna, fierce at first and then tender, gentle, loving.She kissed without pushing it into something else, kissed as absolution and care rather than desire for a pretty face.She kissed with everything she felt, everything Deanna was to her, had become for her.

“You are so much more than that, Dee,” she whispered.“You deserve so much more than you’ve resigned yourself to.And even if you never believe that you have worth to the rest of the world, at least believe that you mean _everything_ to me.”

Deanna stared at her with wide eyes.There was still a challenge in her expression, disbelief that what Cas was saying could possibly be true, but there was also vulnerability, a tenderness that matched the warm feeling in Cas’ chest.

Without another word, Deanna leaned forward and kissed her back.

They danced.

 


	7. The Consequences

Michael actually clapped her on the back when he saw what she was doing.She smiled, wishing she could enjoy his approval without guilt squirming in her stomach.

“I’m glad to see you extending a helping hand,” Michael said under the cacophony of set building and rehearsals for the final talent show.The _in a wholesome way_ was implied in his expression.

Cas dipped her brush in the paint and added another clumsy stroke to the palm tree set piece.“Crowley asked me to help,” she said.Not that helping Crowley felt in any way wholesome, but she wasn’t about to say _that_ to her father.Not when he was actually smiling at her.Like he was just a little bit happy that she existed.

“Good, good,” he said.“Don’t let him work you too hard, now.That’s what the staff are here for.”

“Don’t worry, dad,” Cas said.“See you at dinner.”

She kept painting as he left the dining hall, carefully focusing on her work until she was sure that he was out of sight.When she finally glanced up, Deanna wasn’t looking at her either, supposedly engrossed in the set list she was working on.The tiny, secret smile dancing on her lips said otherwise.The smile widened when she looked up and saw Cas watching her.

Cas smiled back and returned to her painting.Every once in a while she glanced up to find Deanna doing the same.Every time their eyes met, it sent a tiny thrill through her heart.

In just over a week, Deanna and Sam would be dancing the last dance of the season on this very stage, and the guests would disband to the real lives.Cas couldn’t imagine going back to school and living her life like she used to, no more sweltering heat, no more dancing.

Maybe Deanna could get a job in Manhattan.Maybe the end of the summer didn’t mean the end of them together.

She glanced up to smile at Deanna again, but Deanna wasn’t looking.Alastair was standing next to her, smiling in a way that made Cas’ stomach churn.

“Just a few more nights left, baby,” he said, leering at the dancer.“What do you say to an all night dance lesson tonight?I’ll make it worth your while.”He held up a wad of cash and, without any prompting, tucked it into Deanna’s waistband.

Cas’ heart, which just a few moments ago had been floating in a sea of soft clouds, plummeted to the earth with a lurch.She coughed, struggling to catch her breath under the sudden weight of gravity, but she couldn’t look away.

Deanna opened her mouth, but no sound came out.She searched Alastair’s face- and then her eyes move further, flicking over to where Cas sat helplessly on the stage.

“I-” Deanna said, her gaze snapping back to Alastair.“I’m sorry, but I’ve been booked for the rest of the week,” she told him.

He scoffed.“You know that I can pay double whatever those other idiots are paying you,” he said, leaning closer to her.

She made a wavering attempt at a smile.“Of course you can, baby,” she said, a little more confident now.“I just don’t want to blow this one off.He’s got some… influence around here, if you know what I mean.”

He scowled.“Crowley, that greedy bastard,” he muttered.He bent down to kiss Deanna on the cheek as he pulled the cash out of her jeans.Cas shivered as she watched, her hands clenching unconsciously into fists.“Until next time, then,” Alastair said, finally leaving Deanna alone.

Deanna glanced at Cas, then quickly away when she saw that Cas was still watching.She busied herself with her work; and after a long moment, Cas did the same.

Crowley called a halt to the preparations a half hour later, shooing everyone out of the dining hall so that the wait staff could set up for dinner.Cas hurried out the door, finally catching up to Deanna on the manicured lawn leading to the staff area.

“Dee, wait,” she said.

Deanna stopped, glancing around nervously.The lawn wasn’t a private area, but it was secluded enough from the main guest areas that they could talk without fear of being seen.

“I have to change for the dinner performance,” Deanna said as Cas approached.

“I know,” Cas said.“I just… you didn’t take Alastair’s offer.”

Deanna looked down at her feet, the flush on her cheeks visible even in the shadows.“Yeah, well… someone I care about pointed out that… that I don’t need to let people take advantage of me just because they pay me.And I… I really want to be someone this person can be proud of, so…”

Cas reached up and pulled Deanna into a tender kiss, cradling Deanna’s face in her hands.Deanna kissed back with gentle desperation, pulling Cas close to her so that she could wrap her arms around Cas’ waist.

“I really do have to go,” Deanna murmured when they pulled apart.She stepped away, letting her hand trail behind her, loathe to let go of Cas’.“I’ll see you tonight?”

“As soon as I can get away,” Cas promised.

She watched Deanna walk away, well aware that she was wearing a dopey smile and completely unable to do anything about it.

Something moved in her peripheral vision, a shadow that might have been a person.She whipped her head around- but there was nothing, just the branches of a tree shifting in the evening breeze.

She exhaled in a whoosh, and went to join her parents for dinner.

* * *

 

“C’mon, Crowley, I still have to finish the set list.I can’t do this right now.”

Cas paused with her hand on the doorknob.She was supposed to meet Deanna inside the practice room- but that was Deanna talking to _Crowley_ , and she sounded upset.

“Don’t give me that excuse again, Winchester,” Crowley said.Cas leaned in closer to the door, straining to hear.What was Crowley doing in the practice room anyway?As far as she knew, he never ventured far from the much more luxurious guest area, as if he might catch something just by being around the staff in their native element.“We both know that you’ve been giving me and god knows how many guests the brush off.I’m not an idiot, Miss Winchester, and I have eyes and ears everywhere on _my_ resort.I know where you’ve been sneaking off to.”

Deanna was silent for a moment.“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said eventually.

Crowley chuckled.“Don’t you?” he said quietly, so that Cas had to strain to hear.“You really think I wouldn’t find out that you’re not just a cock-sucking whore, you’re also a slut for cunt?”

Cas gasped, only barely stifling it in time.Crowley knew.How could he know?They’d been so careful, always sneaking into back rooms and quiet corners where no one would see… except for…

Her blood ran cold.Maybe that hadn’t just the wind yesterday.She’d kissed Deanna without thinking in a public place, and now…

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Deanna repeated, harsher now.“You know the only reason I’ve been _servicing_ your guests is because you told me to-”

“Yes, I did,” Crowley said.“And now I’m telling you to do something else.”

Cas didn’t hear what he whispered, but she heard a thump against the wall, like Deanna had recoiled into it.

“No,” Deanna said sharply.“I told you, I have to go-“

“Stay right where you are.”

Cas heard the rustle of fabric, and Deanna’s sudden yelp.“I said _no_ ,” she snapped.

Even through the door, Cas felt the slap like it had fallen on her face as well as Deanna’s.

She burst into the room without a single though that wasn’t consumed with protective rage.“Get _away_ from her!” she shouted.

For a moment, Crowley looked surprised, taking half a step away from Deanna with his hands up in what was almost fear.He should be afraid: if he made just one more move against Deanna, Cas would go after him with no regard for her own safety.

Then, to her absolute fury, Crowley smiled.

“There you are, Miss Novak,” he said.“I was wondering when you would join us.”

Cas stepped closer, clenching her fists.Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Deanna make an aborted gesture, maybe to pull her back, or maybe just to draw support from the physical contact.Her blood curdled when she saw the trickle of blood from Deanna’s split lip.“Get away from her,” Cas spit at Crowley again.

He raised his hands in surrender.He took an exaggerated step backwards, still smiling infuriatingly.“Don’t worry, my dear,” he said in that smooth, oily voice he always used with her.“I have no desire to fight a couple of butch queers.Or rather, I don’t really need to.”

“Cas, get out of here,” Deanna murmured, glaring daggers at Crowley.“I’ll deal with this, you don’t need to get involved.”

“I’m not leaving you,” Cas said.

“How sweet,” Crowley said.“Sweet, and so very stupid.Of course, it doesn’t matter if she stays or not, Miss Winchester.You have less than a minute to decide regardless.”

“Decide what?” Deanna asked, drawing closer to Cas.

“Whether you’d like to be fired for indecency, and get a black mark with every hotel or theater owner on the east coast while your little girlfriend gets dragged through the mud along with you, or…”

“Or?” Deanna growled when he didn’t continue.

He looked her up and down, dragging his eyes over every inch of her body as if he owned it.“Or you can accept my generous offer to stay on retainer with me.To cater to my… personal needs.”

Deanna flinched.“You’re sick, Crowley,” she spat.

“Don’t be like that, sweetheart,” he said.“You know I’ll take good care of you, _and_ your sasquatch brother.This is really the best outcome from all of this- I _could_ have sicced Alastair on you.You should have heard the things he wanted to do to you after he found out you blew him off for this bitch.”

Cas felt the blood drain from her face, leaving only cold horror in its place.Deanna reacted altogether differently: her face flushed with pure hatred, and without warning her fist flew to clock Crowley squarely in the nose.

“Wrong choice of words,” she snarled, grabbing Crowley’s lapels as he reeled backwards and clutched at his face.

Unlike Cas, whose physical intimidation factor only went as far as her reckless anger would take her, Deanna had the muscles and know-how to do some real damage if she wanted to.The look in her eyes said she really, really wanted to.Crowley recoiled away from her, true fear in his expression.

“Dee!” Cas said in warning, but it was too late, she hadn’t heard the footsteps in time.The door was already opening on the compromising scene of Deanna threatening her boss.

Opening to reveal Michael and Naomi Novak.

“Just in time,” Crowley breathed, not without a hint of relief.Deanna stepped back from him hurriedly, looking between Cas and her parents with wide, terrified eyes.Crowley straightened his jacket and tie, smiling at the Novaks with all of his greasy charm back in place.They didn’t look at him, though.Their eyes had taken in the whole scene to finally land on Cas, and there they remained.

“Castiel?” Michael asked.Even in the brief seconds he’d stood there, the concern in his expression was being poisoned by suspicion and distrust.“What’s going on here?”

Cas opened her mouth, but no sound would come out.She couldn’t even draw breath, frozen in her parents’ twin accusing stares.

“Thank you for coming, Dr. and Mrs. Novak,” Crowley said before Cas could even come close to formulating an explanation.“I wanted to have witnesses to ensure that Miss Winchester didn’t- well, kill me, and given the circumstances I felt you were the best people to call.”

“Circumstances?” Naomi said sharply.

“Mom,” Cas managed to croak.“It’s not-”

“Deanna Winchester,” Crowley cut in, facing Deanna with a gleeful smile.“You and your brother are _fired_.Don’t think I won’t be contacting everyone in the business about your indecency.You’ll never work again, I’ll see to that.”

Deanna stood stiffly, her expression a blank mask.Cas knew her well enough to see behind it, to the blind terror in her eyes.

Crowley turned to Michael with that same triumphant expression.It didn’t seem to matter that Deanna hadn’t succumbed to the blackmail and agreed to his proposed sex slavery.He was getting off on all this anyway, no matter the outcome.

“You might want to rein in your daughter, Michael,” he said.“I’d be worried enough if she was just running wild with Miss Winchester, but having sex with her…” He shook his head like a concerned parent.“If you weren’t such good friends of mine, I would’ve asked you to leave the resort.As it is, you’ll need to do something about Castiel if you’re to remain for the rest of the summer.”

And with that, he swept out of the room, leaving disaster in his wake.

Cas struggled to breathe, to speak through the dryness in her throat, the pain in her chest.The silence pressed around her like an almost physical weight on her chest.It constricted more and more, slowly suffocating her until she couldn’t bear it anymore.

“Dad-” she whispered.

Naomi was the one who responded.She spun sharply and raised her hand in the air.“Dyke,” she hissed, letting her full weight carry into the slap.

Cas was so numb that she barely felt the first impact.She blinked, staring at the hatred in her mother’s eyes without comprehending what had just happened.

The second slap hit her hard enough that she stumbled, and suddenly the pain sparked on her cheek, a fire and an ache resonating in her bones.She closed her eyes, feeling tears pooling under her lids and unable to stop them.

She waited like that for the third slap, but it never came.

She opened her eyes hesitantly, and wished that she hadn’t.Deanna stood in front of her, facing down her parents with every muscle tensed and ready to attack, protecting her bodily from the attacks.

“Get out of my way,” Naomi snapped.

Deanna didn’t move, just stared her down with the determination born of desperation.

“Dee,” Cas managed.She reached out, then thought better of it, letting her hand fall without purpose.“Dee, it’s okay.”

“She hit you,” Deanna said without looking away from Naomi.

“It’s okay,” Cas said again.“It’s- you can go, it’s not-”

“I’m not leaving you.”

Cas’s breath caught as Deanna repeated her own words back to her.Michael and Naomi were boiling with their fury, the anger growing more and more with every second that Deanna was between them and their daughter.“Please, Deanna,” she whispered.“You’re making it worse.”

Deanna finally looked at her.Her eyes were wide with fear and protective anger even as she searched Cas’ for the reassurance she needed.Cas did her best to give it to her with a wavering smile.She wasn’t sure how successful it was.

“It’s okay,” she said one more time.

Deanna took a deep breath.“Okay,” she said, taking a step toward the door.She glanced back at Michael and Naomi, and her expression hardened.“I’ll be right outside,” she said.“If you hurt her again, I swear to god I’ll kill you.”

Cas flinched.She didn’t watch as Deanna stormed away, slamming the door behind her.

“So _that_ is what you’ve been doing, all this time,” Naomi spat as soon as Deanna had cleared the room.She didn’t raise her hand again, perhaps worried that Deanna would make good on her threat.“Not only were you sneaking around behind our backs, but you were _sleeping_ with some slut dancer-”

“She’s not a slut,” Cas muttered despite herself.She knew it was a mistake as soon as the words left her lips.

“No, of course not,” Naomi said coldly.“That title belongs to _you_.”

“We warned you, Castiel,” Michael added.“You have betrayed our trust-”

“Dad-”

“-and you must face the consequences of your rebellion,” Michael finished, without even a pause to acknowledge that she had spoken.

“It’s not rebellion!” Cas said desperately.“I’m not- I would never want to hurt you, it’s just- I’m in love with her!”

Her parents stared at her, her words settling around them all like a suffocating blanket of ash.Cas felt what she’d said sinking through her with all the weight of a horrible realization.

She was in love with Deanna.

Why had she allowed this to happen?How could she have been so naive that she’d thought the delicate balance in her life wouldn’t be upset?How could she have let herself grow so attached, so that when it was inevitably ripped away, she would be left bleeding?This was all her own damn fault, and she saw it coming like the swerve of a wheel under her hands, in the short instant before the car was tossed from the road and broken by its own weight.

“I see,” Naomi said eventually.“You think you’re in love.This girl smiled at you a few times, and you were taken in by her, is that right?”

“That’s not-”

“You’re _confused_ , Castiel,” Naomi said firmly.“You’re young, you don’t know what love is, and this girl is taking advantage of that.”

“I found four hundred dollars missing from our summer allowance,” Michael added.“Is this where that went, into Miss Winchester’s pockets?”

Cas shook her head numbly.“No, that’s- I didn’t-” _Four_ hundred?She’d only given Sam _two_ …

Michael grabbed Cas’ shoulder.She winced at the bruising strength of his grip.“We’re not the bad guys, Cassie,” he said softly.“This girl has been taking advantage of your kindness, you have to see that.We don’t _want_ to cut you out of our family for this.”

“Then don’t,” Cas whispered.“Please, dad-”

Michael glanced back at his wife.The hardness in her face softened ever so slightly, and for a moment Cas let herself hope.

“You are our daughter,” Naomi said quietly.She sighed, meeting Cas’ eyes firmly.“But you can’t remain our daughter if you continue on this immoral path.You have to make a choice, Castiel.You can keep pretending that what you feel is love and let this dancer use you until she’s done with you, or you can be a part of this family.”

Cas’s breath caught in her chest and wouldn’t move through her like it should.There was a roaring in her ears, blocking out every sound but the repeating echoes of her mother’s ultimatum.Images played before her eyes, too fast to see properly and yet bringing with them the full explosion of sights and sounds and emotions tucked away in her memory.She saw Deanna guiding her through that first dance months ago, her gaze warm and intimate under the distrust; she saw a moment only half-remembered, when she stood on Michael’s feet and he danced her around the room.She saw herself dancing with Deanna on the stage at the Shelldrake, felt the rush of pride at the performance: she remembered Naomi sitting her down and patiently, gently, teaching her to put on makeup and perform confidence for the world.She felt the phantom touch of Deanna’s lips claiming hers, but also the gentle kisses Michael used to press to her forehead at night, Naomi’s hand guiding her safely across the street, her parent’s proud smiles when she did well in her classes, their comforting touches when she needed them.

Everything she had, everything she was, she owed to her parents.To her family.

She let her breath out in a soft sigh.She closed her eyes, knowing with every beat of her breaking heart that this was all her own damn fault.

She opened her eyes again and looked at her parents.“Can I at least say goodbye to her?” she asked quietly.

* * *

 

True to her word, Deanna was waiting outside the practice room when Cas emerged.She stood a ways away from the door, talking to Sam in a low voice, but she stopped as soon as she saw Cas in the doorway.She made as if to walk over, but paused when Naomi and Michael followed Cas out.

Michael leaned forward and squeezed Cas’ shoulder.“Five minutes,” he said.His grip tightened painfully in the half second before he let go completely and stepped away.He and Naomi moved to the sidelines, at the very least giving Cas this one moment of privacy.

Deanna rushed over as soon as Cas’ parents were out of earshot.She cupped Cas’ face in her hands, looking her over and wincing at the emerging bruise along Cas’ cheekbone.Cas closed her eyes, savoring the gentle touch, the warmth of Deanna’s concern.

“Jesus, Cas,” Deanna murmured.“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she lied without opening her eyes.She didn’t even feel the welt on her cheek anymore, not with Deanna’s thumb stroking it.If only that was all it took to make this all go away for more than just these last precious seconds.

“We don’t have much time,” Deanna said, unknowingly voicing Cas’ thoughts.“Crowley’s gonna charge us for trespassing if we stay on the grounds for too long.”

“Where will you go?” Cas asked, opening her eyes again and searching Deanna’s expression.Deanna’s eyes looked so lost and afraid.Cas ached to wrap her up in her arms, murmur loving words into her hair.She clasped her hands together to keep them still.

Deanna rubbed her face with one hand, dropping the other to wrap it gently around Cas’ wrist.“I don’t know,” she said quietly.“A motel, I guess, at least for a night or two.There’s a shitty one just down the road, we’ll probably go there.It’s not like it’ll be any worse than when we were little.”

“And after that?”

Deanna didn’t answer, just squeezed Cas’ hand and chewed on her lip.

Cas swallowed away the lump in her throat.“Dee-

“Come with us,” Deanna blurted.

Her breath caught in her chest and refused to dislodge.She felt her parents gazes on her, heavy with disapproval.“What?” she stammered.

Deanna grabbed Cas’ hand in both of her own, looking into Cas’ eyes with unbearable earnestness.“Come with us,” she said again, without the waver in her voice this time.“It’s not- I don’t know what’s going to happen next, what our lives will be like, but… I know that I- I need you.”

Cas felt like she was made of glass, and this was the moment right before she shattered into nothing more than sand, starting at the point where Deanna held her hand.She looked down and was surprised that she wasn’t bleeding out of the myriad cracks splintering her apart.

“Cas.”Deanna must have read something in Cas’ face, because the desperation in her voice was now laced with pain.“It’s a lot, I know.It won’t be like- like what you’re used to, I shouldn’t even ask- but.Your parents want to put you in a cage, Cas.They won’t stop bullying you until they have you trapped.You- you deserve more than that.You deserve to be free.”

“They’re my parents,” Cas whispered, choking back a sob.She couldn’t meet Deanna’s eyes, focusing on a spot somewhere beyond Deanna’s shoulder.

“So what?They’re dicks, Cas.You don’t need to carry what they’re putting on you.”

She shook her head.“Yes I do,” she said.Why did Deanna have to make this so hard?“I can’t just leave.They raised me, made me who I am.”

“So you think you _owe_ them or something?” Deanna asked incredulously.

Cas took a deep breath.“Yes,” she said, finally looking up to meet Deanna’s eyes.A signal that this discussion was over, but Deanna didn’t seem to get the memo.

“That’s bullshit!Just because they didn’t throw you in a dumpster as a baby doesn’t mean you have to take all their crap-”

“And just because _your_ father was a good for nothing criminal doesn’t mean that _my_ parents aren’t looking after me!” Cas snapped.

Deanna froze, Cas’ hand slipping out of her lax grip.Cas immediately regretted her words at the wounded look on Deanna’s face, but she didn’t try to take it back.Neither one of them was coming out of this unscathed.She should have seen that from the beginning.

“I can’t run away with you, Deanna,” Cas said quietly.“I can’t choose you over my family, I just can’t.I’m sorry.”

She turned away so that she didn’t have to see the heartbroken look on Deanna’s face anymore.She’d be seeing it plenty in her mind’s eye in the weeks, months, years to come.She didn’t need to give her memory even more pained detail.

“Cas,” Deanna whispered, like the word was being drawn out of her after hours of torture.

Cas took a deep breath.“Goodbye,” she said, and walked away.She didn’t look back.

 


	8. Aftershocks

Michael and Naomi never took their eyes off her for a second.She didn’t bother trying to escape it.

“We’re just looking out for you Cassie,” Naomi said when she followed Cas into the bathroom.“Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy.Your father and I are just keeping you from being yours.”

Cas nodded without saying anything.She blinked back the tears that had threatened to spill over, leading her to the bathroom in the first place.It wouldn’t do to cry in front of her mother.Naomi would probably take it as an admission of guilt.

She didn’t cry when Michael explained she wouldn’t be returning to Columbia this year, either.Maybe she’d already lost the ability.

She wasn’t allowed to participate in any activities unless her parents were present.Even then, they relegated her to the sidelines, out of the action.Michael had her caddy around his golf clubs instead of allowing her to play; Naomi charged her with timing her laps around the swimming area, splashing in the cool water while Cas sweltered on the shore.They forced her to stay through the entire dinner conversation, even when the only thing she wanted in this world was to lie down and sleep for a hundred years.

Maybe if she played the part of sleeping beauty, she’d be awoken by a pair of soft lips, open her eyes to two green ones gazing back at her.Ding dong, the evil fairy is dead, and she could dancing into the sunset without a care in the world.

Her parents escorted her to bed the second the dancing began after dinner, as if even the sight of bodies moving would set her off.

“Can I go swim in the lake?” she asked quietly at the breakfast table.It was the third to last day of the summer, only ten in the morning, and she was already wilting in the heat.

Michael and Naomi exchanged glances.“Only if Mr. Crowley would like to go with you,” Naomi said.

She looked down at her hands, wrapped limply around her knife and fork.“Nevermind,” she murmured.

“Don’t be too shy, Cassie,” Naomi said.“Playing hard to get is all very well, but the summer is almost over.You don’t want him to lose interest entirely.”

Cas swallowed the bile that rose in her throat and didn’t respond.

Her lack of enthusiasm didn’t stop her parents from trying again.Naomi pulled Crowley into their conversation at lunch, glancing at Cas and raising her eyebrows as if they were conspirators.As if this was Cas’ big chance.Cas continued eating her salad without tasting anything.

Michael elected a more direct route.“Crowley, why don’t you and Cassie take a walk?It’s a gorgeous day out there.”

It wasn’t.The heat hung in humid curtains around the resort, stifling even the local wildlife, curdling the cool shade that attempted to alleviate it.

“That sounds lovely,” Crowley said.He stood and offered Cas his hand.“Miss Novak, would you do me the honor?”

Cas glanced at her parents, then at Crowley.She gave him her hand reluctantly.He pulled her to her feet and swept her away in an instant.

At least her parents were no longer stuck to her like glue.

“I hope you won’t hold what happened with the Winchester girl against me, my dear,” Crowley said as he led her down a shaded path through the trees.He didn’t try to hold her hand on take her arm, thankfully.The heat was unbearable enough as it was without Crowley’s sweaty hand adding to it.“It was nothing personal.”

“Seemed personal to me,” Cas murmured.She flinched away from his hand when he attempted to guide her at a fork in the path, instead electing to take the other way.He merely smiled and let her lead the way.

“Your naiveté is really quite charming, Cassie,” he said.“It’s true that I wanted something from Deanna, but that’s just how business works.It’s simple economics.Two people need something from the other, and so they make a deal with a profitable exchange between them.”

Cas stopped in her tracks.For the first time in three days, she felt something other than numbness.Anger, coiling hot and passionate in her gut.

“You _blackmailed_ her,” she hissed.“You ruined _everything_.I should just call the police-”

Crowley clapped a hand over her mouth, his other hand bruising her wrist with how tightly he held it.She met his eyes defiantly, despite the painful strength of his arms trapping her.She had nothing left to lose.Crowley and her parents had already taken it all away.

“Don’t think I’ve played all my cards just yet, Miss Novak,” he said.“I would tread very, very carefully if I was you.”He released her abruptly, brushing down his suit and shaking his had.“Besides, my dear,” he continued.“There’s no one who would take your claims seriously.I’m just a businessman.You are the one who has sinned, not me, and now you are the one who is paying for it.”

He walked away, leaving her alone for the first time since she walked away from Deanna.She sagged against the trunk of a tree, her heart still pounding with residual pain and anger.Not at Crowley, not really.He was right.He might be an evil bastard, but then, she’d known that from the beginning, the instant he’d grabbed Kevin and threatened to make his life hell for doing his job.

No, Crowley wasn’t to blame here.She was the one who had fucked everything up.First by letting herself fall in love, and then by letting it slip through her fingers.

The anger flared hotter in her core, scorching and burning her insides.She closed her eyes, finally letting tears fall from her eyes to leave blazing tracks down her cheeks.She didn’t sob or blubber, too lost in the pain to really even feel the tears in the first place, except for the destruction they left in their wake.

She’s ruined everything.

_You going to your dad without even thinking about it- nobody’s ever done something like that for me.You’re the bravest person I’ve ever known._

Cas opened her eyes, the memory of Deanna’s voice as fresh as if she’d just spoken.In her mind’s eye, Deanna stood next to her, smiling at her as if she was still someone who deserved to be loved.

“I miss you,” Cas whispered.

She imagined Deanna chuckling affectionately. _That’s what happens when someone goes away, you know_.

“I didn’t want you to,” Cas told her.“I didn’t want any of this.”

_Then you should fix it._

“It’s not that simple.”

_Isn’t it?I told you, I never met anybody like you.You see a problem and you fix it, like it’s nothing._ The vision of Deanna turned to look at her more fully, her gaze steady and sure. _You fucked up_ , she seemed to say kindly. _Now what are you going to do about it?_

* * *

 

Business, Crowley had called it.Like he did it all the time, and Cas had no doubt that he did.Not just with his employees, either, not with all of the hushed tones and nervous glances she’d witnessed throughout the summer.Crowley schmoozed with his guests, traded confidences with them, went through all their dirty laundry he could get his hands on.If he would stoop so low as to blackmail his own employee, Cas was sure he would do the same with his far richer guests.

All she needed was proof.

“Cassie, where are you going?”

Cas paused in the act of standing up from the breakfast table.She smiled reassuringly at her parents.The expression felt still and unnatural, but her parents looked comforted by it anyway.

“Crowley is throwing a last day beach party this afternoon, so I thought I would help him set up,” she said.“Keep him interested, like you said, Mother.”

It wasn’t even a lie.

Naomi searched her expression, then smiled.“That’s very good,” she said.The approval punched a guilty hole in Cas’ gut, but she steeled herself against it.The lingering ache of losing Deanna aside, exposing Crowley would only help her family, keep her parents from continuing to be taken in by his oily charm.He’d already stolen money from their summer stash and let Cas take the blame for it; who knew what else he’d be able to level against them.“I’ll walk down to the lake with you,” Naomi continued, standing gracefully.

Cas nodded, unsurprised at Naomi’s sudden desire to follow her.She wasn’t so naive to think that all sneaking away would take was dropping hints that she would take Crowley up on his flirting.They walked to the beach in total silence.Cas didn’t even try to start a conversation, and Naomi hardly seemed eager for one either.

Eventually, though, Naomi placed a hand on Cas’ shoulder, stopping her in the shaded path just before it opened up to a sandy shore.Her expression gave Cas pause: she looked almost regretful.Cas had never seen her regret anything.For the first time in her life, she saw something in Naomi’s eyes that spoke to the same sorrow and pain that resonated in Cas’ own chest.For the first time, Naomi looked not like a mother or an authority figure, but _human_.

“I know you’re angry with us for making you choose,” Naomi said quietly, without preamble.Her hand was gentle on Cas’ shoulder, her thumb stroking the fabric of Cas’ cardigan slightly, wrinkling what she normally straightened.“And I know… how much it hurts, to have to let go of someone you think you love.”

Cas blinked, her mouth falling open in surprise.Naomi just smiled sadly at her, hearing the unspoken question before Cas could even think it.

“My parents disapproved, and I married your father instead,” Naomi answered.“I thought I would never recover, that I would hate them forever.But, in the end, it was the right thing to do, no matter how much it hurt at the time.I though I knew what love was, but really I was just trying to rebel.I never would have been happy with him.”

“And you’re happy now?” Cas asked.She searched Naomi’s eyes, looking for guidance, motherly wisdom, something to help ease the bleeding wound in her soul.

Naomi leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead.“We’re just doing what’s best for you, Cassie,” she murmured.“You don’t see it now, but you will.”

Cas looked at her with new perspective as she pulled away.She had never given any indication that she might have lived any other life than this one.A happier life, one where she smiled and laughed with someone she loved rather than just tolerated.She’d had her choice taken away from her, and now she was doing the same thing to Cas.

Naomi’s walls were back up before they moved more than two steps down the path.Her eyes were hard and sharp again, revealing nothing of the gentle woman who had kissed Cas just moments before.

Cas made sure to smile at Crowley when they reached the section of the beach cordoned off for the party.She followed her instruction to lay down gingham table cloths with a cheerful air.Naomi hovered around the edges of the hustle and bustle for a while, but it was only a matter of time before she grew tired of it, and left Cas under Crowley’s not-so-watchful eye.

Cas waited until nobody was paying particular attention to her before she sidled up to a familiar boy in a red jacket struggling to lift a table by himself.

“Let me help with that,” she murmured, catching the other edge.

Kevin looked up in shock.“Cas?What are you doing here?”

“Helping Crowley out, of course,” she said with mock sincerity.She leaned forward and pitched her voice so that only Kevin would hear her.“I need a favor.”

He rolled his eyes.“Of course you do,” he muttered.Together they lifter the table and lined it up next to the others.“The Winchesters get fired, so that must mean it’s _your_ turn to take advantage of me.But you know what?I don’t need this crap, I’m not going to do it.”He turned away.

“What if I told you it’ll get you out from under Crowley’s thumb?” Cas said.

Kevin paused, glancing over his shoulder with a frown.His eyes flicked over to Crowley where he was directing the staff with harsh words and a sharp tone.Cas waited while Kevin considered his boss, dislike flashing across his face even in his insecurity.

Eventually, he sighed and turned back to Cas.“What did you have in mind?” he said.

* * *

 

Cas left the party preparations unnoticed.Crowley was too distracted by Kevin and his bogus claim that one of the guests was complaining vocally about the ruckus on the beach.The slightly panicked note in Kevin’s voice was quite convincing- Cas wasn’t sure if he was faking it at all

Crowley’s office was locked, of course.Cas took a deep breath and pulled two bobby pins from her hair.She bent them into the shapes Deanna had showed her, and knelt down next to the lock.

It took far too long for her to pick the lock.Deanna would have already been inside already, finding everything she needed before getting out of there and back to safety.Cas gritted her teeth and forced herself to move slow and patient.Deanna wasn’t here.That was what she was trying to make up for, after all.She had to get this right.

She breathed a sigh of relief when the lock finally clicked.She opened the door carefully, and closed it behind her without making a sound.

The office was sparse and tidy, but with plenty of out-of-sight places to hide something incriminating.Just what would count as incriminating, Cas had no idea; but Crowley was too organized and too arrogant to no have records of what he was doing.

Her heart thudded against her ribcage at every light sound, very whisper of breeze that disturbed the stacks of papers she found in drawers and cabinets.There was only so long that Kevin could keep Crowley distracted, and only so long before Crowley needed something from his office.

She dug through the files in the cabinets, scanning them and putting them back exactly as she found them.They were all mundane and straightforward, finances for the hotel, outside contracts, guest contact information, employee records-

Cas paused.There was something in the back of the cabinet, behind all the important contracts and the less important records, back with all the papers that had been left over from when Gabe Kellerman ran the place.Just a piece of paper, but the way it was stuck to the bottom of the cabinet under an empty file suggested that maybe it had been missed when someone hurriedly cleaned it all out.

She dug the paper out, skimming over it to find Kellerman’s signature at the bottom.It was a letter to Crowley, dated just a few days before Kellerman died.It was long and rambling, about inconsequential minutiae of the day-to-day running of the resort- except for a line near the end that gave Cas pause.

_Make sure to show Kevin how to reach out to past guests during the registration period.I would hate to have my son be unable to cultivate those relationships once he’s running the resort._

She read the line a few more times, making sure that she was understanding it right.In a rush, she pulled out Kevin’s employment record.It also bore Kellerman’s signature, and references to a living will that was never discovered.At least, not according to Kevin.

Cas smiled, folded up the letter to Crowley and Kevin’s employment contract, and slipped them into her pocket.

The rest of the papers yielded nothing, and neither did anywhere else in the office.She sighed, patting her pocket with the reassuring crinkle of paper.It was something, but not everything.It wouldn’t expose Crowley, not completely, just make things difficult for him.

She turned to go, but stopped, her eye catching on something.A tiny red light blinking under the desk.If she hadn’t already been digging through the desk drawers so intently, she wouldn’t have ever noticed it.

She got on her hands and knees and peered at it.The light glowed in steady pulses from a tape recorder, next to the neat label reading “recording.”

Cas took a deep breath, rewound the tape, and began to listen.

 


	9. The Time of My Life

She used the public phone in the hall near the kitchen, and she didn’t give her name.The tape she’d stolen was heavy in her pocket, speeding her voice until the operator had to ask her to repeat herself more slowly.She gave them the time and place and hung up before they could ask any more questions.

She took a deep breath, her hand still on the phone.She could leave it at that, if she wanted to.Go forward with the plan with just these pieces, letting the rest of the chips fall where they may.Her parents would undoubtedly be upset, but their ire wouldn’t touch her any more than a light scolding.

The clatter of dishes in the kitchen called her attention.She glanced over and swallowed.There was the closet, the one she’d stood in and listened to Deanna listing all the reasons they couldn’t be together.The one where she’d kissed the other girl and told her that she didn’t care.She didn’t want to stop dancing, that’s what she’d said.

The operator answered in a cool and professional voice that did nothing to soothe her nerves.“How may I direct your call?”

“The Windmill Motel, please,” Cas said, hiding the quiver in her voice as best she could.

Maybe they weren’t even there anymore.Why would they stay in a shady motel any longer than they had to?

“Windmill Motel, how can I help you?” the bored voice on the other end of the line muttered.

“I-” she started, then cleared her throat.“I’d like to speak to one of your guests.Winchester.De- uh.Sam Winchester.”

* * *

 

“This isn’t going to work,” Kevin hissed at her.

She pretended to be torn between a second helping of potatoes or salad.Kevin played the part of a patient server, though he was being anything but patient.At least there was no one in the buffet line behind her- they were all occupied with the warbling song coming from the guest on stage.The final night talent show was anything but, just act after act of unwatchable “talents” that would have made Cas want to tear her hair out if she wasn’t so focused on the plan.

“Were you not able to get to the sound system?” Cas murmured, frowning.

Kevin shook his head.“I got to it, it’s all set up,” he said.“I’m telling you though, this isn’t going to work.”

“Kevin, do me a favor and shut up,” she sighed, even though the twisting in her gut agreed with his prediction.“Just be ready.What we talked about, alright?”

She piled more potatoes on her plate and made her way back to her parents’ table.

Naomi glanced at her and place a hand on her wrist.“Don’t eat too much, darling,” she said.“You’ll ruin your figure.”

Cas gave her a tight smile and put her fork down.She was too nervous to be hungry anyway.

_I’m sorry mother_ , she wished she could say. _I’m sorry that you’re giving me this choice, and that you weren’t able to do what made you happy.I’m sorry that I’m trying to do what you couldn’t._

_I’m sorry it means that you’ll hate me._

The warbling on stage finally ended with scattered applause- probably more because it ended than in any appreciation for the skill.The unfortunate guest bowed and exited, allowing Crowley to approach the microphone.

Cas sat up straighter and checked her watch.8:03 pm.Almost exactly on time.She glanced at the buffet table.Kevin had disappeared from his post, hopefully to do his part rather than fleeing in terror.

“My friends,” Crowley crooned into the microphone.“This truly has been a magical summer, hasn’t it?From lazing on the lakeside, to dancing up a storm every night, to friendly competition on the golf course- we’ve certainly packed a lot in.But now it’s the last night, the last meal we share before the spell is broken and we’re forced in different directions.Like the bard said, parting is such sweet sorrow.”

The crowd murmured in agreement.Some of the guests looked genuinely disappointed that the summer was over.Others looked unhappy for entirely different reasons, looking at Crowley with pale, uneasy faces.

“Before reality so rudely interrupts us, then,” Crowley continued, “I’d like to take one last moment with all of you to remember the good times we’ve had.And what better way to do it than through-”

The microphone screeched suddenly, then went silent.Crowley frowned and tapped on it.Nothing happened, no echo of sound from the speakers, not even the whine of feedback.He glanced into the wings with a frown.

“Apologies, ladies and gentlemen,” he shouted, struggling to be heard without he benefit of the speakers.“Just some technical difficulties-”

The speakers squealed again, and Crowley’s voice once again filtered through them.This time, though, the buzzing recording revealed something entirely different than melancholy goodbyes.

“There’s no use denying it,” the recording said.Crowley froze on stage, confusion flashing across his face.“We know all about you’re little habit.The question is, how far will you go to keep it a secret?”

“What Crowley is saying, _sir_ , is that we need to be persuaded to keep quiet.”This second voice belonged to Alastair, nasal and unmistakeable.In the audience, Alastair jolted involuntarily to his feet, confirming to anyone who hadn’t been sure exactly who was blackmailing another guest.“Five thousand dollars, and you wife- and the tabloids- never need to hear about your little affair.”

On stage, Crowley finally burst into motion, rushing toward the sound system.Cas prayed that Kevin was well away from there by now, leaving no trace of who had spilled Crowley’s dirty little secret.

“We know you have the money, senator,” Crowley said on the recording.“That price is-”

The recording squealed to a stop, leaving the whole dining room in complete silence.

There was no way from Crowley to escape from the wings without emerging in front of the whole room, either from the stage or the side door that Kevin had used to get backstage in the first place.He chose the side door, perhaps hoping for some chance to get away without being seen.Instead, every single guest stared in shocked stillness as the door creaked open and Crowley emerged next to the buffet table.

He exchanged a look with Alastair, then they both bolted toward the exit.The cops caught them before they made it two feet past the audience.

“Fergus Crowley and Edward Alastair,” the police officer in charge said firmly, pulling out his handcuffs and nodding at his partner to do the same.He tugged Crowley’s arms behind his back roughly.“We got a tip about you two.I’m glad that it paid off and we didn’t waste the trip.You’re both under arrest.You have the right to remain silent-”

Crowley looked around wild-eyed as the cop read his rights.His gaze fell on Cas in the corner, and his formerly charming expression twisted into something far uglier.“You!” he shouted, squirming in the officer’s grip.Cas flinched despite herself.“You did this!Queer bitch, I’m going to _kill_ you-”

The cop punched Crowley in the gut, forcing him to double over in pain.“You have the right to remain silent,” the officer hissed again.“I recommend that you take advantage of that right now.You also have the right to an attorney.If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be-”

The cops let Alastair and Crowley out the doors, pushing past a small group of the entertainment staff who had gathered to see the spectacle.A group including two familiar faces.

“Deanna,” Cas breathed involuntarily.

As if she heard her, despite the sudden uproar in the audience, Deanna looked away from her former boss to meet Cas’ eyes.Cas’ heart thudded painfully in her chest.Deanna was even more beautiful than she remembered, even with dark shadows under her eyes and her hair piled messily on her head.

There were so many emotions passing over Deanna’s face that Cas couldn’t even begin to know what they were.She could barely understand what she herself was feeling, fear and pain and regret and joy, too many and too conflicting to process.

“Castiel!”

Cas’ attention snapped back to the present, back to her parents staring at her with fury in their eyes.

“What is going on here, Castiel?” Michael hissed.“Did you do this?”

Cas swallowed and squared her shoulders.“He was blackmailing the guests,” she said.“What would you have had me do?”

“You made a public spectacle of him!” Naomi said.“You should have come to us and let the adults take care of it.As it is, you’ve caused _chaos_ here with no way to stop it-”

Cas tilted her head toward the stage.“It’s taken care of.”

Kevin stood on the stage, awkward and gangly but more secure than Cas had ever seen him.In one hand he held his contract that mentioned the missing will; in the other, he held the paper showing the hotel was legally his.“Everyone, calm down,” he said into the microphone.“This is a shock for all of us, I know.But it’s still the last night here, though, so the show must go on, even if just for a few more minutes.”

The guests continued to flutter about the arrests, but settled down enough to listen to the only person who seemed to know what he was doing.

Kevin nodded at Cas.She stood and walked back to the entrance, ignoring her parents’ protests.

“Every year, we like to have a last dance of the season, done by our very own Winchester siblings,” Kevin said.Deanna and Sam exchanged glances, Deanna confused and Sam smug.Cas took a deep breath and forced her feet to continue moving.“This year, we thought we would mix it up for you.”

Cas stood in front of Deanna and smiled.Deanna met her eyes, vulnerable and terrified and hopeful.

She held out her hand.“Dance with me,” Cas said quietly.Her voice seemed to echo into a different moment, where they stood together, frightened and needing, about to take one more gliding step into each others’ arms for the very first time.Deanna heard the echo too, Cas could see it in her eyes.She glanced away, toward where Cas’ parents were standing in furious shock.

“Are you sure?” Deanna whispered.Her voice cracked.

Cas just smiled and proffered her hand once again.“Dance with me,” she said.

The smile that broke over Deanna’s face was so bright that it blinded Cas in an instant.She grabbed Cas’ hand, too tightly and not tightly enough.They walked to the stage together, shoulder to shoulder, hand to hand.

“Castiel!” Naomi snapped as they passed her.Cas didn’t pay her any mind, pushed the painful parting aside for the moment, and squeezed Deanna’s hand even tighter.

“Ladies and gentlemen, dancing the final dance of the season, it’s Deanna Winchester and Castiel Novak!” Kevin announced, and moved aside to give them space.

Cas led Deanna to the center of the stage and into their starting position.Their bodies fit together easily, effortlessly, like they had never been apart.Like a sweet sigh of relief coursing through them both.For an endless moment, they just stood there, connected with one another once again, finally back where they belonged.

The music started, and Deanna’s hand trailed up Cas’ side, bringing her arm up around Deanna’s neck.Cas shivered and pressed back against the warmth of Deanna’s body as she took Deanna’s other hand.

And then the music picked up a faster rhythm, and Cas was being spun out into the dance they both knew so well.

The audience whooped and cheered, and yet it still felt like they were alone together.Rehearsing in the practice room.Learning lifts in a quiet forest.Holding hands on the porch outside Deanna’s cabin.Making love on a tattered couch.Cas met Deanna’s shining green eyes, and she didn’t look away except to spot her way through turns.Deanna grinned and spun her again, once, twice, three times until Cas was laughing and dizzy in her arms.

The audience cheered, and they danced.

There was movement out in the crowd.Sam was leading the entertainment staff into joining the dance.They pushed aside tables and chairs and grabbed guests to bring them into the celebration.Cas laughed when she saw Sam spinning an old woman, the grin on his face bigger than she’d ever seen it.

Deanna saw where she was looking and laughed as well.With a running leap, she jumped off the stage and slid across the floor on her knees, saluting her brother cheekily as she passed.

Cas saw the look in her eyes when she rose to her feet, and nodded happily.Deanna smiled and braced herself.Cas jumped off the stage and ran forward.When she leaped into the air, Deanna was there to catch her, and left her the rest of the way.

With Deanna’s hands on her hips, her arms outstretched and her body perfectly balanced, Cas felt like she was flying.

Deanna set her on her feet gently.The dancing continued all around them, guests and staff alike celebrating the end of the summer, and the beginning of something new.But for a moment, Cas and Deanna were caught in a bubble of stillness, silent except for the pounding of their hearts.

“You came back,” Cas murmured.“I wasn’t sure you would.”

Deanna shrugged, but her grin gave her away.“I wouldn’t have,” she confessed.“Sam lied and said we had to pick up a paycheck.”Her fingers brushed the skin along Cas’ arms, her shoulders, her neck, her face, like she couldn’t help herself.“I can’t believe you did this,” she breathed.“What about your parents?You-”

Cas cut her off with a finger to her lips.“You’re worth it,” she said.

Deanna met Cas’ eyes, conveying everything she couldn’t say with just one look.Slowly, she leaned forward and kissed Cas gently, sweetly, right there in front of everyone.

“Thank you,” Deanna whispered.

They danced.

 


End file.
